FR++ Couldn't overcome the 'last minute resistance'

[RodeoRyan]

Note: This is an update on a previous FR++ I wrote a couple days ago, but here's a quick summary of that post...

Summary of previous FR++
She met at my apartment for some drinks on a Friday night. We had a good conversation, including how she's not looking for a BF and that she's had sex with most of the guys she's dated, BEFORE being "official." But I moved too slowly and by the time I finally got her in bed with me, I was soo tired and fell asleep whilst fingering her... So a few days later I set up another time for her to come back to my place so I could get my redemption.

Before Physical Escalation
Since I moved too slowly last time, I made it a point to move much faster this time. We both poured ourselves a beer when she arrived and sat on the couch to talk for a bit. We maybe sat there for 20 minutes while we drank our beer. When we finished our beer, I said, "Why don't we head to my room to watch a movie?" I also asked her if she wanted a pair of sweatpants to sleep in and she said sure. I handed her the pants and she immediately proceeded to drop her jeans and slide on the pajamas. She put in a movie and we got cozy in my bed. (I didn't care much what movie we watched since I had no plans of making it past the first 15 minutes before we got physical.)

Escalating Physically
For about the first 15 minutes of the movie, I just rubbed my hand up and down her leg, caressed her stomach, etc. Then she got up, went to the bathroom and when she came back, she laid down on her back. I took this as my cue. I gently grabbed her chin, turned her face towards mine, gazed into her eyes with a grin and we immediately began making out passionately. Every now and again I would slide down and kiss/lick her neck softly. Maybe 5 minutes later, I had my hand down her pants, fingering her pussy. Then I slipped my other hand up her shirt. At this point, it's getting pretty heated, she's biting my lip and making a few moans and groans. So I decided to get her on top of me so I could more easily get her shirt off...and this is where the resistance began.

Resistance
In my past experience, when a girl's on top of you and you start to take her shirt off, she puts her hands in the air to help the de-shirting process. However, when I started slipping her shirt upward, she never put her hands in the air...so I just went with it for the time being, got back on top of her, and moved back to fingering her. (I thought that maybe if I just got her a little more horny she wouldn't resist as much.) I was tired of having to shove her panties out of the way while fingering her so I tried taking her pants off. Again, her hands shoved my hands away indicating to me that she wanted her pants left on... This continued on for several times, and each time I tried to remove an article of clothing, it was met with more resistance. And in between these attempts, she kept grabbing me to put me on top of her to have "dry sex." (Back before I had the "don't chase em, replace em" mentality, I spent 4-months in a relationship that never got past dry sex - I never even fingered her.) I'm sooo past dry humping and would rather roll over and go to sleep than engage in dry sex. So I would always just roll off to the side and go back to what we were doing before that. Finally, I even tried to slowly draw her hand towards my cock several times, but she kept pulling her hand away...

Dealing With the Resistance
I'm not too great at dealing with resistance like this... But I remembered reading a post by Ricardus a while back that mentioned freezing a girl out:

And probably the most famous technique to get a girl to stop freezing you out sexually is to freeze her out emotionally.

If she won’t play ball, you disengage and stop caressing her… you don’t pout, you don’t argue… you simply say that it’s okay, and then you stop all intimacy and talk to her as if there was no male female dynamic going on AT ALL.

In most situations, she will soon crave your touch and re-initiate… and then you can take it a bit further than when she stopped you.

So I tried this technique but this didn't work either... I even considered just straight up asking her what was wrong and why wouldn't she let me take any of her clothes off but eventually decided against it. One time, I told a girl something like, "You know I'm gonna wake up tomorrow with blue balls right?" and she replied with, "So what can I do to make sure that doesn't happen?" She ended up giving me a BJ. But while this technique also crossed my mind, I didn't try this one either. Finally I just gave up (as it got to the point that I wasn't really horny any more). I grabbed her, pulled her close and we fell asleep.

