- Joined
- Jul 23, 2017
- Messages
- 187
I won't sugar coat it... this is a long one. It's complicated, but I've found myself stuck in one of those problems you'd say "damned, if I do damned if don't". But you probably already knew that, it's why you clicked on this article. And so let's get the background over with then we'll get to what's just happened tonight, then if anyone out there's able to give some awesome advice I can cross this off my list and leave this post with just ninety-nine problems.
(Background)
First things first, if you haven't read any of my posts then you probably have no idea I'm in my second year of high school. Now you do, there you go. Anyways, it all started about a year ago from today (I know that's a long time, but stick with me... There's a large gap in there.). We met in our math class, even the average Joe could tell you she liked me from how she starred when I wasn't looking from my peripheral vision. Thankfully I had already discovered Girls Chase, so everything went smoothly. Things went smoothly with more girls than I remember that year, too smoothly. I ended up going out with another girl who she was friends with for about a solid two weeks (I'm terrible in relationships, never really get the chance to practice the stuff I read on it since it's pretty much dead by the time I do). When we broke up after those two weeks, I knew the girl I met in math class (let's call her Jessica) would say yes to me asking her out since I knew how to ask a girl out pretty confidently by then and she was still showing strong signs of interest. So, I asked her out and she did exactly as I expected. She said yes. Little did I know I would be her first boyfriend (I'm 17, she's 16 currently). Everything leading up to the date was pretty platonic, we texted every night before the date, we flirted in class as usual, but there wasn't really much inference of anything more sexual than a valentines day card. The date it's self took place at her house after her parents picked me up. They had promised to give us complete privacy, doors closed and everything.
They gave us the finished basement, with a couch big enough for eight people. She seemed to be pretty curious about me, asking plenty of questions. I answered some, a few I wasn't willing to answer just yet. We eventually went out on a walk. when we went to cross a busy road in her neighborhood I took her hand and ran with her across the street. Once we crossed it, she shook her hand out of mine. I managed to move us to the basement where we would be alone. Unfortunately, the last girl I went out with had only just broken up with me (which marked the end of a passionate relationship) and I had become so needy I hadn't been able to keep my head on straight. I just wanted to get to the sex part already, trying play wrestling, cuddling on the couch, deep diving (I had basically reverted back to average Joe Wanderer.o'7 for a day). Nothing worked (obviously) and I had to go after about an hour or two had passed. They dropped me off by my place, I looked over at her and said goodbye. I had noticed she had her hand between her legs in very suggestive manner. "Welp, at least imaginary me gets some action tonight" I thought to myself.
As the next week went on, she seemed to become gradually distant. I had just managed to get over the girl I went out with before her, enough so to see the crazies were right, the end was near. By the end of the week, she had finally said she just wasn't ready for us. We ended up being friends, my thinking was that at least I had an idea as to how to get out of the friend zone (she gave me a lot of practice, going back and forth over the year, between flirty and friendly). I did end up getting out of the friend zone, more than once. During this time, I ended up with a few more girls. By the time I got back to her (romantically, we were in the same class... remember?) it was the end of the school year. I ended up asking her out three times. Never got a yes, got a maybe once. She was still very flirtatious and gave clear signs of interest, she even started dressing like me (I was that guy who dressed in the fancy clothes for a while). So, on the last day of school (did I mention this was my last day in the school forever and everyone knew it) I wrote her a letter. You laugh now, but that thing was by far my best work yet. It made even me a little wet. I'm sure it would've worked, but I had to act like it was the fifth grade and tell her to wait to read it until she got home and some other guy who was pretty similar to myself in every way except how we looked (then I would've assumed he was a long lost brother) had the same idea. Except he asked her out in person before she could get home. You know what she said? Yes, she said yes. We ended up texting over it that (entire) night. We came to a conclusion, neither of us wanted to part ways but I was very clear I didn't need anymore friends. So we did... or at least we tried.
I was very active during the summer with meeting new girls (if you want an example I wrote a field report on one a while back), but she still wasn't off my mind. Eventually, I gave in and sent her a text trying to set up a meet since her birthday was coming up. She gladly accepted and gave me her schedule, letting me know when I could drop by. I had already made plans with another girl who had invited me over when nobody was home, she ended up taking back her invitation (still sends them just to screw with me, I know from experience. Turns out Jessica's friends with her too.) but all Jessica knew was that I'd be in the neighborhood visiting someone (they also live a few blocks away from each other) so I had an excuse to drop by without looking like I walked there (which is a few miles). Which would be good because, I did walk there. Took. All. Damn. Day. Don't get me wrong, it was a fun walk but I forgot the sunscreen and didn't have much water. When I go to knock on the door, her mother opens it. Very surprised to see me. I asked her if Jessica was home and that's when she calls her downstairs. I was caught off guard when I noticed she was rocking a two piece, getting ready for a swim with her girl friend who slept over. She was caught off guard just as much when she see's I dropped by later in the week than she expected. I hung out by the pool while they took a few dives here and we had a group conversation between Jessica, her friend, and her little sister. Her new boyfriend came up in conversation and I was pretty clear I didn't want to hear about him (I was graceful, don't worry. I just acted like I was about throw up). Eventually Jessica had to run back inside for a towel before they decided to play cards. But when the cards came out, we didn't play. She started to pay more attention to me, showing more interest with her body language (you know, the whole facing you, sexy facial look, arms not crossed).
