Date logistics so she's not following you in her car back to your place

[The Byronic Man]

I've been trying to figure out how to smoothly get her back home to my place. We'd always meet somewhere close to my place (but none within walking distance, so driving is always required). I've read some instances where you have her pick you up. From a public venue or from home? I imagine the latter is a bit creepy if you haven't established much trust/rapport with her yet.

Right now, we both drive somewhere to meet. So it requires her to follow me back home in her car. Which can cause second thoughts because I'm not in the car with her to disengage her doubts. And I don't think she would be cool leaving her car in a parking lot overnight. So what's the solution?

EDIT: I'm meeting these girls online, so haven't had the the chance to establish enough trust to share home addresses.

 

[Thedoctor]

Byronic Man,

There's a few options assuming, of course, there's nothing within walking distance like you said. Here's some suggestions:

Have her pick you up (I have done this and it does sometimes get some funny responses, but they still say yes. I always just say something like "Hey, if I'm not a gentleman, I guess I'm walking home " ) The other thing that's nice about it is that if she decides to flake, no biggie! You're already home so just find another date.

You pick her up. Pretty self-explanatory and generally accepted even if it's the first date.

Meet somewhere and then when both of you have had a few drinks, tell her the two of you are going to be responsible and share a cab. Honestly, there's so many checkstops these days that it's just a good idea regardless.

Best of luck

-Doc

 

[The Byronic Man]

Doc,

I forgot to mention I'm meeting these girls online. Since they haven't met me in person, and there's a lot of unknowns with meeting strangers from the internet, it's understandable to not meet me at my place...or to share one's home address. It's difficult to establish enough trust over the internet/texts. If I met her person first, then I can see this working since you've already established enough trust.

P.S. For the record, I actually did once meet a girl online and had her meet me at my place, but I think I was just really lucky. Because we chatted a LOT via messages/texts beforehand, so established a lot of trust. I also had another girl tell me it's uncomfortable to meet someone at their house first because she doesn't know if he's a serial killer (awkward and funny when she said this because it was such a trust killer, but we still ended up having a fun date lol).

 

[Richard]

Doc nailed it!

With all your thoughts on the matter, with all the potential problems you mentioned, I'll offer a few words.

In your situation it would be best for her to pick you up because you're giving her some control of her safety, which is much needed when meeting online. Some guys use the car to their advantage, basically the guy is in control of her safety, he can resist her directions, basically forces her to listen to the guy who is driving if she wants to make it home safe, or tuck and roll out of the passenger door lol.

Then, if she picks you up, you can easily persuade her to drop you off at your place, and from there, it'd be relatively easy to get her into your place because she's already there. So, if you can, get her to pick you up and go from there. In your situation that would be best case scenario...

As a side note, this may sting a little but it's necessary. Drop online dating and meet women face to face, it's so much easier when you get the hang of it, and it prevents a lot of the problems that online dating brings with it!

-Richard

 

[The Byronic Man]

Thanks, Richard.

I'm really super busy these days, so offline will do for now. Once I'm done studying, that will change. In all likelihood though, I'll probably continue with online game since it doesn't take much time. I spent 30 minutes last night, and am talking with 6 girls right now. I acknowledge the pros and cons.

So my next question: If she asks why she needs to pick me up, what's a good response? It just seems like an odd request. I'd love to understand how to pull this off smoothly. Thanks once again!

 

[Richard]

My response after she asks why, would be "why not?" Throw the ball back in her court, see what her issues are with it, and neutralize them after you find out what they are.

 

[Thedoctor]

Byronic,

To be honest, I have had one girl I met online come and pick me up and I've picked some of them up to. I kind of agree with Zphix in that "real life" is better than "online". Just make sure to do both whenever you do have the time. But yeah, if she's uncomfortable with it, I'm sure she'll let you know and you can make different arrangements. Just try the "If I'm not a gentleman, I guess I'll be walking home " line I recommended. Works like a charm for me.

-Doc

 

[The Byronic Man]

I texted one girl (from online) to pick me up at my place. She suggested meeting at the bar instead. Ouch. I interpreted that as her not being comfortable enough (and understandably because I'm a stranger from the Internet). We meet at the bar and I was still able to recover (probably because she was high energy).

With this other girl just now (also from online), I texted to pick me up at my condo gate because I thought it would be less threatening. She asked if she could just meet me at the bar. Ouch again. Didn't want to push it with the "gentleman" line because it just seems too pushy and not considerate of her comfort. Luckily, I gave myself an out by earlier saying to meet me at the corner because the bar is tricky to find. Do you still think I did not make the right call?

So both times fail...the second one was even less threatening. I feel like making this suggestion usually leads to her rejecting the idea, which overall hurts my chances. I'm thinking that with online, you have to be lucky to get her to pick you up at your place. So expect to meet at a public venue where she'll be comfortable meeting someone from the internet. Unfortunately, I don't know how to logistically get her back to my place on Date 1. I guess the goal then is to get her wanting Date 2 and be comfortable enough to meet at my place.

 

[LucidityComeBackToMe]

I texted one girl (from online) to pick me up at my place. She suggested meeting at the bar instead. Ouch. I interpreted that as her not being comfortable enough (and understandably because I'm a stranger from the Internet). We meet at the bar and I was still able to recover (probably because she was high energy).