Final Thoughts
Really, the only explanation I can come up with is that she views me as "boyfriend material" and is taking it slow in fear of screwing something up with sex. This is a tough one to swallow, but perhaps I didn't get my sexual frames just right and/or presented myself as high-value to her. I'm not sure how to overcome this. Ricardus suggests telling her that the 2 of you should just be friends. And finally, the one thing I can't seem to understand is when she grabbed the PJs I gave her, immediately dropped her pants and slid the PJs on... When she did this, I couldn't help but think to myself, "Wow! That's super sexy. She's so confident and has a very liberal sexual frame. She is definitely going to sleep with me."

I still have NO correlation for why she was willing to drop her pants then and there, but wouldn't let me take them off when we were escalating physically...Any thoughts would be appreciated.

~ Cheers

 

[Dorian Gray]

Re: FR++ Couldn't overcome the 'last minute resistance'

Hmm hard for me to tell what went wrong here, but here's a few things I probably would have done differently.

1. At the first sign of resistance, I ALWAYS tell the girl "if you wan't me to stop just say stop." You can elaborate on this and say something like "you turn me on a lot and it's hard for me not to wanna do these things with you. I'm a guy and you turn me on, you can't blame me for trying?" Say the last part with a knowing smile and she'll ususally melt.
2. I think it's fine to ask a girl what's wrong. If nothing else works, why the hell not? Many times she will tell you exactly what's wrong and then you can deal with it the problem instead of guessing why she won't sleep with you.
3. Did you turn the lights off and pull the covers over you? It's weird, but sometimes girls just aren't comfortable with you seeing them naked even though they want to fuck you.
4. Try again and again and again. Sometimes they just need a little persistance.

 

[RodeoRyan]

Re: FR++ Couldn't overcome the 'last minute resistance'

1. At the first sign of resistance, I ALWAYS tell the girl "if you wan't me to stop just say stop." You can elaborate on this and say something like "you turn me on a lot and it's hard for me not to wanna do these things with you. I'm a guy and you turn me on, you can't blame me for trying?" Say the last part with a knowing smile and she'll ususally melt.

That's some great advice. I will definitely try this the next time I encounter some resistance. The way I see it, if she didn't want it, she would have left. So the fact that she's still lying there with you means she's just waiting for you to "convince" her it's alright, possibly by getting the sexual frame right.

3. Did you turn the lights off and pull the covers over you? It's weird, but sometimes girls just aren't comfortable with you seeing them naked even though they want to fuck you.

Funny you mention that. So we were watching a movie like I said, when I started to kiss her. After my first attempt to take her clothes off, I realized maybe she was uncomfortable because the TV DID make the room a little bright. So I got up and turned it off which made the room much darker... but still nothing.

And I still can't understand how a girl would be comfortable enough with me to take her pants off in front of me to put on sweatpants, but then she won't let me take those sweatpants off later... In hindsight, I could have executed better here. At the time, I was only wearing boxers (as I was also changing into PJs). Perhaps it would have been a good idea when she dropped her pants to say something like, "Wow, those are some sexy panties. They look so good on you." and then step over to her, before she can get the sweatpants on, and gaze into her eyes while caressing her body. Then maybe slowly walk her over, in my arms, to the bed and lay her down as I begin to kiss her passionately.

In this case, neither one of us would have been wearing our pants and it would have been much easier to close the deal... welp, as always, hindsight's 20/20.

~ Cheers

 

[Chase]

Rodeo-

I saw you have a couple of lay reports up - haven't gotten to them yet, but I'm assuming this girl is one of the girls. That said, a few notes:

Escalating Physically
For about the first 15 minutes of the movie, I just rubbed my hand up and down her leg, caressed her stomach, etc. Then she got up, went to the bathroom and when she came back, she laid down on her back. I took this as my cue. I gently grabbed her chin, turned her face towards mine, gazed into her eyes with a grin and we immediately began making out passionately. Every now and again I would slide down and kiss/lick her neck softly. Maybe 5 minutes later, I had my hand down her pants, fingering her pussy. Then I slipped my other hand up her shirt. At this point, it's getting pretty heated, she's biting my lip and making a few moans and groans. So I decided to get her on top of me so I could more easily get her shirt off...and this is where the resistance began.

