- Joined
- Dec 20, 2018
- Messages
- 497
Hey GC board,
Below is the story of an interaction I just with a woman I met social dancing (converted from my journal), after I get her number all the way to the date. As you'll see, she was skeptical from the beginning but for some reason I still believed it had potential. Looking for feedback on how this went, and its most appreciated. I love this community and I am looking forward to giving back to the other members.
After I met this woman at a multi-day NYE dancing festival/party, I decide to text the next day and try to schedule a date this week before my work travel schedule takes off in January
She responded immediately. Below is the exchange:
At this point, I text her some pictures I found of us taking one of the workshops together, followed by the ‘look’ emoji with the two eyes.
At this point I pause for a short while (1-2 hours), knowing that the above exchange was a good ‘icebreaker’ and the next time I open I have to ‘go in for the kill’ and ask for the date. I do so the following way:
She responds about 4 hours later. Her reply was the following:
Then she responds with the following essay:
My response.
At this point I was mildly pleased at navigating those shit tests, but knew I problably had my work cut out for me to get to any point with this one. It’s clear from the texts she is at least curious about me, enough to go on the date, but highly skeptical as well. I knew I would have be on TOP of my game to achieve anything here.
Honestly: I believe her concerns are totally valid. No woman wants to go on a date with a dude that will end up being weird, stalkerish, abusive, and then have to see them again in venues she frequents. I knew it was my job NOT to be that guy and to try to convey that in any way possible.
Tonight I go to the date. The restaurant she picked was upscale, and about a 25-30 min drive from my apartment. I decide to drive rather than take public transit to make things logistically easier just in case I’m able to change venues to her place or mine.
One thing I will also note is that I am recently thinking of changing my approach – up till now I had been focusing on simply trying to escalate physically with a kiss close at every date and it has gotten me nowhere with most women (some exceptions as always). Instead of going for the kiss, I decided that starting with this date and others going forward I would instead propose a venue change to her place or mine and then once this occurs escalate physically at a time of my choosing. This was the first date I attempted this consciously, at least for a long time (the last time was definitely before my 4 year LTR).
I walk in and she is already there waiting for me. Conversation flows naturally. Even though I have gone on a lot of dates, I am in my 30’s and have already hooked up with a fair amount of women, I still get a bit nervous when I am having dinner with a woman I am highly attracted to and sometimes that leads to mental distraction. Some jokes she made I didn’t laugh at, not because they weren’t funny, but rather because I was mentally distracted and not present in the moment.
Crucial moments in the convo were: me probing for logistics (where she lives, roomates, etc, and also that she took uber to the restaurant and would need a ride back), and also finding out she is an occasional cannabis user (I am too, infrequently). Turns out she lives on the way back home so I took that mentally as an option to try to invite myself back to her pace.
At the end of the dinner and when I knew we were more or less finished, I said the following:
Now, here is where I problably screw up. Instead of simply leading and saying “you’ll find out”, I answer matter of fact, and it leads to SOMETHING like this exchange (can’t remember exact dialogue):
We walk out of the restaurant after paying, to put my leftovers in the car. By the time we get to my car she is freezing from the cold, it’s easy to convince her to just get in, and let me drive (isn’t it amazing how environment changes people’s minds so easily?)
Initially she agrees to go back to her place, and gives me an address close to her (NOT EXACTLY the one she lives, because she “doesn’t know me”). However, as we are arriving I do a TERRIBLE parallel park job (fuck, this never happens except this time it did lol) and I’m mentally distracted again, conversation dies off a bit, and she changes her mind and leads me to a bar RIGHT next to where she lives.
Oh well. I follow her in, and we get a round, and I pay. At this bar, something on the wall ends up leading our conversation deep into unsexy topics like geopolitics, in which I give my honest opinion on a number of issues. At this point, I knew chances of sex were slim, didn’t care and allowed her to see that side of me. Then it switched back to dancing (with me transitioning: I would rather be dancing with cute bachateras like you than worrying about this stuff), and she gets up close and shows me some videos on her phone. At one point I attempt to tease her:
I don’t get another round, we agree to call it a night, I go to the bathroom (she waits), then I walk her the final 10 meters to her apartment.
And that’s a wrap. I drive home contemplating what happened. I believe I did a lot of things right but many things wrong. I believe just need to get better at handling objections and staying focused, and not letting temporary setbacks distract me. This one may be a lost cause at this point since I failed to close to deal, and with so many other women out there I will problably put this one on the back burner. I will likely send a ‘thank you’ text tomorrow afternoon/evening just to keep a friendly interaction, and will certainly wait a few weeks before I even think about attempting anything with this one again.
Below is the story of an interaction I just with a woman I met social dancing (converted from my journal), after I get her number all the way to the date. As you'll see, she was skeptical from the beginning but for some reason I still believed it had potential. Looking for feedback on how this went, and its most appreciated. I love this community and I am looking forward to giving back to the other members.
After I met this woman at a multi-day NYE dancing festival/party, I decide to text the next day and try to schedule a date this week before my work travel schedule takes off in January
She responded immediately. Below is the exchange:
Científico: Hey Persian Princess (PP),
Great dancing with you!! That was a successful end to 2018 don’t you think? How are your feet feeling today?
PP: Hiii. I agreeee. What an epic night. This entire weekend feels like a dream to me. I’m still in bed. Lol everything hurts. That means success. How about you?
