Let me preface this with the comment that I'm not very good at this. For most of my life, I just didn't think I could be successful with women. Now I'm in my mid-40s and over the last couple years, I've realized that I have way more value than I thought. Also, I'm pretty conservative and not looking to just hook up with lots of random girls for sex, at least not yet.
Additional background, I have great personality, funny, obnoxious, I tease, probably too much, but it's natural. I'm also really good at building rapport, connection and trust. Lots of deep conversations when the opportunity arises. I'm also overweight and not particularly attractive, FWIW.
So here's my story as succinctly as I can make it.
I was part of a social circle, we got together regularly. There's one particular woman in the group, we initially didn't really connect, but after a while we did. She's got lots of baggage and drama with an ex.
For a long time we would flirt, have some great interaction, but she never seemed to want to take it further. At the time I was struggling to figure out what was going on, so I just did a lot of push/pull with her. Finally, we got to a point at a party one night that was really intense, but being unsure, I didn't escalate.
Unfortunately, after that night, she was slut-shamed by the alpha in the group and she went completely cold. Wouldn't make eye contact or talk to me. I was mystified, figured it was auto-rejection, tried to fix it, made it worse and we were done. A lot of drama with our friends ensued. A few months later, she reconnected and we saw each other socially for a few times this spring. She was always warm, we still had a great connection, but I didn't know how to move anything forward, so just let it be.
Finally, in June, I invited her out for my birthday with a group of friends. She waited until the last minute to decline and when I saw her she tried to make some lame excuse, so I NEXTed her. Removed my self from some places where I might run into her and just gave up.
A couple weeks ago we ran into each other at an event, after the event a few of us went out for drinks. There were a couple other girls out with us, so I mostly ignored her and talked to them, but we left the evening well, told her it was good to see her and we should hang out.
Last week saw her again at a house party with a few other friends. She is obviously attracted to me, laughing, eye contact, great conversation, smiles, etc.. but she wouldn't let me touch her. At one point I'm just standing close and she suddenly moved across the room to put an obstacle between us.
I'm sure everyone is going to say to move on with my life, and that's great advice, might be what I do, but I will run into her again. She's part of my social circle. Plus, I've had similar problems with other girls over the last year.
So here's my question. What the heck is happening? She's clearly attracted to me. I haven't been friendzoned, because she doesn't seem to want to be my friend, but she won't give me an opening to move forward. I have plenty of value, is it just she's not physically attracted? Is it a trust issue? Is it something else?
How should I treat it if I see her? Ignore her? Engage her? Anyone have thoughts?
Additional background, I have great personality, funny, obnoxious, I tease, probably too much, but it's natural. I'm also really good at building rapport, connection and trust. Lots of deep conversations when the opportunity arises. I'm also overweight and not particularly attractive, FWIW.
So here's my story as succinctly as I can make it.
I was part of a social circle, we got together regularly. There's one particular woman in the group, we initially didn't really connect, but after a while we did. She's got lots of baggage and drama with an ex.
For a long time we would flirt, have some great interaction, but she never seemed to want to take it further. At the time I was struggling to figure out what was going on, so I just did a lot of push/pull with her. Finally, we got to a point at a party one night that was really intense, but being unsure, I didn't escalate.
Unfortunately, after that night, she was slut-shamed by the alpha in the group and she went completely cold. Wouldn't make eye contact or talk to me. I was mystified, figured it was auto-rejection, tried to fix it, made it worse and we were done. A lot of drama with our friends ensued. A few months later, she reconnected and we saw each other socially for a few times this spring. She was always warm, we still had a great connection, but I didn't know how to move anything forward, so just let it be.
Finally, in June, I invited her out for my birthday with a group of friends. She waited until the last minute to decline and when I saw her she tried to make some lame excuse, so I NEXTed her. Removed my self from some places where I might run into her and just gave up.
A couple weeks ago we ran into each other at an event, after the event a few of us went out for drinks. There were a couple other girls out with us, so I mostly ignored her and talked to them, but we left the evening well, told her it was good to see her and we should hang out.
Last week saw her again at a house party with a few other friends. She is obviously attracted to me, laughing, eye contact, great conversation, smiles, etc.. but she wouldn't let me touch her. At one point I'm just standing close and she suddenly moved across the room to put an obstacle between us.
I'm sure everyone is going to say to move on with my life, and that's great advice, might be what I do, but I will run into her again. She's part of my social circle. Plus, I've had similar problems with other girls over the last year.
So here's my question. What the heck is happening? She's clearly attracted to me. I haven't been friendzoned, because she doesn't seem to want to be my friend, but she won't give me an opening to move forward. I have plenty of value, is it just she's not physically attracted? Is it a trust issue? Is it something else?
How should I treat it if I see her? Ignore her? Engage her? Anyone have thoughts?