With this other girl just now (also from online), I texted to pick me up at my condo gate because I thought it would be less threatening. She asked if she could just meet me at the bar. Ouch again. Didn't want to push it with the "gentleman" line because it just seems too pushy and not considerate of her comfort. Luckily, I gave myself an out by earlier saying to meet me at the corner because the bar is tricky to find. Do you still think I did not make the right call?

So both times fail...the second one was even less threatening. I feel like making this suggestion usually leads to her rejecting the idea, which overall hurts my chances. I'm thinking that with online, you have to be lucky to get her to pick you up at your place. So expect to meet at a public venue where she'll be comfortable meeting someone from the internet. Unfortunately, I don't know how to logistically get her back to my place on Date 1. I guess the goal then is to get her wanting Date 2 and be comfortable enough to meet at my place.

This very dilemma represents one of the disadvantages of online dating. From the get-go (when you first correspond via private message online) when making dates online, the assumption between both parties is that the other has a mode of transportation to get to the date. I do not think I have ever had a girl ask "I don't have a car can you pick me up at my home when we meet?" The focus is on deciding on when and where to meet for the first date. It is always assumed that the other will have a way of getting there. As it turns out the far majority of girls drive themselves to the date and I usually end up walking them to their car at the end of the date. Other times we have parted ways just outside of the restaurant (usually the dates that really felt platonic). If you date a girl that lives in a big city, it may be possible that they do not even own a car and mostly take public transportation and/or walk.

In the case of the latter, I have actually been able to have girls comfortable enough to get inside my car during the 1st date. The girl may walk and/or take public transportation to arrive at the date, but after its conclusion may decide they feel "safe" around you. So you go from being an unknown guy she is meeting online (prior to first date) to either being creepy, chill, and/or normal (after the conclusion of the date). I myself typically give off that nice guy/shy/quirky vibe so women will feel "safe" around me although not necessarily "wet." I need to be coming across as chill, confident, and smooth to have them feel this way. If you happen to come across a situation like this where the girl walks/uses public transportation to meet you, you can use you car to your advantage if she feels comfortable enough to get inside. Of course it is also quite possible that she is just using you for the ride (more convenient than having to wait for the bus/train), but in any case she needs to feel comfortable around you to enter your vehicle.

On second dates I have had a girl pick me up at the hotel I was staying at. In retrospect I actually wish I just got a rental and picked her up myself. She was one of the worst drivers ever and scared the crap out of me! With another girl, she was just comfortable enough with me to invite me over to her house. By the second date with online dating, the girl is usually comfortable enough with you. The strange feeling of meeting some guy online is slowly fading away and you can apply you PUA skills to close the deal. If you fail to get a girl to come home with you during date 1 (online), close the deal on date 2 since she will be mostly open to either picking you up, having you pick her up, going to her place, and/or going to your place.

 

[Franco]

Byronic,

If you're only meeting girls online, then you'll definitely want to suggest meeting at a location. It is extremely rare that a girl will be willing to meet with you in a private location without meeting you in person first, for obvious reasons (primarily safety).

Also, the girl doesn't have to follow you back in her car... as a matter of fact, I've almost never had a girl do this. Instead, just make sure the date is somewhere that is within 5 minutes of your location and then invite her to come back with you. When you invite her to come back with you, you do so under the assumption that she isn't staying the night (and she shouldn't get that assumption either). Whether she sleeps with you or not, you can always just drop her back off at the parking lot at any time. If you end up sleeping together, then, assuming your circumstances allow for it and she's okay with it, you can invite her to stay the night.

Even if the girl declines to come in your car, she might still be okay with following you back to your place and then just suggest it herself. This is fine since your goal should be to get her back there by any comfortable means necessary. But the first suggestion should always be to have her come back to your place in your car with you. Just make sure you mention that your place is only a few blocks away when you invite her home so that she knows she isn't going to be committing to being stuck in some long car ride to get there.

Hope this helps!

- Franco

 

[The Byronic Man]

Thanks, Franco. That makes a lot of sense.

I've been trying to find a venue where she knows her car can be parked overnight. I guess this is one of those things where it is what it is. If she's worried about her car getting towed (totally understandable), I'll just have her follow me home in her car. Good idea on making sure the venue is just minutes from home.

I've decided to stop worrying so much about bedding her on date 1. If it happens, it's a bonus. My date 1 goal then for online girls is to make her comfortable enough to either follow me home that night or to have a date 2 at my home. Both are those are achieved by focusing on comfort, kino, and chase frames.

 

[Anonymous]

I am having the exact same logistical problem. My online date is 90% DTF and we are meeting at a location that is within 5-10 minutes of driving distance.

I am confident that I will get her back to my place and fuck her tomorrow night from all the content of our correspondence.

I wanted to add to the above posts and say whether it would be too forthright to perhaps maybe get a cab to the venue, and then have her drive me back to my place with her car. The same problem I see if she drives back in her car instead of mine (or if we are not together) is that the attraction will die. Remember attraction always has an expiration date. Though I am confident in my abilities if there's anything I can control logistically then why leave certain things to chance.

What are your thoughts on taking a cab to the venue and then having her drive back me back to mine? Please get back to me soon. Cheers. John.