Wow. Just wow.
Today was one of the most unusual days I've ever had. I'm still trying to process it all.
For those who don't know, I have Asperger's Syndrome. But most people don't ever suspect until they get to really know me. Anyway, ever since I was recently diagnosed, I've been really proactive about being social and pushing my comfort zones.
Today, I went to check out a group for adults with Asperger's. I wanted to meet my first known aspie, and see how other aspies were doing my age. The group was led by a neurotypical (a.k.a. normal) occupational therapist, and one other aspie showed up. He actually had great social skills, and we talked about how people don't ever suspect, and how we developed our skills. Very cool stuff.
Later that night, I had a date planned with some girl I met online. Namely, this one. I get a text from her asking me to pick her up so she can drink. I thought it was unusual for a woman to be comfortable revealing her home address to a guy she's never met, so I thought she was horny and wanted to just get laid. I capitalized on the opportunity, and drove to pick her up. I do get there early to scope the area out for logistical contigencies, and then I get a text from her asking me to text her when I get there because her housemates are all asleep. Great, if I were to have sex with her, we'll need to be quiet. I wasn't too worried though because I prepared to have sex in the car if it comes down to it.
I get to her place and text her. This is when the weirdness starts.
When she opens the door, she's already really shy. Like unbearably shy. And has poor eye contact. WTF??? I ask to use her bathroom (to gauge her reaction) and lets me in. I give her a hug, but she's frigid. WTF???
After I leave her bathroom, I guide her to my car with my hand on the small of her back (thanks to Franco for his kino guidelines). I tell her we're going to another bar that's closer because by the time we ge to the originally planned bar, it will be closing soon. When we're both in the car, I take another look at her. Still really shy...eye contact downward...submissive body language. WTF is up her??? She makes a comment about how "smart" my car is, and I explain that my car knows it's me when my key is nearby. I figure she's intimidated by me, so I try to be as warm and friendly with her. Things are just not going well because she is not warming up. Ugh.
We get to the bar and order our beers. She tells me about how her hand was scratched at work. I grab her hand to take a look (the other kind of kind Franco advocates before sex). She starts to open up...and then she starts telling me how she has...Asperger's Syndrome. This explains everything! She is a typical case of AS...I'm the atypical case of AS. I always thought it would be cool to date another aspie, so I lit up like a Christmas tree. Perhaps this was a mistake, but I tell her I have Asperger's. I realize that probably came off insincere, especially since I am so radically different from her. She questions my symptoms, how I know I have it, etc. I explain, but when I try to deep dive her on her job, things get really awkward. In fact, the whole interaction was awkward. It was so difficult to have a conversation with her because she talked so little. Here I was, thinking that meeting another aspie would make for a great connection, but the OPPOSITE was true. I just could not get her talking much, so I ended up doing most of the talking. Employing pregnant pauses didn't work, and whatever I asked her, she gave really short answers. WTF?!?!
Maybe I'm not conversationally skilled enough. I don't know...never had this kind of difficulty with any other woman. Eventually, I realized I need to escalate or things will spiral out of control so I tried to create a high point so I can pull her back to her place. She says her landlord who lives in the same house doesn't allow male visitors after 11pm...because he is super Christian (LOLWUT). I then suggest going back to my place, but she says she needs to wake up at 5am (it was midnight at this point). After some more persisting, she tells me I'm not her type. Ouch! Getting rejected by another aspie! The last girl wanted to jump my bones, and now an aspie is rejecting me. But I wasn't surprised since she not only couldn't relate to me, we also had many conflicting values (I'll take the blame for this...just wasn't prepared on how to relate to an aspie with SEVERE Asperger's, and I couldn't figure out how to get her talking so I ended up talking so damn much, which only revealed things that conflicted with her values). I'm not sure whether the root problem that she lost attraction for me or if she auto-rejected (because of how much stronger my fundamentals are, and she was totally into me online, and how she was immediately super shy the moment we met in real life). What do you guys think?
