Constant frustration at a lack of progress

[Desert Eagle]

I made a really long rant about how I'm not getting anywhere. I looked at it and realized I'm just frustrated that I haven't gotten anywhere in the past few years. I've learned a lot about socializing and girls, but it feels like everytime I try to implement it I fall flat on my face and get really frustrated. I want to be the guy that people want to be around, but that's something I rarely achieve in my life. Every time someone had a hint of interest in me, it quickly vanished.

I just want this time to be different. I want to go out and have a great time, and others to have a great time too. I want to build a relationship with a girl. I don't want to be the lonely loser with no friends anymore. I'm tired of it. I want to achieve progress. I know that plateaus occur and you only ever notice a change after a long time of stagnation due to the irregular returns of success. But this one has lasted for two years.

I guess only grit and determination will get me as far as I want to go. No excuses. Just be out in the world, learn, and fucking do it.

EDIT:

New lookout. Just fucking do whatever I want to do when I think of it. Right now I want to sleep.

 

[trashKENNUT]

Desert Eagle,

I have an idea. Ask people what they think of you when they first meet you. In order for you to do this, you should also meet people and just be friendly. After that, you can ask and see their facial expression when they tell you what they think about you.

By their facial expressions and words, you roughly know what people think of you and adjust accordingly, to whomever that person or group is.

Zac

 

[ray_zorse]

DE, set smaller, more incremental goals. You say that every time you implement a GC technique you experience problems in the execution, what have you tried exactly? Things like getting investment, getting compliance, setting sexual frames, asking her out on a high point, etc...? These things are difficult.

Get back to basics. How is your conversation? Can you sustain a 5 minute conversation with a stranger, starting by asking for basic facts and then having them expand on those? Without awkward silences, "what do I say now" moments, creating only bridges and not gaps, and relating to what you are told as you think fit? This is one of the most rewarding things you can possibly learn and takes months of practice. Work on it with supermarket checkout chicks... waitresses... grandmas... your uni lecturer... family friends... etc. Just everyone.

When you get bored of improving your conversation set yourself a goal like adding a sexual frame, asking for some compliance, etc. But there is no need to stress about such matters because the most important thing is to make yourself a better man and have fun doing it. Who cares about collecting phone numbers, going on hundreds of dates, having meaningless sex etc... all those things will come in time, I'm probably not that close to achieving abundance either, but by learning and regularly practicing solid skills that make me a better and more desirable man, I am enjoying life much more. You can too. Just talk to people wherever you go

cheers, Ray

 

[Smith]

But there is no need to stress about such matters because the most important thing is to make yourself a better man and have fun doing it. Who cares about collecting phone numbers, going on hundreds of dates, having meaningless sex etc

Well said.
I'm going through a dry patch recently in terms of phone numbers and dates, and the last few days were HARD and emotionally draining.
But I learned one important lesson. Don't try to 'pick up' girls. 'Rejections' hurt a lot if you try to 'pick up' girls.
Instead, be self-amused and have fun. When I meet girls this way, the girls will still be laughing and having fun even though they 'reject' me. It's much more fun and less frustrating. It motivates me more.
Be content about yourself.

Whenever you feel like you can't do something, you have to do it. It's the only way to break through your plateau.

Good luck

 

[Desert Eagle]

I have an idea. Ask people what they think of you when they first meet you. In order for you to do this, you should also meet people and just be friendly. After that, you can ask and see their facial expression when they tell you what they think about you.

By their facial expressions and words, you roughly know what people think of you and adjust accordingly, to whomever that person or group is.

Yeah, I've thought about asking people what they think of me. Only issue is that, to me, that comes across as unsure of myself and how I am perceived. The bad boy doesn't go around seeking recognition from others, he simply receives it by virtue of being around people and getting results.

Actually got some positive words my way that indicate progress today. I've been consciously working on improving my voice ever since the pubescent cracking voice days. That made me quiet, and I knew I needed a more commanding voice. One of the only girls that's paid attention my way this semester comments quite often that I'm loud, something that I never really heard before so I brushed it off.

Today I saw her in the library with some people I didn't know, she wanted me to come over so I did and she said I was loud and I commented that I didn't think I was. Another guy told me I had a "booming, commanding" voice, which was nice to hear. Then this girl told me I enunciate very well. First time I've been told that in my life, after 6 years of working on my voice I finally had some recognition that it was indeed what I wanted it to be.

Falls into line with asymmetrical returns. I guess I was so damn tired of not getting recognition my way that I was lashing out, but low and behold I actually received some recognition today. Now I can check depth and resonance off the charts to having a sexy voice, as well as enunciation. Time to work on adding a purr and slowing it down.

Get back to basics. How is your conversation? Can you sustain a 5 minute conversation with a stranger, starting by asking for basic facts and then having them expand on those? Without awkward silences, "what do I say now" moments, creating only bridges and not gaps, and relating to what you are told as you think fit? This is one of the most rewarding things you can possibly learn and takes months of practice. Work on it with supermarket checkout chicks... waitresses... grandmas... your uni lecturer... family friends... etc. Just everyone.

Yeah, I agree with you on getting back to the basics. I recently started the newbie assignment because I felt like I was missing out on some of the key factors like holding longer conversations and deep diving due to lack of practice. Right now my conversation skills are decent; I can hold long conversations with girls with hardly any awkward silences, because the girls usually pick up a lull in the conversation indicating that they are trying. I can also hold 5 minute conversations with strangers quite easily, I just don't do it as consistently as I'd like to be able to.

