Dealing with "I'm looking for my friend"

[Virgin101]

I suppose there's no answer to this question as such. It's just annoying to hear this one, because it could be a mask "for
I'm not interested", but at the same time, it also screams "I'm just a naive little thing that can be taken advantage of", and you don't know which one it is.

Recently, in a bust bar, I saw this girl walking about with her phone in her hand texting. I saw her again later as I was
exiting the bathroom. She gave me a small smile... enough to make me all exited! I approached and said "let me guess, you're looking for your friend". She said "I am actually" and we talked for a bit. It seemed to be going well until she reverted back to the "looking for her friend" excuse. I joked "oh that's what they all say, you can't all be that stupid!". She laughed a bit and I thought I was doing pretty good at this point. A few more brief words and then I messed up by saying "show me a photo of her & I bet I'll find her before you do". I was just looking an excuse to stay with her. Then, a tiny bit of dead air space, and I heard the words "I'm going to let you go!"

Anyone know any good ways to deal with this?

 

[ViPizzle]

It seemed to be going well until she reverted back to the "looking for her friend" excuse. I joked "oh that's what they all say, you can't all be that stupid!".

She did this because even though it's possible she was interested at the onset and stuck around for a few minutes to see if you guys vibed, you didn't lead the interaction anywhere useful. What was your end-goal with her from the moment you started chatting? Was it to kiss her? To invite her over your place? Exchange numbers to set up a date another day? Just flirt? Did you have an idea for where you wanted to lead the interaction? If you didn't, then that inevitable silence that crept in mid-convo was simply because you had no clue what you wanted to do next because you didn't know what you wanted to do ultimately.

I joked "oh that's what they all say, you can't all be that stupid!". She laughed a bit and I thought I was doing pretty good at this point.

You were attempting to crack a joke, but this just implied that many girls you've approached threw the same friend excuse your way - doesn't do anything for your image in her eyes to boost your value - even though it's a joke....You say you were doing pretty well in your eyes at this point - how so? Did you lead her anywhere nearby to gauge her interest? Did you physically escalate with positive outcomes? What at this point made you think you were doing good? - because keep in mind, small talk is a start but should ideally quickly lead to escalation on some or many fronts.

I was just looking an excuse to stay with her. Then, a tiny bit of dead air space, and I heard the words "I'm going to let you go!"

Let's start with your self-image. Why does just having her around you satisfy you? I'd imagine you have a purpose with this girl, right? To escalate your relationship in some form. Merely keeping her by your side for some more time will not bring you closer to your purpose. My intuition is that you weren't sure how to proceed/what to do/say next and where you ultimately wanted the interaction to wind up so the window closed that she left open for you for those few minutes of banter and she realized you weren't leading it anywhere she was interested in so she excused herself kindly. Some examples of what you could have potentially done...Found out her logistics (where she is staying, who is she really with there, what are her plans after), suggested you two go somewhere more fun with better music (your logistics,your place, etc..), or even escalated with touch/kiss/etc..

Keep this in mind at all times with all interactions - have a well-defined goal/outcome/purpose for each one. As long as you know where you want to steer the ship ultimately with her, you'll find yourself doing more of the things that bring you closer to there and less of those that nudge you off-course.

 

[Virgin101]

It seemed to be going well until she reverted back to the "looking for her friend" excuse. I joked "oh that's what they all say, you can't all be that stupid!".

She did this because even though it's possible she was interested at the onset and stuck around for a few minutes to see if you guys vibed, you didn't lead the interaction anywhere useful. What was your end-goal with her from the moment you started chatting? Was it to kiss her? To invite her over your place? Exchange numbers to set up a date another day? Just flirt? Did you have an idea for where you wanted to lead the interaction? If you didn't, then that inevitable silence that crept in mid-convo was simply because you had no clue what you wanted to do next because you didn't know what you wanted to do ultimately.

I joked "oh that's what they all say, you can't all be that stupid!". She laughed a bit and I thought I was doing pretty good at this point.

You were attempting to crack a joke, but this just implied that many girls you've approached threw the same friend excuse your way - doesn't do anything for your image in her eyes to boost your value - even though it's a joke....You say you were doing pretty well in your eyes at this point - how so? Did you lead her anywhere nearby to gauge her interest? Did you physically escalate with positive outcomes? What at this point made you think you were doing good? - because keep in mind, small talk is a start but should ideally quickly lead to escalation on some or many fronts.

I was just looking an excuse to stay with her. Then, a tiny bit of dead air space, and I heard the words "I'm going to let you go!"

Let's start with your self-image. Why does just having her around you satisfy you? I'd imagine you have a purpose with this girl, right? To escalate your relationship in some form. Merely keeping her by your side for some more time will not bring you closer to your purpose. My intuition is that you weren't sure how to proceed/what to do/say next and where you ultimately wanted the interaction to wind up so the window closed that she left open for you for those few minutes of banter and she realized you weren't leading it anywhere she was interested in so she excused herself kindly. Some examples of what you could have potentially done...Found out her logistics (where she is staying, who is she really with there, what are her plans after), suggested you two go somewhere more fun with better music (your logistics,your place, etc..), or even escalated with touch/kiss/etc..

Keep this in mind at all times with all interactions - have a well-defined goal/outcome/purpose for each one. As long as you know where you want to steer the ship ultimately with her, you'll find yourself doing more of the things that bring you closer to there and less of those that nudge you off-course.

Thanks ViPizzle. That was helpful.

 

[ViPizzle]

Glad to hear! Hope next time you hit it out of the park! And feel free to ask any more questions anytime!