Dealing with Challenges

[Rusty]

I haven't had to deal with this issue (yet), but it's something that has been on my mind.

Whenever I am out with my girl, she routinely gets a lot of attention. She is super cute, has a very curvy body and a sensual look. She doesn't dress terribly provocatively but yet, gets a lot of men's attention when we're out and about. She also tells me about how many men will approach her on a daily basis.

What I am concerned about is how to deal with men who are aggressive despite my presence. It hasn't happened to me, but I'm no fool, I know men will grab and accost women without warning, and I'm not the type of guy to let that go, especially if he does it right in front of me. What is the best approach? I'm not a fighter, but my natural aggressiveness and stubbornness won't allow me to just let it go. But I'm also not wanting to be sued for smashing someone's face in because I couldn't control my emotions.

What would you do if someone grabbed your woman inappropriately? Right in front of you. Is there even a way to settle that nonverbally and come out the victor?

I don't go out often to clubs or nighttime venues where this stuff is more prevalent, and my girl isn't a clubbing or partying type, but she does get a lot of attention and aggressive men approaching her. Just wondering what the best approach is.

 

[Franco]

Rusty,

The only times I've ever even given more than a "thought" to these types of scenarios is when my girl came to me with a complaint (or gave me the "help me" eyes if a guy was bothering her). However, barring these two scenarios (which are actually pretty rare -- most guys might say a few bold things to my girl, but rarely will they do inappropriate things that requires her to ask for my help), the best play here is no play.

Generally when I'm in a public environment, I make it a point to always be doing my own thing. My woman becomes more like my secretary at that point -- she does her own thing and I let her wander off if she wants to, but she reports to me if she has any issues. If she wants to spend the whole time with me arm-in-arm, that's totally fine, but I never press her to stay around me in any way.

If your woman does feel threatened by a guy in some way (and you get a signal from her), you will need to step in and say something. If this happens, I'll walk up to the guy and say something like, "she's asked you several times to stop touching her; can you please leave her alone?" If the guy gets "tough" with you and provokes you, then you need to take a relatively defensive stance and prepare for combat. Although if it gets to this point (which it rarely does for me), you can usually just start yelling at the guy very loudly and cause a scene. If you're in a public area, that will usually be enough for a crowd to get involved and for the fight to never occur. But be prepared to defend yourself if the guy is extremely aggressive (read: likely drunk) and/or throws the first punch. Your best play here is to usually pull a few UFC grapple moves and try to subdue the guy until security/other people come to break up the fight.

Anyway, I've actually never had to ever throw a punch in defense of my girl in my entire life, so I would imagine this scenario is pretty rare. Keep your cool, and assume your woman is completely fine in any scenario (even if she gets groped) unless she specifically calls for your help (EDIT: Needless to say, if she's getting kidnapped or something extreme, obviously jump in!)

Some girls love attention, and some girls may not even mind another guy getting a bit physical with them, but in the end, if you're the guy she's coming home to get naked with, then you hold all the power over her in that environment.

- Franco

 

[Richard]

As Franco pointed out, most girls are perfectly able to handle themselves in these situations.

My girlfriend gets a ton of attention when we're out, especially at a pool tournament or any sporting kind of event, and because she's dealt with it since she was in high school she is accustomed to handling aggressive guys swiftly and I have had not had to step in at all. The only case where I might see myself having to is if it's a stalker (which she has) or somebody who is drunk or otherwise intoxicated.

Keep in mind that women are not helpless and high quality women will not depend on you to defend them or stand up for them unless the situation calls for it.

As a martial artist trained to fight and handle aggressive situations I can tell you that most people who are making a scene back down the second you stand up and show a little backbone; basically, when you're able to call them on their loudmouth talk then they figure it's not worth the hassle to keep up the ruckus. Very rarely do guys get physical; a few exceptions are when they have friends behind them, when they're trying to impress a girl (not a girl that is rejecting him, by the way), or when they're intoxicated or emotional and even in those cases it's obvious that they're going to attack and all you need to do is defend yourself/be vigilant/create distance.

-Richard