Dating Sisters. My case study

[Quicknick]

The situation:

Well long ago i dated a girl. Then I dumped her and she sufered a lot. That girl has a sister who has been my friend since. I always found her atractive but never though she would be in to me because of what happened with her sister, so, for more than a decade, I just apreciated her friendship and never realy had any hopes. We just saw each other from time to time, talked laughed and drink coffee. But for some time now I got the feeling she opened the window to me. So we went for a walk in the park and that day she was clearly interested. Moved fast near her, she gave a bit resistence [co's i'm married now] told me that i should not be doing that, but then we just kissed with passion.

We stayed there for a while but she didn't let me kiss her again. "Have you thought if your wife finds out?".

Fast forward a few days when i stated to chat in facebook with her for another date. Teased her saying that knowing her for almost 20 years [we are in our late 30's] I still found out new things about her. She wanted to know what, but I told her, "when he go out again so that i can see your reactions". And then... sudently... she freaked out. She told me that I was pretending to be a scientist making her a lab rat. I got surprised and tried to neutralize things saying " it's not that, from a computer things have sometimes diferent meanings". But she kept mad and said " Now I don't care and our date is of! Might as well keep our conversations light" By this time I was baffled and just tried to be as unfazed as I could. "you know it's not that serious, it's ok". Then conversation ended.


My point view:

WTF was that? Never in 20 years she got mad at me. She's always so fun, easy going, relaxed and nice! I know I know.... the Kiss. But even so...What happened? Some of you may think " well maybe she's in love with you all this time and now she's feeling insecure and getting defensive" Don't think so. My take is this " I know what you did to my sister, I know how she suffered and now you think you can do the same to me? No way you manipulative bastard! I know your game and you won't stand a chance!"

My goals:

Of course I'm a manipulative bastard. I live well with that. My main goal is to have a casual relationship/friends with benefits co's I'm so atracted to her and her personality. But, this is no ordinary girl. I value her friendship a lot in my life. If it is to bed her and then she get resented, bitter, sad and cut me off her life, then I prefer to back up and save our friendship. One thing I Know: That's a hell of a fascinating family!


Didn't talk to her since. What to do? Anyone had a similar experience before? Dating sisters?

Thanks in advance.

 

[lao che]

i don't think the fact you banged her sister is even relevant. treat it like you would any other girl. the freaking out was a test, which you didn't really pass with flying colours.
as for your goals i would say it's totally possible to - with minimal drama (however her age may be a factor in this case) - have a girl be your fuckbuddy and still have a friendship that you value .. suppose that's a FWB .. but bear in mind that after the sex-relationship ends, the friendship would eventually wane too.

 

[Quicknick]

Yesterday she started this chat conversation with " you ugly ". And then made some light conversation with no improvments. She always finds important to state in some frase the word "friend", or teases me with "fool" or something like that. The friendzone is were we naturaly stand for each other but now I would like to take her out again alone. Just don't know when to ask her so that she accepts.

 

[lao che]

Yesterday she started this chat conversation with " you ugly ". And then made some light conversation with no improvments. She always finds important to state in some frase the word "friend", or teases me with "fool" or something like that. The friendzone is were we naturaly stand for each other but now I would like to take her out again alone. Just don't know when to ask her so that she accepts.

immediately. is the only answer to that question

she's testing you. grab the bull by the horns.


" you ugly ".


"i know. i stink too. let's have a little drink on thursday"




" you ugly ".

"what is it that you love about ugly guys?"




" you ugly ".

"and yet you're strangely attracted to me"



etc

 

[Quicknick]

Eh eh I might well use the one " And I stink too. ... "

Next week it will be, co's of she didn't feel anything she wouldn't have kissed me. But that will look like chasing, and that's what makes me nervous.

 

[Flames]

Eh eh I might well use the one " And I stink too. ... "

Next week it will be, co's of she didn't feel anything she wouldn't have kissed me. But that will look like chasing, and that's what makes me nervous.

Don't worry about the chasing if your both investing the same amount, thats what push-pull is. What for when she walks away (as in right away) and expects you to chase after her, or starts asking you to do things for her and doesn't balance the books in some way.

It's sounds like what your experiencing is a lot of push-pull here which you might want to read up on, though personally I've not really found any articles that truly explain what to do. It seems to be mainly down to interest levels, availability and both the calibration of both parties involved.

If some girl sent me that if probably put something like. "No, you are the ugly one" possibly with "I'm Gorgeous"

 

[Flames]

Eh eh I might well use the one " And I stink too. ... "

Next week it will be, co's of she didn't feel anything she wouldn't have kissed me. But that will look like chasing, and that's what makes me nervous.

Don't worry about the chasing if your both investing the same amount, thats what push-pull is. What for when she walks away (as in right away) and expects you to chase after her, or starts asking you to do things for her and doesn't balance the books in some way.

