FR Date, failed pull home

[Dylan]

Hi everyone,

I'm going to make an effort to post here more. I've been maintaining a personal journal but I will benefit from asking questions and sharing reports here.

So I've been on two dates so far this week. One from Tinder, one from day game. Both of them had other things scheduled afterwards that I could tell they didn't really want to do.

Girl #1 - we went for a drink near my flat so I had good logistics. We talked and I felt we connected well. But she had music practice straight afterwards. She didn't seem like she really wanted to go. I didn't invite her home and we parted ways. I suggested we see each other again to which I got a lukewarm response. I was still optimistic but she hasn't replied.

Girl #2 - we went for a drink today. I thought we connected well - we were talking about sex in quite a liberated, exciting way. I was trying to set a sexual frame that was quite liberal and open to casual sex, but I still think my words might not match my body language and the way I say it. Perhaps that will come with practice - as someone who has not had much casual sex, it would be easy for my words not to be congruent with my body language and delivery. I was dismayed to learn she had a Halloween themed party afterwards. But she said she didn't really want to go out tonight. I suggested we go home to listen to music but she said she wasn't that kind of girl. An awkward silence ensued and then the date ended fairly soon after that. I doubt I'll see her again.

What do you guys do when a girl has something to do immediately after the date? I'm not a particularly pushy guy so for me the hard push will require some work in changing my mindset. How do you handle it?

The other thig

 

[lingua]

we were talking about sex in quite a liberated, exciting way. I was trying to set a sexual frame that was quite liberal and open to casual sex

One thing I know from experience is that sometimes I get carried away when talking about sex with girls, since I like to talk about the subject in a matter-of-fact way with knowledgeable friends and acquaintances, but this is very distinct from the sexual tension building sexual conversation that I have with girls I've successfully escalated with. I don't know if you had this issue with your conversation but if you did then you might want to make a mental note of it for the future. As Chase has mentioned something similar, the best sexual conversations rarely if ever involve the words like sex or orgasm, rather it's a series well crafted wordplay and double entendre that seeks to inspire the right emotions in the girl's mind.

I suggested we go home to listen to music but she said she wasn't that kind of girl. An awkward silence ensued and then the date ended fairly soon after that. I doubt I'll see her again.

I'm trying to imagine what I would have done in your situation at that moment; saying "So you're not the kind of girl that listens to music?" (combined with the skeptical look) was the first thing that came to my mind, but if you hadn't had a nice banter and tease history with her this would have caused her to act more defensive, rather than making her laugh it off and become more receptive. But then again, if the conversation had been sexually playful, the suggestion wouldn't have triggered her anti-slut defence. If she had said that as a LMR excuse you can check out my latest journal post to see how I handled it, by making a logical argument to destroy any remaining doubt she had. Be careful though, if you had responded with a logical argument like mine without having handled her emotional side then it will almost certainly look socially uncalibrated. It's possible you didn't achieve a good vibe with her until the request. I suggest that you check out the articles on disqualifying yourself as a potential boyfriend, as this will help girls act more liberated in your interactions with them. Also, you didn't say how physical the interaction was, touching girls from the start and making them used to your touch is very important in creating a sexual vibe/tension.

What do you guys do when a girl has something to do immediately after the date?

I had a similar problem when I was doing nightgame but I think this answer could be applied here as well.

• If [she's] coupling up and getting close with you but are set on a certain place, it can be okay to go, especially if it isn't a huge party with lots of distraction where you're headed
• If [she's] not coupling up with you or it's a giant party [she's] going to, try to pull them somewhere else - particularly if [she] show you [she's] not completely sold on the place and are open to being pulled elsewhere by sexy, confident men
  [*]If [she's] not coupling up with you or it's a giant party [she's] going to, and [she's] set on going there, don't try to dissuade them; just trade numbers with them, and reconnect with them later after you've let all the other men [she] meet all night do all the work priming the pump for a hook up for you

 

[Mr.Rob]

I suggested we go home to listen to music but she said she wasn't that kind of girl. An awkward silence ensued and then the date ended fairly soon after that. I doubt I'll see her again.

A few things come to my mind here.

For one you have to have better plausible deniability. Music is good but if it's right out of the blue then she kind of has to say "no" otherwise she looks easy/slutty.

For me I usually get on the subject that I have a strict diet that I stick to at some point in the interaction. Then when it's time to pull I say "hey it feels too early to end the night, lets grab some desert before bidding our ways. What do you say?" If it's gone good prior she'll usually say yes or I'll push a little more for her to comply.

Then after she agrees I say "well I can't have desert anywhere but my house because of my diet. We won't even go inside we'll just eat out on the park bench outside my house". Then we go to my house and I bring her inside anyway and all of a sudden get "too lazy" to go back outside. Then I rant and rave dramatically/obnoxiously about how lonely and dark my house is (get's her mind out of autopilot) and I show her my house (to establish comfort of being in all parts of my house) and bring her to my room to eat desert.

Then I put on really cheesy whack love songs and escalate from there.

You gotta lead dude! She's not going to just agree to go home and fuck you that easy (90% of the time).

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As far as how you should've handled it after she said she "isn't that kind of girl". It sounds like you probably froze and didn't know what to do/say after she said that in which she probably got turned off as a result.

Instead next time just change the subject immediately and then try and build up to some better plausible deniability.

Her: Sorry I'm not that kind of girl...
You: Cool, so anyway you were telling me about your Halloween party ... blah blah blah

If she's still somewhat receptive (not cold) and isn't rushing out to leave then just keep things chill and make another attempt to pull, accept do a better job this time.

Read her actions, not her words when it comes to LMR and pulling girls home.

Good luck!

-Rob

 

[Dylan]

cheers guys. Often when this comes up I get bogged down in logical arguments, which isn't really the way to go. Next time I'll just change the subject and try again. With the boyfriend disqualification I've identified that as something I need to be doing. It can be done early on when she asks basic questions about you.

 

[NarrowJ]

Hey Dylan,

Rob gives you some great advice here. Also, on this:

Her: Sorry I'm not that kind of girl...
You: Cool, so anyway you were telling me about your Halloween party ... blah blah blah

Another good way to handle this is to turn it around on her. An example would be something like:

Her: Sorry I'm not that kind of girl...
You: Whoa, hey! Haha I'm not that easy... Your mind in the gutter already, is it? I just thought we could listen to some music and chill for a while.

With a response like that, you not only address her resistance appropriately with a laid back and un-phased approach, but it frames you as the prize and her as a sexual predator (haha). Usually leads to the girl laughing, becoming more relaxed and comfortable about it, and gets her thinking sexual thoughts about the two of you

J.J.

 

[Dylan]

Thanks for the input lingua, Mr Rob and Narrow J. It's gratifying to get advice from guys who have been around the block a fair few times more than me! I do appreciate it.

As mentioned on my journal https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=15&t=4650&p=39831#p39831 I'm grasping the importance of the boyfriend disqualification that lingua and Mr Rob mentioned. It's such an easy thing to do with big rewards, but I'm not doing it. Minor facepalm I'm going to do that from now on.

It's useful to have some stock responses to that situation, as obviously it's a major test you have to pass. Best case scenario, she comes with you, worst case, you sail through the test looking cool and unfazed, rather than meekly unravelling

Thanks once again!