Apparently her parents, just wanted me to say my piece and leave. So, I had her sneak me out alongside the house where a tall fence was. Which kept us out of view from everybody else. We got straight to the talking part and I told her, I got her a birthday gift. I had her turn around so I could make a sexual pun "Great, now I won't have to imagine" as I pulled out a bracelet from my pocket. It was shinny but I assure you as I did her, it wasn't expensive. It was just a reference to the time we spent together, something to remember me by. She comes in for a kiss but I'm so worn from the heat and the walk with a lack of water on a hot summer day. I ended up stumbling forward, almost blacking out and going in for a hug instead. After that, we gradually let go at the arm. Only leaving each other's touch at the wrist. As the gate closed between us, she said she'd see me at the party and to call next time (She was kidding, I did text her before leaving without a response). We didn't end up seeing each other after that. The party never happened since she ended up sneaking out with her cousins and getting caught by her parents. I know this because she texted me, distraught about the whole thing. I wasn't her shoulder to cry on, but I couldn't help but ask what the hell happened. We would go on to text maybe once a month or so for the next four months until she texts me saying she wants to hang out (She had asked for a friendly group hang out before, which I always painstakingly did turn down. They always sounded like fun. I didn't get the impression that's what she meant this time.). There was a parade in town she was going to see since her sis was in it. Which leads us to tonight.
(Tonight)
My Mother, was out of town for the night. Which meant I had the house to myself and Jessica would be in town, probably alone in the crowd. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to lose my virginity to someone I really do like, so I took it and cleaned my room up a bit before leaving for the parade (which was basically on my porch). After texting back and forth to find her, I see her. She's with her family. I was hoping she could drive by now, but whatever I'll just have to isolate us. I walk up behind her and place my hand in front of her eyes "Did ya miss me?". I was pretty disappointed when she started talking to me like she did her friends "Hey! What's up dude, I haven't seen you in forever.". We still hugged it out afterwards as a greet. We hung out and chatted for a bit. About four minutes pass by and I'm getting ready to take her back to my place when one of her other guy friends walks out of the house behind us and hangs out with us (We've both known him for as long as we can remember, he's a weird but cool guy) and shows us his old trench coat as if he was continuing a previous conversation. We ended up staying at the parade for the rest of the interaction. He ended up doing most of the talking which I used to relate to, telling a few stories.
Eventually, I bring up I've got the house to myself and I see a brief expression on her face that said she saw the same opportunity I did. Not even kidding, that's the only way I can describe it. She didn't move with me as I had expected, though and I ended up standing in the cold with them. Her parents did keep an eye on us but were pretty nice in general, no hostility at all. Between Jessica and I, there wasn't too much dialogue but there was a lot of touch when I had her attention and I had learned she had just recently broken up with her boyfriend (not sure why). None of that matters, though. We all know that. We all know I fucked up. I knew that then, too. So after actually seeing her walk away, I walked back home, freezing cold and alone. I was as frustrated as hell and ended up leaving a dent in my bedroom wall (sitting next to it now). Once I calmed down, I sent her a message. "It's getting late and I gotta get up earlier tomorrow, so I'm just gonna say what I gotta say: (her name) look, I realize you wanted us to hang out and have fun. But I was thinking we'd get the chance to catch up, there's just so much going on you never told me about, almost as much as me! You're becoming more and more interesting! And to add on to that, you're just as fun to hang out with! So how about we set up another time for us to meet up and actually catch up" Her reply: "Maybe yeah I'll see when I'm free" Then my last message of the night: "It's alright you're too busy to meet up sometime next week, we could just do it another day. Either way, I'll text ya tomorrow and we sort it out then. I gotta go get some writing in and go to bed."
(Question)
And so here I am, writing on this site instead of my novel. So that I may finally ask: what the hell do I do here? Even when I move on to other girls who are passionate with me, I can't go on feeling right. Trying to live life without her for the time I did almost threw me into a rough depression (been there, know well enough to do whatever it takes to stay away from there.), but being a friend is torture as you become some nonsexual sap in her eyes who stands less and less of a chance every day. Thanks for reading all that, I know I probably gave some excess background but I pretty much ended up kicking into writer/storyteller mode and I wanted to make sure I covered all the bases. Anyways, any smart ideas or advice?