Great job making things happen faster this time around.

Resistance
In my past experience, when a girl's on top of you and you start to take her shirt off, she puts her hands in the air to help the de-shirting process. However, when I started slipping her shirt upward, she never put her hands in the air...so I just went with it for the time being, got back on top of her, and moved back to fingering her. (I thought that maybe if I just got her a little more horny she wouldn't resist as much.) I was tired of having to shove her panties out of the way while fingering her so I tried taking her pants off. Again, her hands shoved my hands away indicating to me that she wanted her pants left on... This continued on for several times, and each time I tried to remove an article of clothing, it was met with more resistance. And in between these attempts, she kept grabbing me to put me on top of her to have "dry sex." (Back before I had the "don't chase em, replace em" mentality, I spent 4-months in a relationship that never got past dry sex - I never even fingered her.) I'm sooo past dry humping and would rather roll over and go to sleep than engage in dry sex. So I would always just roll off to the side and go back to what we were doing before that. Finally, I even tried to slowly draw her hand towards my cock several times, but she kept pulling her hand away...

Go for pants first, shirts not until after her panties are off and yours are off and (preferably) you've already been inside her. You stand a much better chance at skirting the channels most men use to get her and avoiding her autopilot resistance this way.

Finally I just gave up (as it got to the point that I wasn't really horny any more). I grabbed her, pulled her close and we fell asleep.

Much of the time, when you sleep with a girl, you can wake up later at night or the next morning and immediately have sex. Because she's in a more primal state (coming out of sleep), she's going to do what she WANTS, rather than what she's logically decided to do, and if she WANTS sex with you (and if she's making out with you, engaging in foreplay with you, and sleeping with you... she probably wants sex with you), she'll do it here.

I still have NO correlation for why she was willing to drop her pants then and there, but wouldn't let me take them off when we were escalating physically...Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Simply a way of enticing and exciting you, sort of like if you change shirts in front of a girl and "inadvertently" show off your abs.

Chase

 

[Mr. oblivious]

Dealing With the Resistance
I'm not too great at dealing with resistance like this... But I remembered reading a post by Ricardus a while back that mentioned freezing a girl out:

And probably the most famous technique to get a girl to stop freezing you out sexually is to freeze her out emotionally.

If she won’t play ball, you disengage and stop caressing her… you don’t pout, you don’t argue… you simply say that it’s okay, and then you stop all intimacy and talk to her as if there was no male female dynamic going on AT ALL.

In most situations, she will soon crave your touch and re-initiate… and then you can take it a bit further than when she stopped you.

The funny thing is before i read this part i was just thinking if i was fingering her and she moved her hand away from my Dick when i put it there i would just stop fingering her (looks like some of the articles are starting to become instinct now especially since i don't remember read that article would of been a long time ago)

"You know I'm gonna wake up tomorrow with blue balls right?" and she replied with, "So what can I do to make sure that doesn't happen?" She ended up giving me a BJ. But while this technique also crossed my mind, I didn't try this one either. Finally I just gave up (as it got to the point that I wasn't really horny any more). I grabbed her, pulled her close and we fell asleep.

Wait did she give you Bj or not or are you saying thats what would of happened if you said "You know im gonna wake up with blue balls tomorrow"
Anyways when she said "So what can I do to make sure that doesn't happen?" i think this was a perfect opportunity to use some non verbals and start escalating just start kissing her next etc. (not sure if that would of work but worth a try)

Im assuming she was slotting you in the body friend category or she must be lonely as hell





anyways good report

 

[RodeoRyan]

Sorry just now getting back to your question... but anyway, as I mentioned in the post, I was just referencing a past experience where I had told a girl I was going to wake up with blue balls. So she asked what she could do to help and ended up giving me a BJ. Didn't try that with this girl though.

Although, if you didn't end up seeing my other FR for this girl, I ended up taking her to bed the next time and many times thereafter. So in the end, all worked out.