It's sounds like what your experiencing is a lot of push-pull here which you might want to read up on, though personally I've not really found any articles that truly explain what to do. It seems to be mainly down to interest levels, availability and both the calibration of both parties involved.

If some girl sent me that if probably put something like. "No, you are the ugly one" possibly with "I'm Gorgeous"

That said you have to have been like that from the start or it comes off as incongruent

 

[Quicknick]

Update:

So we went for another date and kissed quite hard and for some time. She was passionate in the way she kissed me. Is was in a complicated public location as we didn't have bed or anything but we went to the rock flor and made some sexual contact but no penetration. Fingered her and naked her tits and maybe i could have penetrated her but she needed to go to work in 5 minutes and ketp saying "we need to go" and so I didn't went for it, but now I'm beating myself up.

3 days have passed and today I texted her about taking her to a softer place that we could be confortable.
The response was quite cold. "You have a dirty mind... don't count on it" I don't know if she got rational in the weekend or my window sudently closed. In our date she made some remarks about how things were going with my wife, and her being lonely and acusing me of being irresponsable and a bit egoistic. All with witty coments, but the content was there.

So now I'm totaly confused about what to do. When texting she's evasive, near me she's passionate. What kind of reply can i give her to her last text? Should I just be quiet and cool to this test? Should I chase?

I like her quite much, and that is making me weeker and more needy. Need to get back the control.

 

[lao che]

"You have a dirty mind... don't count on it"

translation: "i have a dirty mind, and i want you to make something happen. what are you going to do about it?"



reply:

"xyz address, at abc time, on xxxday. wear something pretty"

or

"dirty mind? i'm just talking about a more comfortable place for us to chat ..."

or

"guilty as charged. esp. after what happened just now [at the rocky place or whatever]"

or

"i'm just trying to be a gentleman and take care of the lady's feelings ..."


and so on and so on. whatever fits in with your own style and personality, and history with the girl.

 

[Raqimus]

Side note*

I'd love to have my own little lao che translator to pull out whenever chicks talk in girl speak, would be sooo useful.

 

[lao che]

Side note*

I'd love to have my own little lao che translator to pull out whenever chicks talk in girl speak, would be sooo useful.

i don't know if this is sarcasm

 

[Raqimus]

Side note*

I'd love to have my own little lao che translator to pull out whenever chicks talk in girl speak, would be sooo useful.

i don't know if this is sarcasm

Not sarcasm

 

[lao che]

Side note*

I'd love to have my own little lao che translator to pull out whenever chicks talk in girl speak, would be sooo useful.

i don't know if this is sarcasm

Not sarcasm

then thanks for compliment though it seems, after several recent failures, i am need of a similar device

 

[Quicknick]

Uptade:

And so I was friendzoned/auto-rejectioned. In todays date we kissed again hard, and had those sex movements with the cloth on. But she resisted sex, wasn't as horny has the last time and started to say things like "it was better when we were just friends" "why?" "just because". She deflected whenever we started talking more serious.

Few days back she sent me a message with some song lirics that said " close your eyes and imagine how I like you. I like to the moon and back, simply like you". Then next day she invited me to coffe. I couldn't go so we planned for today.

Point of situation she's telling me we need to go back to the friend basis because that is for all life, and i'm very important to her. She ketp kissing me but resisting to sex. I was manly all the time, with the devil may care atitude, to the point she was telling me "i'm a bit complicated and you are completely crazy". She said goodbye with a kiss but treating me as "my friend".

So complicated situation here: If it was a regular girl, I would cut her off, next her right now. But. She's an old friend and we had someting special before all this. I can't cut her off because of that, she's one of my best friends although I can't see her like that anymore.

Plus, she could see that as bitter and i absolutely don't want that. Even so i'm thinking in staying in my place until she contacts me again. The main objective remains: FWB and have her to like me. If all that fails, keep her as an old friend. I feel there's a mix of auto-rejection [i'm married with a kid] and the need to put me in the place of friend and she made that decision since the last date.

So mates, advice please.

 

[Quicknick]

Guys guys, guys...

Need some positive reinforcement today. One week since last saw this girl, she didn't text or anything. I didn't move either.

I know almost 100% sure it's auto- rejection due to low atainability. The thing is that this girl is realy special [yea Chase i know there's no such thing] and she is one of those that could change my life. Know her for 20 years and i'm positive.

And now i'm afraid she's so deep into the auto rejection that the next time we see each other she will go "full friends, period". But... I don't want to get in touch as it may seem needy.

Next week it's her birthday so some contact will happen, but this last few days have been hard for not knowing what is she thinking, feeling. etc. The thing with her is that she is a tough girl who doesn't submit and even if she loves me she is ready for cut me off.

What can I do now?