Anyway, I cut the date short and bring her back home. I wanted to see how far I can go, so I ask if she would get in trouble if I used her bathroom. She said it's fine, and then noted how I always want to pee. "No, dork, that's my excuse to get inside the house with you," I thought to myself. After I took a leak in her bathroom, I asked if we could chat for a few minutes in her room. She said it's okay. So much for her Christian landlord story!
Wow, her room is a MESS. I couldn't help but ask if I could help clean up (I stopped giving a fuck at this point). Her room was also as bright as the sun. I was so out of my element, instead of making a beeline to sit with her on her bed, I asked where I could sit, and she pointed to her hamper. Only now, do I realize what a dumb move of me that was. I need to automatize myself to sit with her on her bed, regardless of how odd the situation. Anyway, I shoot the shit with her for a while because it's also interesting to see how another aspie lives. It's incredible how 2 aspies of the same age range can be so radically different. I have my own place, my own car, and a good steady 40-hour job. She's renting with 3 other housemates, has a really small room that is really messy, and cannot keep a job for more than a few months (the typical aspie is not flexible, and along with a host of other issues, makes keeping a job difficult), and works 70 hours a week. If this is auto-rejection, I can understand why. But I'm really sympathetic of this girl because I was in her shoes, mentally and physically, a while back.
I finally leave and hug her goodbye. When I get to my car, I just sit there in the dark thinking about how fucked up all of this was. What a trip.
As I write this FR, I wonder if I could have escalated to sex anyway if I had been smoother in her bedroom. But I also was really unsure since she had severe Asperger's and I didn't want to take advantage of her.
Going to bed now...so I'm rested for tomorrow's date. I've got yet another date in the middle of the upcoming week as well. I think after that, I'm going to quit serial dating and refocus all my time and energy on pumping up my social value. The occasional date is manageable, but having multiple dates a week is destroying my schedule. I need to get to a point in my life where I can maintain having multiple dates a week. But at least I now know it's something I can revisit later.
Today was one of the most unusual days I've ever had. I'm still trying to process it all.
For those who don't know, I have Asperger's Syndrome. But most people don't ever suspect until they get to really know me. Anyway, ever since I was recently diagnosed, I've been really proactive about being social and pushing my comfort zones.
Today, I went to check out a group for adults with Asperger's. I wanted to meet my first known aspie, and see how other aspies were doing my age. The group was led by a neurotypical (a.k.a. normal) occupational therapist, and one other aspie showed up. He actually had great social skills, and we talked about how people don't ever suspect, and how we developed our skills. Very cool stuff.
Later that night, I had a date planned with some girl I met online. Namely, this one. I get a text from her asking me to pick her up so she can drink. I thought it was unusual for a woman to be comfortable revealing her home address to a guy she's never met, so I thought she was horny and wanted to just get laid. I capitalized on the opportunity, and drove to pick her up. I do get there early to scope the area out for logistical contigencies, and then I get a text from her asking me to text her when I get there because her housemates are all asleep. Great, if I were to have sex with her, we'll need to be quiet. I wasn't too worried though because I prepared to have sex in the car if it comes down to it.
I get to her place and text her. This is when the weirdness starts.
When she opens the door, she's already really shy. Like unbearably shy. And has poor eye contact. WTF??? I ask to use her bathroom (to gauge her reaction) and lets me in. I give her a hug, but she's frigid. WTF???
After I leave her bathroom, I guide her to my car with my hand on the small of her back (thanks to Franco for his kino guidelines). I tell her we're going to another bar that's closer because by the time we ge to the originally planned bar, it will be closing soon. When we're both in the car, I take another look at her. Still really shy...eye contact downward...submissive body language. WTF is up her??? She makes a comment about how "smart" my car is, and I explain that my car knows it's me when my key is nearby. I figure she's intimidated by me, so I try to be as warm and friendly with her. Things are just not going well because she is not warming up. Ugh.
