I always enjoy a lively discussion about women with my friends. It's always a raucous, heated, back-and-forth, insult-hurling, ball-busting time.
And it also reveals a lot about their proclivities in their dating lives.
But a lot times it devolves into a self-defeating rant about their inability to find the woman they want.
I have a friend who is quite good-looking. He has beautiful green eyes that always draw attention, he's built, he has a deep, resonant voice, dresses in that trendy streetwear style. He gets compliments from women all the time about how "gorgeous he is". Yet, he always makes excuses for why he can't get the women he wants. The man has it "better" than me (on paper), but he still finds ways to victimize himself.
I have another friend who is tall, muscular, and athletic. He draws comparisons to Idris Elba and he gets quite the looks from women whenever he steps into a room. He's got a great sense of humor. But he's painfully shy and has a terrible time holding eye contact with intimidatingly beautiful women. He actually gets uncomfortable and wants to disappear when I fool around and randomly strike up conversations with women in the mall, at a restaurant, at the bar. He has a "nice" girlfriend, who he spends nearly all his time with when he's not working or playing video games. Yet... he maintains he's a free man, can get any woman he wants and thinks he's the most charming man on the planet.
We all find excuses to fail, when we should be examining ways to succeed.
Whether it's because you're too short, or you're too skinny, or too fat, or you're not the right "race" or type... we keep making those excuses. We keep making those excuses to remain in mediocrity and wallow in self-pity.
The biggest turning point for me in my path to self-realization was learning that the majority of women are actually nice, sweet, decent human beings who aren't out to rip your soul out for approaching them. In fact, some of the most beautiful women that I've met and dated were the sweetest, nicest, and well-mannered people I've known.
Our attitudes and beliefs about women subconsciously project and leak out through our behaviors. If we have negative attitudes and bitterness towards women, they will sense it. Do not underestimate a woman's intuition. Their social calibration and understanding of nuances are often much sharper than the average man. She will sense something is off.
A younger me once swore off dating Asian women. They reminded me too much of my sisters, my aunties, my cousins. I also harbored resentment towards the Asian girls that I knew, where a number of them explicitly expressed disdain for Asian men and went deliberately for white and black men.
I didn't seek role models, mentors or exemplars for myself on how to be a strong, masculine man without sacrificing my roots.
But as time passed and I learned to appreciate the beauty of different types of women, and I began seeking women regardless of their race/ethnicity, I actually began to become better with other types of women. I sorted out my baggage with Asian women. I began dating a number of them. And strangely, as I made peace with these inner demons, my attitudes shifted and I became more nonjudgmental and laidback. And as a whole, I became better at meeting and dating women who were outside my group as well.
The biggest reason behind this was me fully embracing my identity as an Asian man. While being "Asian" doesn't define me, I needed to accept and make it part of me. In high school and college, I tried too hard to be something else. Essentially, I was trying to make people forget that I was Asian!
But this is self-defeating, and pathetic. You don't need to be more like those "white and black guys". There is nothing wrong or even unattractive about being Asian or any other "race" for that matter.
What's unattractive is your lack of comfort with the racial/cultural component of your identity.
It's impossible for people to see me as just "that Asian guy" nowadays. I've moved far past that simplistic, limiting label. I've developed my character to the point where I'm no longer a fake, wannnabe white frat boy/black guy. No, I'm proud of my heritage, but it's only one part of me. And people know this the instant they meet me.
Gentlemen. There are no excuses. Only rationalizations in our minds about our own failure to act and refine ourselves.
And it also reveals a lot about their proclivities in their dating lives.
But a lot times it devolves into a self-defeating rant about their inability to find the woman they want.
I have a friend who is quite good-looking. He has beautiful green eyes that always draw attention, he's built, he has a deep, resonant voice, dresses in that trendy streetwear style. He gets compliments from women all the time about how "gorgeous he is". Yet, he always makes excuses for why he can't get the women he wants. The man has it "better" than me (on paper), but he still finds ways to victimize himself.
I have another friend who is tall, muscular, and athletic. He draws comparisons to Idris Elba and he gets quite the looks from women whenever he steps into a room. He's got a great sense of humor. But he's painfully shy and has a terrible time holding eye contact with intimidatingly beautiful women. He actually gets uncomfortable and wants to disappear when I fool around and randomly strike up conversations with women in the mall, at a restaurant, at the bar. He has a "nice" girlfriend, who he spends nearly all his time with when he's not working or playing video games. Yet... he maintains he's a free man, can get any woman he wants and thinks he's the most charming man on the planet.
We all find excuses to fail, when we should be examining ways to succeed.
Whether it's because you're too short, or you're too skinny, or too fat, or you're not the right "race" or type... we keep making those excuses. We keep making those excuses to remain in mediocrity and wallow in self-pity.
The biggest turning point for me in my path to self-realization was learning that the majority of women are actually nice, sweet, decent human beings who aren't out to rip your soul out for approaching them. In fact, some of the most beautiful women that I've met and dated were the sweetest, nicest, and well-mannered people I've known.
Our attitudes and beliefs about women subconsciously project and leak out through our behaviors. If we have negative attitudes and bitterness towards women, they will sense it. Do not underestimate a woman's intuition. Their social calibration and understanding of nuances are often much sharper than the average man. She will sense something is off.
A younger me once swore off dating Asian women. They reminded me too much of my sisters, my aunties, my cousins. I also harbored resentment towards the Asian girls that I knew, where a number of them explicitly expressed disdain for Asian men and went deliberately for white and black men.
I didn't seek role models, mentors or exemplars for myself on how to be a strong, masculine man without sacrificing my roots.
But as time passed and I learned to appreciate the beauty of different types of women, and I began seeking women regardless of their race/ethnicity, I actually began to become better with other types of women. I sorted out my baggage with Asian women. I began dating a number of them. And strangely, as I made peace with these inner demons, my attitudes shifted and I became more nonjudgmental and laidback. And as a whole, I became better at meeting and dating women who were outside my group as well.
The biggest reason behind this was me fully embracing my identity as an Asian man. While being "Asian" doesn't define me, I needed to accept and make it part of me. In high school and college, I tried too hard to be something else. Essentially, I was trying to make people forget that I was Asian!
But this is self-defeating, and pathetic. You don't need to be more like those "white and black guys". There is nothing wrong or even unattractive about being Asian or any other "race" for that matter.
What's unattractive is your lack of comfort with the racial/cultural component of your identity.
It's impossible for people to see me as just "that Asian guy" nowadays. I've moved far past that simplistic, limiting label. I've developed my character to the point where I'm no longer a fake, wannnabe white frat boy/black guy. No, I'm proud of my heritage, but it's only one part of me. And people know this the instant they meet me.
Gentlemen. There are no excuses. Only rationalizations in our minds about our own failure to act and refine ourselves.
