Dealing with a girl's dad

[Thinkingenigma]

For some reason, I keep getting involved with very conservative girls, from very conservative families. I don't particularly enjoy being a girl's first, but I do enjoy the process of unlocking a girl's adventurous side. I'd much prefer to be a girl's second lover. I have a very hard time truly seducing more experienced women (either we hook up right off the bat, or it's a non-starter). More inexperienced and conservative girls, on the other hand, absolutely love me. What makes it even weirder is that they always seem to be conservative Christians, despite the fact that I don't attempt to hide my non-religiosity. Maybe that serves as part of my edge? ...I don't know, but back to the story.

Anyways, I've gotten involved with a beautiful girl back home (not the same one as my last question about a girl like this). I've taken her places she never imagined herself going, and she loves it! We haven't slept together yet, but it's going to happen pretty soon if things keep going the way they're going. Our forays into the physical seem to follow this pattern.

-She's hesitant
-She wants to try something
-We try it
-She feels really guilty about it immediately after
-We talk it out (I use the therapist's method to deep dive; asking questions, but providing no answers to help her think through it), and she realizes that the guilt is just social programming
-She feels much better (this happens about 5-10 min after)
-We mess around more later
-She regrets not trying it sooner
-Cycle repeats

She's begun to realize what's going on, and it's really beginning to show. She's happier, and becomes absolutely radiant when we're intimate. She's also beginning to question her social programming which makes her feel guilty whenever she has any kind of fun. She has a very strong "good girl" image that is beginning to weigh on her, and right now, I'm her only source of relief. If it were just the two of us, I wouldn't even be posting here, but of course there's complications.

>>HERE'S THE MAIN QUESTION IF YOU WANT TO SKIP TO IT<<
She currently lives with her parents, who are also very conservative Christians. I'm honestly afraid that if I slept with her and they found out, that her dad might come after me for sleeping with "his little girl" (Don't worry, she's of age). He already doesn't like that she's dating someone non-religious (though he did seem to like me as a person when I met him). If that happens, what frame can I use to try to explain to him that what we're doing together is actually helping her? Also, how can I help prepare her in case her parents lose their shit when they find out like my mom did when she found out I wasn't a virgin anymore? I had a hard time dealing with my mom, and I have a lot of experience defusing worldview-based conflict. I can't even imagine how she would handle it without that experience.
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Complicating the issue is the fact that she's already head over heels for me, so I don't want to let her go now and leave her jaded. I feel like if we slept together and worked through relationship stuff with more time, even if we did separate eventually, it would be on better terms than if we were to separate now. She would feel warmer towards me, and wouldn't feel like I spiked her emotions just before cutting her off (which is how she would feel if I were to end things here).

I've tried to keep my own emotions out of this, but I think it's worth mentioning that this is the first girl that I could honestly say that I've been in love with. Maybe it's just my relative inexperience talking, but there just seems something special about her compared to other girls that I've been with. It hasn't caused me to freeze up and stop moving forward with her, but it definitely gives me pause when I think about the possibility of ending things. I don't know if it's relevant, but I thought I'd put it out there.

Anyways, I'm just trying to figure stuff out...

 

[Thedoctor]

T.E.,

If that happens, what frame can I use to try to explain to him that what we're doing together is actually helping her?

This is not the way I would address it. Chances are her parents will confront her about it, not you. If you are confronted about it, this means the father is looking for confrontation, and anything you say is only going to feed the ensuing argument. If this were to happen, you need to remain mostly silent and just re-direct him to his daughter. This is a conversation he needs to have with his daughter, and not with you, as these are her decisions.

Also, how can I help prepare her in case her parents lose their shit when they find out like my mom did when she found out I wasn't a virgin anymore? I had a hard time dealing with my mom, and I have a lot of experience defusing worldview-based conflict. I can't even imagine how she would handle it without that experience.

Her parents are most likely going to be concerned about three things:
Pregnancy
STD's
Religion

If she does have the talk, she needs to calm their fears by saying she is using the proper precautions (condoms / Birth control). This is a bit of a double-edged sword with some religious folk, as some of them think the usage of birth control is unnatural as well.

The other concern is religion. If they do not believe in pre-marital sex, I really don't see it going too well. It is almost impossible to argue with people that hold strong ideals like these. Rather than her being confrontational and arguing their religion. She should simply tell them she has been having sex, she has been taking the proper precautions, and she has not lost her faith. In situations like these, I find that less is more. Their reaction will probably go one of two ways: They understand and are a little disappointed, or they lose it completely, which could result in situations such as them kicking her out of the house and such.

Personally, I really do not think it is all that difficult to be discreet and not have them find out, which is the easiest solution.

-John