(Background)
First things first, if you haven't read any of my posts then you probably have no idea I'm in my second year of high school. Now you do, there you go. Anyways, it all started about a year ago from today (I know that's a long time, but stick with me... There's a large gap in there.). We met in our math class, even the average Joe could tell you she liked me from how she starred when I wasn't looking from my peripheral vision. Thankfully I had already discovered Girls Chase, so everything went smoothly. Things went smoothly with more girls than I remember that year, too smoothly. I ended up going out with another girl who she was friends with for about a solid two weeks (I'm terrible in relationships, never really get the chance to practice the stuff I read on it since it's pretty much dead by the time I do). When we broke up after those two weeks, I knew the girl I met in math class (let's call her Jessica) would say yes to me asking her out since I knew how to ask a girl out pretty confidently by then and she was still showing strong signs of interest. So, I asked her out and she did exactly as I expected. She said yes. Little did I know I would be her first boyfriend (I'm 17, she's 16 currently). Everything leading up to the date was pretty platonic, we texted every night before the date, we flirted in class as usual, but there wasn't really much inference of anything more sexual than a valentines day card. The date it's self took place at her house after her parents picked me up. They had promised to give us complete privacy, doors closed and everything.
They gave us the finished basement, with a couch big enough for eight people. She seemed to be pretty curious about me, asking plenty of questions. I answered some, a few I wasn't willing to answer just yet. We eventually went out on a walk. when we went to cross a busy road in her neighborhood I took her hand and ran with her across the street. Once we crossed it, she shook her hand out of mine. I managed to move us to the basement where we would be alone. Unfortunately, the last girl I went out with had only just broken up with me (which marked the end of a passionate relationship) and I had become so needy I hadn't been able to keep my head on straight. I just wanted to get to the sex part already, trying play wrestling, cuddling on the couch, deep diving (I had basically reverted back to average Joe Wanderer.o'7 for a day). Nothing worked (obviously) and I had to go after about an hour or two had passed. They dropped me off by my place, I looked over at her and said goodbye. I had noticed she had her hand between her legs in very suggestive manner. "Welp, at least imaginary me gets some action tonight" I thought to myself.
As the next week went on, she seemed to become gradually distant. I had just managed to get over the girl I went out with before her, enough so to see the crazies were right, the end was near. By the end of the week, she had finally said she just wasn't ready for us. We ended up being friends, my thinking was that at least I had an idea as to how to get out of the friend zone (she gave me a lot of practice, going back and forth over the year, between flirty and friendly). I did end up getting out of the friend zone, more than once. During this time, I ended up with a few more girls. By the time I got back to her (romantically, we were in the same class... remember?) it was the end of the school year. I ended up asking her out three times. Never got a yes, got a maybe once. She was still very flirtatious and gave clear signs of interest, she even started dressing like me (I was that guy who dressed in the fancy clothes for a while). So, on the last day of school (did I mention this was my last day in the school forever and everyone knew it) I wrote her a letter. You laugh now, but that thing was by far my best work yet. It made even me a little wet. I'm sure it would've worked, but I had to act like it was the fifth grade and tell her to wait to read it until she got home and some other guy who was pretty similar to myself in every way except how we looked (then I would've assumed he was a long lost brother) had the same idea. Except he asked her out in person before she could get home. You know what she said? Yes, she said yes. We ended up texting over it that (entire) night. We came to a conclusion, neither of us wanted to part ways but I was very clear I didn't need anymore friends. So we did... or at least we tried.
I was very active during the summer with meeting new girls (if you want an example I wrote a field report on one a while back), but she still wasn't off my mind. Eventually, I gave in and sent her a text trying to set up a meet since her birthday was coming up. She gladly accepted and gave me her schedule, letting me know when I could drop by. I had already made plans with another girl who had invited me over when nobody was home, she ended up taking back her invitation (still sends them just to screw with me, I know from experience. Turns out Jessica's friends with her too.) but all Jessica knew was that I'd be in the neighborhood visiting someone (they also live a few blocks away from each other) so I had an excuse to drop by without looking like I walked there (which is a few miles). Which would be good because, I did walk there. Took. All. Damn. Day. Don't get me wrong, it was a fun walk but I forgot the sunscreen and didn't have much water. When I go to knock on the door, her mother opens it. Very surprised to see me. I asked her if Jessica was home and that's when she calls her downstairs. I was caught off guard when I noticed she was rocking a two piece, getting ready for a swim with her girl friend who slept over. She was caught off guard just as much when she see's I dropped by later in the week than she expected. I hung out by the pool while they took a few dives here and we had a group conversation between Jessica, her friend, and her little sister. Her new boyfriend came up in conversation and I was pretty clear I didn't want to hear about him (I was graceful, don't worry. I just acted like I was about throw up). Eventually Jessica had to run back inside for a towel before they decided to play cards. But when the cards came out, we didn't play. She started to pay more attention to me, showing more interest with her body language (you know, the whole facing you, sexy facial look, arms not crossed).
