Dealing with backstabbing friends

[Thinkingenigma]

So a few weeks ago I posted a thread about problems that I've been having within my school. https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=1560&sid=dae57cd7d4617bb42be8a9305a45b985#p8017

Two days ago, I found out that the reason it was an issue in the first place was that a guy who I thought was my friend had talked to the girl I mentioned in the previous post, and that HE was the one who had talked to the administration, not the girl like security had told me. Apparently, he's been going around campus "warning" people about me including a really good friend of mine who I'm not going to see for quite a long time after this semester (that has made things super awkward with her).

Never mind that it didn't progress past heavy petting. In his mind, any hint of "sexual impropriety" automatically makes me a predator, and he's been sharing this view all over the place. I mean, I knew he was pretty uptight about that stuff, but come on! Really? He's really fucking with the reputation that I've worked so hard to build here.

When I talked to him, he said that he was trying to make sure I didn't have the chance to mess around with anyone else. During this conversation, he admitted to telling the administration and several other people, and I basically told him that I had no interest in maintaining any sort of friendship. However, that still doesn't solve the problem of how to fix the situation. I'm not particularly interested in revenge, but I want to know how to get him to leave me alone from now on?

 

[trashKENNUT]

Laugh it off and brush it aside as a small matter. Your reputation wasn't one to begin with, and even if it did, you want to brush it aside.

Cut ties then. If he shows up, make him awkward if he persist. you have to draw a line.

The last thing you want to do is be an outcast by acknowledging what he said and you being awkward with yourself. That's just suicide. But do lessen your investment on your "status" there. Play low profile for a bit.

Zac

 

[Estate]

Hi man,
Just to give you some insight on my own experience.

In the past I've dealt with a few similar things...
Friends who would talk quite a lot behind my back (infact, they'd talk behind the back of anyone in the group who wasn't present at any particular time), and I've had exes who've made it their goal to wreck my reputation.

When it is happening, it's very hard to ignore. You WANT to do something, say something, you want to defend yourself against things said or done.
But when I look back on it now, years later... I've learned to just ignore it and walk away.

Isn't that submissive and BETA I hear some of you say? No, not at all in my experience.
Here's the thing... people who talk behind others back or make it an agenda to changes someone's reputation in the minds of others, rarely do it to one person... they do it to everyone they encounter or at the very least, people they feel they have an agenda with.
Really, in the end... it's the guy that won't stop TALKING about this thing they have on their mind is the one who ends up with the bad reputation. It might feel like your silence is a silent admission to whatever they are saying but it's really not. You are being the bigger person, it's not true so why even be bothered to waste your time defending against something which isn't even true and spread by someone who has nothing better to do.

Think of the person you know on facebook who ALWAYS posts very political, or controversial statements, or the person who can't stop posting about their ex.
Maybe the first time, it gets a reaction, people sympathize or agree or whatever... but by the 10th time? Nobody cares anymore, infact it becomes annoying.
If this guy is taking it upon himself to be the "moral compass" of your campus, you can be sure, he's not just doing this to you, he's doing it to anyone he feels isn't living to his standards and people will tire pretty quickly of it. In reality, his own credibility will be ruined by his own inability to just shut up for once.

In terms of dealing with him... I say just ignore him.
If you MUST speak to him, don't become confrontational or aggressive. Whatever he has done or said is not true and you know that so why even get worked up about it. He is in the wrong and anyone on his side are just not worth bothering with.
As a friend, don't have any big argument with him, don't fight him on it, just cut him out. You're a different person and if you're here then you're looking to be the best person you can be, don't let yourself be phased by someone trying to make you conform to his limited ideals.

All the best.