When you get bored of improving your conversation set yourself a goal like adding a sexual frame, asking for some compliance, etc. But there is no need to stress about such matters because the most important thing is to make yourself a better man and have fun doing it. Who cares about collecting phone numbers, going on hundreds of dates, having meaningless sex etc... all those things will come in time, I'm probably not that close to achieving abundance either, but by learning and regularly practicing solid skills that make me a better and more desirable man, I am enjoying life much more. You can too. Just talk to people wherever you go

I definitely need more work on my sexual frames right now. Most of the time I feel like they come across as uncalibrated/forced though, so I guess it's less about trying to interject them into conversation and more about using them when they actually fit.

In the end, I was just miffed that I wasn't seeing as much progress as I wanted. I want to have a close relationship with a girl that lasts, and it feels like working at it for a solid while I should at least be able to attain that, especially if so many other normal guys are able to do it.

DE

 

[Adam101]

Good on you for pushing past your frustrations. That takes a lot of fortitude and you should give yourself credit for that alone. Ray gave a lot of good advice, but a good question might be to consider how you've been practicing? When you say you try a technique, do you go out and try it on one girl or 10? Also, different techniques work for different kinds of girls and you have to feel it out. As you talk to more and more people you learn how to calibrate yourself. If you haven't tried I also suggest journaling about your experiences. It really helps especially after having a couple of hours to reflect to see where you potentially made mistakes VS Lady Luck not being on your side. From there you can ask yourself "How could I have acted differently to get a more positive response?" Then the next time you're in that situation you can try out your alternative method and see if you get a different reaction. It's all about continuing to try new things and making sure you're not repeating mistakes.

It also kind of sounds like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself. Like Ray said, you're looking at your end game when at this point smaller, more incremental goals will be beneficial. One way to do this is instead of focusing on where you lost, find ways to allow yourself to win. You didn't get her number? Maybe not but she talked to you for 5 minutes! Giving yourself these little internal high fives can over time build confidence which will help you in everything else. Best wishes and keep it up!

 

[Desert Eagle]

Good on you for pushing past your frustrations. That takes a lot of fortitude and you should give yourself credit for that alone. Ray gave a lot of good advice, but a good question might be to consider how you've been practicing? When you say you try a technique, do you go out and try it on one girl or 10? Also, different techniques work for different kinds of girls and you have to feel it out. As you talk to more and more people you learn how to calibrate yourself. If you haven't tried I also suggest journaling about your experiences. It really helps especially after having a couple of hours to reflect to see where you potentially made mistakes VS Lady Luck not being on your side. From there you can ask yourself "How could I have acted differently to get a more positive response?" Then the next time you're in that situation you can try out your alternative method and see if you get a different reaction. It's all about continuing to try new things and making sure you're not repeating mistakes.

It also kind of sounds like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself. Like Ray said, you're looking at your end game when at this point smaller, more incremental goals will be beneficial. One way to do this is instead of focusing on where you lost, find ways to allow yourself to win. You didn't get her number? Maybe not but she talked to you for 5 minutes! Giving yourself these little internal high fives can over time build confidence which will help you in everything else. Best wishes and keep it up!

Yeah I started journaling and I incorporate advice into all my interactions with people. Definitely need to up the exposure which I've been working on.

As for the pressure, I tend to put a lot on myself. I have high goals and want to succeed, but I constantly remind myself to take it down a notch and just work on what I can do now. Good advice on finding ways to win no matter the situation.

 

[someone]

From the way you write you sound like an intense person. There's nothing wrong with that, in fact props to you for it. The world needs intense people to compose great music, write great novels, direct great films, and assassinate dictators. The thing is though, while those guys make for great biopics on A&E, they aren't the kinds of guys MOST people want to be around. You have to remember that the majority of people in this world are hedonistic and shallow. You are a lion wanting to hang out with sheep. The sheep know you're not one of them, and they see that you can also be dangerous (he might make us think about more than just Glee and Joe Jonas!)

If you want to hang with the sheep, you've got to be less intense. The easiest way to do that is to take yourself less seriously. Some guys make the mistake of becoming the comedian, which doesn't help much with getting girls either. You never go full comedian. Just take life less seriously. Pretend that life is one big joke and seek out everyone who may be in on that joke with you. You'd be surprised how effective this is. Also, you need to have a good idea of what you're after. If you want one-night stands with girls, then it's honestly pretty easy. You go somewhere that girls are looking for exactly that (a bar for instance) and you hit on them. You'll suck at first, but if you don't take yourself seriously, it won't matter. Here's the truly beautiful thing: you will get better at hitting on women because you won't fear rejection, AND you will get better at coming off as not giving a fuck about anything anyone says or thinks about you.

If you have the luxury of having some female friends, I encourage you to ask them what they think about you as a woman. Ask them what they look for in a man. The closer you are to a girl, the more honest she'll be. Most of the women I talk to express an attraction for something intangible, the way a man "carries himself" is a pretty typical response. The thing is, you can drive yourself crazy trying to fine tune each and every component of what makes a man carry himself well. It's better to operate under one set philosophy and let everything else fall into place which means taking yourself less seriously.

The truly difficult thing about this game is the fact that the harder you want to succeed, the more forced your persona becomes. Relax, accept the rejection which is inevitable, and embrace the success which comes of it all.