Científico: A bit of a slow start today for sure.
At this point, I text her some pictures I found of us taking one of the workshops together, followed by the ‘look’ emoji with the two eyes.
At this point I pause for a short while (1-2 hours), knowing that the above exchange was a good ‘icebreaker’ and the next time I open I have to ‘go in for the kill’ and ask for the date. I do so the following way:
She responds about 4 hours later. Her reply was the following:
Note: I am vegan and I threw this in as extra info to change the subject a bit but also to ‘assume the sale’.PP: Hi sorry for the delay. I think I got sick and slept all day. Still not feeling ok.
PP: I’d love to have some food with you however…quick question…is this a date?
Científico: Haha. Good question.
Científico: It might be if you play your cards right
Científico: Also: we are going to a place with good vegan options
Then she responds with the following essay:
.
My response.
Científico: Oh deary me aren’t you good at making this complicated
Científico: I am incapable of resentment and completely drama-free, ESPECIALLY with other dancers, for precisely the reasons you outlined.
Científico: I’ll be doing a happy hour for German speakers on Sat and would love to meet up with you after, if you are available. (Unless you also want to Deutsch sprechen!)
Científico: Can do tomorrow as well
PP: lol I don’t speak German
Científico: Never too late to start learning a new language
PP: Haha, I’m still struggling with EngRish. Tomorrow works for me
PP: You like Ethiopian?
Científico: I sure do, and it’s been a while. Sounds like you have a place in mind?
PP: Ethiopian food is one of my faves. Yes there’s one on XYZ Street called ABC.
Científico: Looks great! Shall we say 7 pm?
PP: Works for me
At this point I was mildly pleased at navigating those shit tests, but knew I problably had my work cut out for me to get to any point with this one. It’s clear from the texts she is at least curious about me, enough to go on the date, but highly skeptical as well. I knew I would have be on TOP of my game to achieve anything here.
Honestly: I believe her concerns are totally valid. No woman wants to go on a date with a dude that will end up being weird, stalkerish, abusive, and then have to see them again in venues she frequents. I knew it was my job NOT to be that guy and to try to convey that in any way possible.
Tonight I go to the date. The restaurant she picked was upscale, and about a 25-30 min drive from my apartment. I decide to drive rather than take public transit to make things logistically easier just in case I’m able to change venues to her place or mine.
One thing I will also note is that I am recently thinking of changing my approach – up till now I had been focusing on simply trying to escalate physically with a kiss close at every date and it has gotten me nowhere with most women (some exceptions as always). Instead of going for the kiss, I decided that starting with this date and others going forward I would instead propose a venue change to her place or mine and then once this occurs escalate physically at a time of my choosing. This was the first date I attempted this consciously, at least for a long time (the last time was definitely before my 4 year LTR).
I walk in and she is already there waiting for me. Conversation flows naturally. Even though I have gone on a lot of dates, I am in my 30’s and have already hooked up with a fair amount of women, I still get a bit nervous when I am having dinner with a woman I am highly attracted to and sometimes that leads to mental distraction. Some jokes she made I didn’t laugh at, not because they weren’t funny, but rather because I was mentally distracted and not present in the moment.
Crucial moments in the convo were: me probing for logistics (where she lives, roomates, etc, and also that she took uber to the restaurant and would need a ride back), and also finding out she is an occasional cannabis user (I am too, infrequently). Turns out she lives on the way back home so I took that mentally as an option to try to invite myself back to her pace.
At the end of the dinner and when I knew we were more or less finished, I said the following:
Now, here is where I problably screw up. Instead of simply leading and saying “you’ll find out”, I answer matter of fact, and it leads to SOMETHING like this exchange (can’t remember exact dialogue):
We walk out of the restaurant after paying, to put my leftovers in the car. By the time we get to my car she is freezing from the cold, it’s easy to convince her to just get in, and let me drive (isn’t it amazing how environment changes people’s minds so easily?)
Initially she agrees to go back to her place, and gives me an address close to her (NOT EXACTLY the one she lives, because she “doesn’t know me”). However, as we are arriving I do a TERRIBLE parallel park job (fuck, this never happens except this time it did lol) and I’m mentally distracted again, conversation dies off a bit, and she changes her mind and leads me to a bar RIGHT next to where she lives.
Oh well. I follow her in, and we get a round, and I pay. At this bar, something on the wall ends up leading our conversation deep into unsexy topics like geopolitics, in which I give my honest opinion on a number of issues. At this point, I knew chances of sex were slim, didn’t care and allowed her to see that side of me. Then it switched back to dancing (with me transitioning: I would rather be dancing with cute bachateras like you than worrying about this stuff), and she gets up close and shows me some videos on her phone. At one point I attempt to tease her:
I don’t get another round, we agree to call it a night, I go to the bathroom (she waits), then I walk her the final 10 meters to her apartment.
And that’s a wrap. I drive home contemplating what happened. I believe I did a lot of things right but many things wrong. I believe just need to get better at handling objections and staying focused, and not letting temporary setbacks distract me. This one may be a lost cause at this point since I failed to close to deal, and with so many other women out there I will problably put this one on the back burner. I will likely send a ‘thank you’ text tomorrow afternoon/evening just to keep a friendly interaction, and will certainly wait a few weeks before I even think about attempting anything with this one again.