We get to the bar and order our beers. She tells me about how her hand was scratched at work. I grab her hand to take a look (the other kind of kind Franco advocates before sex). She starts to open up...and then she starts telling me how she has...Asperger's Syndrome. This explains everything! She is a typical case of AS...I'm the atypical case of AS. I always thought it would be cool to date another aspie, so I lit up like a Christmas tree. Perhaps this was a mistake, but I tell her I have Asperger's. I realize that probably came off insincere, especially since I am so radically different from her. She questions my symptoms, how I know I have it, etc. I explain, but when I try to deep dive her on her job, things get really awkward. In fact, the whole interaction was awkward. It was so difficult to have a conversation with her because she talked so little. Here I was, thinking that meeting another aspie would make for a great connection, but the OPPOSITE was true. I just could not get her talking much, so I ended up doing most of the talking. Employing pregnant pauses didn't work, and whatever I asked her, she gave really short answers. WTF?!?!
Maybe I'm not conversationally skilled enough. I don't know...never had this kind of difficulty with any other woman. Eventually, I realized I need to escalate or things will spiral out of control so I tried to create a high point so I can pull her back to her place. She says her landlord who lives in the same house doesn't allow male visitors after 11pm...because he is super Christian (LOLWUT). I then suggest going back to my place, but she says she needs to wake up at 5am (it was midnight at this point). After some more persisting, she tells me I'm not her type. Ouch! Getting rejected by another aspie! The last girl wanted to jump my bones, and now an aspie is rejecting me. But I wasn't surprised since she not only couldn't relate to me, we also had many conflicting values (I'll take the blame for this...just wasn't prepared on how to relate to an aspie with SEVERE Asperger's, and I couldn't figure out how to get her talking so I ended up talking so damn much, which only revealed things that conflicted with her values). I'm not sure whether the root problem that she lost attraction for me or if she auto-rejected (because of how much stronger my fundamentals are, and she was totally into me online, and how she was immediately super shy the moment we met in real life). What do you guys think?
Anyway, I cut the date short and bring her back home. I wanted to see how far I can go, so I ask if she would get in trouble if I used her bathroom. She said it's fine, and then noted how I always want to pee. "No, dork, that's my excuse to get inside the house with you," I thought to myself. After I took a leak in her bathroom, I asked if we could chat for a few minutes in her room. She said it's okay. So much for her Christian landlord story!
Wow, her room is a MESS. I couldn't help but ask if I could help clean up (I stopped giving a fuck at this point). Her room was also as bright as the sun. I was so out of my element, instead of making a beeline to sit with her on her bed, I asked where I could sit, and she pointed to her hamper. Only now, do I realize what a dumb move of me that was. I need to automatize myself to sit with her on her bed, regardless of how odd the situation. Anyway, I shoot the shit with her for a while because it's also interesting to see how another aspie lives. It's incredible how 2 aspies of the same age range can be so radically different. I have my own place, my own car, and a good steady 40-hour job. She's renting with 3 other housemates, has a really small room that is really messy, and cannot keep a job for more than a few months (the typical aspie is not flexible, and along with a host of other issues, makes keeping a job difficult), and works 70 hours a week. If this is auto-rejection, I can understand why. But I'm really sympathetic of this girl because I was in her shoes, mentally and physically, a while back.
I finally leave and hug her goodbye. When I get to my car, I just sit there in the dark thinking about how fucked up all of this was. What a trip.
As I write this FR, I wonder if I could have escalated to sex anyway if I had been smoother in her bedroom. But I also was really unsure since she had severe Asperger's and I didn't want to take advantage of her.
Going to bed now...so I'm rested for tomorrow's date. I've got yet another date in the middle of the upcoming week as well. I think after that, I'm going to quit serial dating and refocus all my time and energy on pumping up my social value. The occasional date is manageable, but having multiple dates a week is destroying my schedule. I need to get to a point in my life where I can maintain having multiple dates a week. But at least I now know it's something I can revisit later.