- Joined
- Mar 14, 2013
- Messages
- 172
Hey guys,
I have a recurring problem where even though I almost always open direct, my interactions end up feeling platonic. Here's an example:
Met this girl Thursday night while driving to my friend's place. She was running on the sidewalk, so I pulled over and scheduled a date. Flawless, and I didn't even have to exit the car.
Unfortunately, logistics were awful. I picked a Starbucks that's 2 blocks from my house, but on this Sunday afternoon my whole family was home and planned dinner together. I really can't know ahead of time when my family will be gone, though, so I have no choice but to guess (finally found an apartment in San Francisco, so I'll be moving out soon).
Texted her soon after:
me: Hey Elizabeth, this is E... save my number and see you Sunday. -E
her: Hey sounds good
-next day-
me: You text came in at 1234 last night - is that when you got home? Hope you didn't run all the way to Santa Cruz again!
her: Yeah i went on a longer run haha no only 20 miles i prob wont run to santa cruz for a while.
me: Only 20 miles, sounds like child's play.
her: Yeah
-Sunday-
me 12:53: Hey Elizabeth, we still on for 5? First one there can grab a seat.
her 1507: Sure i might be a little late cause i ended up having to work today
me 1515: Sounds good.
her 1648: Hey there's a starbucks on california ave that im near. Want to meet there instead?
me 1650: Sure see you there. (Why not, we're not going back to my place anyways)
I made sure to be late since she said she would be, and she was waiting for me when I arrived. Came up behind her, light touch on the shoulder, "Have you been waiting long?" We went inside and ordered, chatting meanwhile, then she asked if I wanted to sit inside or outside. I replied, "Outside for sure. And I know you're an outside type of girl." We sat next to each other at a square table. She agreed that ouside was so much better and she wouldn't like to stay indoors, so I teased her about giving me the choice even though she hated one of the options. Then I pretended to change my mind, saying that on second thought we should sit inside, and she said no, so I laughed that it's not ok for her to give me the option then take it away. She said she would've sat inside if I had made that choice earlier, but now it's too late.
Not it was time for real talk. I had deep dived a bit as we entered the shop to order, and now resumed that thread. This girl was CHATTY. When I first met her on Thursday she seemed a bit weird, and now it was confirmed - definitely not socially calibrated. She spends all her free time running, like whole days at a time, and she knows how to chat up a stranger, but doesn't make any real friends. Is alone much of the time and doesn't understand how eccentric she comes off. She's a nice person, just air-headed and a little off, like she simply doesn't get it. Anyways, she talked about herself the whole time, sometimes saying things that were a bit quirky. I listened, though, and gave no indication that she was anything but normal. She did ask a few questions about me, but for the most part just talked and talked. I barely even had to ask questions. The heaviness/pace of the conversation was good, alternating between her sharing with me and light banter. Excellent eye contact, and touched her leg a few times, but the interaction still felt platonic, which is something I'm struggling with. How do I create more tension?
I screened for her logistics early on - her place wasn't an option, so I went to my last resort. When she finished her drink I asked if she'd ever been to the trail I like to walk where I usually pick up girls. She said yes, so I said we should go there and watch the view from a hill. She was hesitant, but I got a yes and a smile in the end. Of course the whole drive there she's jabbering on.
We climbed this hill, which is off the trail and off limits. She asked if it was allowed, and I said that it wasn't, but it'll be ok. "I climb it all the time and take full responsibility. Besides, we can't always follow the rules." At the top I sat down in the shade, but she wanted the sun so she stayed standing father away from me than I would've liked.
me: Are you enjoying the view?
her: Yeah
me: Are you glad we climbed up here then?
her: Yeah
me: Do you want to sit down?
She sat down, but she was still too far from me. I took the opportunity to scoot near her when pointing something out in the distance. I kept waiting for a good moment to kiss her when we'd be staring at each other in silence, but it didn't come. She would only make eye contact while speaking, then would be content to look at the view.
After maybe 10 minutes on the hill she said that she should probably get going, so I lifted up her chin and went for it.
her: No.
me: Why not?
her: Because I barely know you.
me: So?
her: So I'm leaving in two weeks [to Kansas for school] and I don't want to kiss you.
I did my thing, maintaining eye contact with a little smile.
her: And puppy eyes won't work on me.
me: Really?
her: I'm immune to them.
I leaned back and she returned to looking at the view even though I continued staring at her. Then she said she should get going and rose.
her: Are you going to stay here?
me: I'm coming. My reason for being here is gone.
She laughed and we walked back down. I was less engaged now as I'd lost some of my interest in deep diving her, but she continued to talk. Near my car she gave me a hug then said she'd be happy to meet up again. She's "usually busy during the week, but maybe next weekend." And she'd be glad to have coffee again any time. I said, "Yeah. Bye, Elizabeth," with a smile and drove off.
Probably should've persisted more, but it didn't feel right. The tension just wasn't there. I think I'll get my family out of the house one day next weekend and invite her over to cook a meal. If she won't meet me at my place then I'm not interested.
