Danger in having little approach anxiety

[shaneawi]

I was wondering if it is problematic when a guy has little approach anxiety?

I've been doing a lot of cold approaches lately to the point where I'm not that nervous but more excited. When I talk to girls I'm playful, witty, having fun and I have a I dont give a Fu*ck attitude. My demeanor is I don't really care about the outcome, I'm adding value and having fun.

One of my issues is that girls may possibly sense that I don't really care about them very much and maybe Im having too much fun with approaching. Are there drawbacks to being too comfortable with approaching?

 

[Sandman]

I wish I had this problem lol.

I've done a handful of approaches at this point but I find if I approach low key and cool I do better than if I approach energetically. It may only be because it's more congruent to my character / style though...

You're saying you're this cool sexy dude with outcome independence. I'm curios to why you're asking if this might be a bad thing. Have you had interactions which made you feel like this might be the case? Can you share any examples?

Interesting post. Will follow-up.

 

[shaneawi]

Yea, but just because I don't have a whole lot of approach anxiety doesn't mean my technique is good.

I do get my fair share of rejections but even after I get turned down I'm still having fun and the girl many times continues to talk me.

I'll usually start with a comment that is specific to what she's wearing or something she did. For example I saw a girl in the gym the other day who was trying to use the Olympic Rings but she couldn't really do it right. I approached and said
"Excuse me, you looked so adorable on the Olympic Rings I wanted to meet you. Who are you?

When a girl rejects me I keep it fun and say "well I just started approaching girls after talking to my therapist. I'm a really shy boy. Now I'm depressed. Because of you I won't be able to talk to girls for a year now." And the girl will look at me and smile like I'm full of crap.

My problem is I do so many approaches it may come off as if I'm so used to approaching that's it's not genuine.

 

[foggy]

My problem is I do so many approaches it may come off as if I'm so used to approaching that's it's not genuine.

You're right...she'll start to get suspicious and start thinking, "Why is this guy so comfortable!? Any other guy would be nervous talking to a random girl he met on the street."

There was actually a thread on this in the general forum (I think) a while back with a well detailed answer regarding the dangers of none/little approach anxiety. One of the other members had hit a plateau due to his virtually non-existent approach anxiety..he was having attainability problems because girls would always think something was fishy. Something like that. I can't find the thread, maybe you can if you're willing to go on a treasure hunt. Or you could wait for some of the big dogs to chime in.

 

[Yhaceed]

You're right...she'll start to get suspicious and start thinking, "Why is this guy so comfortable!? Any other guy would be nervous talking to a random girl he met on the street."

There could be a ton of reasons you're comfortable. Anybody that has a job talking to a lot of people which I did myself a long time ago should be comfortable approaching people like in sales or counselors or maybe even cashiers. It's too bad they may feel you're unattainable sometimes but as for being genuine if you're not using scripts or routines then girls should be able to recognize that and if they don't then they might not be worth the trouble. Personally I would have a problem if some girl was always questioning my motives or if I'm sincere. Anyway hope that helps.

~Yhaceed

 

[Average]

I was wondering if it is problematic when a guy has little approach anxiety?

I've been doing a lot of cold approaches lately to the point where I'm not that nervous but more excited. When I talk to girls I'm playful, witty, having fun and I have a I dont give a Fu*ck attitude. My demeanor is I don't really care about the outcome, I'm adding value and having fun.

One of my issues is that girls may possibly sense that I don't really care about them very much and maybe Im having too much fun with approaching. Are there drawbacks to being too comfortable with approaching?

Hmmmmm. If your problem is that girls think you approach everybody, then try screening them. Screening shows them that you have standards, and if she meets those standards, you can reward her with more attention and it'll make her feel special.

But I think you're doing ok....women love confident guys. I think too much confidence can only be shown if you over-tease her.

 

[shaneawi]

I think its because I've realized that most of the girls who I approach, I will never end up sleeping with so what's the point of being afraid even after she rejects you. After doing lots of approaches I've also realized that the only way a girl can reject you is after talking to you for quite some time, maybe an hour of getting to know you. Getting turned down after a few minutes isn't really a rejection. Ive had girls who have flaked multiple times but when I got them out on a date and they realized how successful I am in my career their whole attitude towards me changed and they started gaming me and escalating on me. I'm also in my late 20's so I feel like the clock is starting to tick as far as being able to approach girls in their early 20's.

 

[Yhaceed]

I'm also in my late 20's so I feel like the clock is starting to tick as far as being able to approach girls in their early 20's.

If you're taking care of yourself the clock is not quite ticking yet. When I was 24 I thought this guy in my class was 22. Turned out he was 32 and I think he said he was still getting carded. I also heard of another guy that my business partners thought was 25 but he was 45. Also recently I asked a girl how old she was and she said 19 then asked me why I wanted to know. It was like she was implying she was old enough to date me and I'm in my 30s. Maybe she thought I was 22. I know this wasn't your topic exactly but since you mentioned it I just figured you should know you shouldn't be worried.

~Yhaceed

 

[shaneawi]

Cool. Thanks Yhaceed. I guess I just feel older when I'm around girls who don't even remember who biggie and 2pac were ha

 

[Michal]

Hello,

I havent read all the responses so just to add to your original question. "Care" is a tricky word, what women would mind is if you did not care about them. On the other hand they expect that until you are either sleeping together or in a relationship (maybe not even after that) you should not expect anything in return from them - they dont owe you anything just because you are sexy or cool.

So, it is up to you whether you care about them or not - that usually depends on your personal standards and how the girl measures up to them.

Michal