Apparently her parents, just wanted me to say my piece and leave. So, I had her sneak me out alongside the house where a tall fence was. Which kept us out of view from everybody else. We got straight to the talking part and I told her, I got her a birthday gift. I had her turn around so I could make a sexual pun "Great, now I won't have to imagine" as I pulled out a bracelet from my pocket. It was shinny but I assure you as I did her, it wasn't expensive. It was just a reference to the time we spent together, something to remember me by. She comes in for a kiss but I'm so worn from the heat and the walk with a lack of water on a hot summer day. I ended up stumbling forward, almost blacking out and going in for a hug instead. After that, we gradually let go at the arm. Only leaving each other's touch at the wrist. As the gate closed between us, she said she'd see me at the party and to call next time (She was kidding, I did text her before leaving without a response). We didn't end up seeing each other after that. The party never happened since she ended up sneaking out with her cousins and getting caught by her parents. I know this because she texted me, distraught about the whole thing. I wasn't her shoulder to cry on, but I couldn't help but ask what the hell happened. We would go on to text maybe once a month or so for the next four months until she texts me saying she wants to hang out (She had asked for a friendly group hang out before, which I always painstakingly did turn down. They always sounded like fun. I didn't get the impression that's what she meant this time.). There was a parade in town she was going to see since her sis was in it. Which leads us to tonight.
(Tonight)
My Mother, was out of town for the night. Which meant I had the house to myself and Jessica would be in town, probably alone in the crowd. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to lose my virginity to someone I really do like, so I took it and cleaned my room up a bit before leaving for the parade (which was basically on my porch). After texting back and forth to find her, I see her. She's with her family. I was hoping she could drive by now, but whatever I'll just have to isolate us. I walk up behind her and place my hand in front of her eyes "Did ya miss me?". I was pretty disappointed when she started talking to me like she did her friends "Hey! What's up dude, I haven't seen you in forever.". We still hugged it out afterwards as a greet. We hung out and chatted for a bit. About four minutes pass by and I'm getting ready to take her back to my place when one of her other guy friends walks out of the house behind us and hangs out with us (We've both known him for as long as we can remember, he's a weird but cool guy) and shows us his old trench coat as if he was continuing a previous conversation. We ended up staying at the parade for the rest of the interaction. He ended up doing most of the talking which I used to relate to, telling a few stories.
Eventually, I bring up I've got the house to myself and I see a brief expression on her face that said she saw the same opportunity I did. Not even kidding, that's the only way I can describe it. She didn't move with me as I had expected, though and I ended up standing in the cold with them. Her parents did keep an eye on us but were pretty nice in general, no hostility at all. Between Jessica and I, there wasn't too much dialogue but there was a lot of touch when I had her attention and I had learned she had just recently broken up with her boyfriend (not sure why). None of that matters, though. We all know that. We all know I fucked up. I knew that then, too. So after actually seeing her walk away, I walked back home, freezing cold and alone. I was as frustrated as hell and ended up leaving a dent in my bedroom wall (sitting next to it now). Once I calmed down, I sent her a message. "It's getting late and I gotta get up earlier tomorrow, so I'm just gonna say what I gotta say: (her name) look, I realize you wanted us to hang out and have fun. But I was thinking we'd get the chance to catch up, there's just so much going on you never told me about, almost as much as me! You're becoming more and more interesting! And to add on to that, you're just as fun to hang out with! So how about we set up another time for us to meet up and actually catch up" Her reply: "Maybe yeah I'll see when I'm free" Then my last message of the night: "It's alright you're too busy to meet up sometime next week, we could just do it another day. Either way, I'll text ya tomorrow and we sort it out then. I gotta go get some writing in and go to bed."
(Question)
And so here I am, writing on this site instead of my novel. So that I may finally ask: what the hell do I do here? Even when I move on to other girls who are passionate with me, I can't go on feeling right. Trying to live life without her for the time I did almost threw me into a rough depression (been there, know well enough to do whatever it takes to stay away from there.), but being a friend is torture as you become some nonsexual sap in her eyes who stands less and less of a chance every day. Thanks for reading all that, I know I probably gave some excess background but I pretty much ended up kicking into writer/storyteller mode and I wanted to make sure I covered all the bases. Anyways, any smart ideas or advice?