So, what do you guys think? Why do my interactions feel so platonic?
I have a recurring problem where even though I almost always open direct, my interactions end up feeling platonic. Here's an example:
Met this girl Thursday night while driving to my friend's place. She was running on the sidewalk, so I pulled over and scheduled a date. Flawless, and I didn't even have to exit the car.
Unfortunately, logistics were awful. I picked a Starbucks that's 2 blocks from my house, but on this Sunday afternoon my whole family was home and planned dinner together. I really can't know ahead of time when my family will be gone, though, so I have no choice but to guess (finally found an apartment in San Francisco, so I'll be moving out soon).
Texted her soon after:
me: Hey Elizabeth, this is E... save my number and see you Sunday. -E
her: Hey sounds good
-next day-
me: You text came in at 1234 last night - is that when you got home? Hope you didn't run all the way to Santa Cruz again!
her: Yeah i went on a longer run haha no only 20 miles i prob wont run to santa cruz for a while.
me: Only 20 miles, sounds like child's play.
her: Yeah
-Sunday-
me 12:53: Hey Elizabeth, we still on for 5? First one there can grab a seat.
her 1507: Sure i might be a little late cause i ended up having to work today
me 1515: Sounds good.
her 1648: Hey there's a starbucks on california ave that im near. Want to meet there instead?
me 1650: Sure see you there. (Why not, we're not going back to my place anyways)
I made sure to be late since she said she would be, and she was waiting for me when I arrived. Came up behind her, light touch on the shoulder, "Have you been waiting long?" We went inside and ordered, chatting meanwhile, then she asked if I wanted to sit inside or outside. I replied, "Outside for sure. And I know you're an outside type of girl." We sat next to each other at a square table. She agreed that ouside was so much better and she wouldn't like to stay indoors, so I teased her about giving me the choice even though she hated one of the options. Then I pretended to change my mind, saying that on second thought we should sit inside, and she said no, so I laughed that it's not ok for her to give me the option then take it away. She said she would've sat inside if I had made that choice earlier, but now it's too late.
Not it was time for real talk. I had deep dived a bit as we entered the shop to order, and now resumed that thread. This girl was CHATTY. When I first met her on Thursday she seemed a bit weird, and now it was confirmed - definitely not socially calibrated. She spends all her free time running, like whole days at a time, and she knows how to chat up a stranger, but doesn't make any real friends. Is alone much of the time and doesn't understand how eccentric she comes off. She's a nice person, just air-headed and a little off, like she simply doesn't get it. Anyways, she talked about herself the whole time, sometimes saying things that were a bit quirky. I listened, though, and gave no indication that she was anything but normal. She did ask a few questions about me, but for the most part just talked and talked. I barely even had to ask questions. The heaviness/pace of the conversation was good, alternating between her sharing with me and light banter. Excellent eye contact, and touched her leg a few times, but the interaction still felt platonic, which is something I'm struggling with. How do I create more tension?
I screened for her logistics early on - her place wasn't an option, so I went to my last resort. When she finished her drink I asked if she'd ever been to the trail I like to walk where I usually pick up girls. She said yes, so I said we should go there and watch the view from a hill. She was hesitant, but I got a yes and a smile in the end. Of course the whole drive there she's jabbering on.
We climbed this hill, which is off the trail and off limits. She asked if it was allowed, and I said that it wasn't, but it'll be ok. "I climb it all the time and take full responsibility. Besides, we can't always follow the rules." At the top I sat down in the shade, but she wanted the sun so she stayed standing father away from me than I would've liked.
me: Are you enjoying the view?
her: Yeah
me: Are you glad we climbed up here then?
her: Yeah
me: Do you want to sit down?
She sat down, but she was still too far from me. I took the opportunity to scoot near her when pointing something out in the distance. I kept waiting for a good moment to kiss her when we'd be staring at each other in silence, but it didn't come. She would only make eye contact while speaking, then would be content to look at the view.
After maybe 10 minutes on the hill she said that she should probably get going, so I lifted up her chin and went for it.
her: No.
me: Why not?
her: Because I barely know you.
me: So?
her: So I'm leaving in two weeks [to Kansas for school] and I don't want to kiss you.
I did my thing, maintaining eye contact with a little smile.
her: And puppy eyes won't work on me.
me: Really?
her: I'm immune to them.
I leaned back and she returned to looking at the view even though I continued staring at her. Then she said she should get going and rose.
her: Are you going to stay here?
me: I'm coming. My reason for being here is gone.
She laughed and we walked back down. I was less engaged now as I'd lost some of my interest in deep diving her, but she continued to talk. Near my car she gave me a hug then said she'd be happy to meet up again. She's "usually busy during the week, but maybe next weekend." And she'd be glad to have coffee again any time. I said, "Yeah. Bye, Elizabeth," with a smile and drove off.
Probably should've persisted more, but it didn't feel right. The tension just wasn't there. I think I'll get my family out of the house one day next weekend and invite her over to cook a meal. If she won't meet me at my place then I'm not interested.
So, what do you guys think? Why do my interactions feel so platonic?
