Dealing with Tension/ confrontation with People

[Rookie]

When getting into confrontations with people who are angry and aggressive towards you I always find myself reacting instantly and bowing out which is not good to put it lightly. In fact I find myself avoiding these situations because they are so hard to deal with and modifying my actions so i don't deal with these things. It sucks because i know there is a better way.

I've read the article on sexual tension on girlschase and on there it talks about not reacting instantly and rather asking questions to get back on control of things.

From that experience all i can say is that i'm trying to take a deep breath and calm myself but i just react and bow out.

I wanted to know if anyone can give tips on how to stay calm in those situations instead of losing your cool and bowing out like a, well put bluntly, pussy. I'm guessing it's just practice and conditioning in those situations but any other advice would be helpful.

-Rookie

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

See if you can dig up Lifeguard's old reports from the MASf archives.

http://www.masf20.com/masf-archive.html

This should work and give you everyone else's. He deals with conflict very well and does resort to violence or threats of violence on more than one occasion (which you can't be afraid to do if you really wanna be a tough dude. Learning how to fight is a must here).

As for tension, I need more specific circumstances to give you advice. Your questions are too vague. Ask the right questions and the answers will appear, maybe even to yourself.

Where/when/who/how - incorporate these into your questions, specify and you will be closer to an answer.

Hector

 

[Richard]

See if you can dig up Lifeguard's old reports from the MASf archives.

http://www.masf20.com/masf-archive.html

This should work and give you everyone else's. He deals with conflict very well and does resort to violence or threats of violence on more than one occasion (which you can't be afraid to do if you really wanna be a tough dude. Learning how to fight is a must here).

As for tension, I need more specific circumstances to give you advice. Your questions are too vague. Ask the right questions and the answers will appear, maybe even to yourself.

Where/when/who/how - incorporate these into your questions, specify and you will be closer to an answer.

Hector

If I remember correctly, weren't you in a situation where a guy was threatening you and you responded with "You're a funny guy, what's your name?" and basically ended up winning him over to your side? It stands out in my mind as one of the best examples of what I think Rookie is looking for.

Rookie,

As Hector pointed out your post is a little vague so I might be off the ball here but I'll respond to your last bit about staying calm in those situations; I've been in martial arts for a long time and growing up in some of the poorer parts of Chicago fighting is nothing new to me so I have alot of familiarity with aggressive people.

In my case, I can stay calm because I've done it so many times, have the training to give me that discipline, and the intelligence to read cues accordingly because most fights and aggressive situations can be avoided and I'm a bigger fan of bowing out than taking the chance that somebody has a weapon; I've had knives pulled on me and without the years of martial arts to back me up I would have easily lost my head.

So, the short answer is that you need to first understand that you need to remain calm, and second you have to have the backbone to actually do it and I've seen that be developed a few ways; in my case, my backbone is developed through training, other guys I know have the backbone from being in the situation countless times, other guys I know have it because they really have an "I don't give a fuck" mentality and the situation doesn't phase them in the first place; for them if something happens then so be it.

Anyway, you do want to avoid fights if you can and only fight if the guy is persistent on making it a fight. In general, though, As soon as you call somebody on their shit they may escalate a bit to try and scare you but if you can hold your ground they'll usually back down and make an excuse. If they're persistent on fighting, let then make the first move and react accordingly. You don't need a ton of training because most aggressive people don't know how to properly fight so their punches telegraph alot, stance is sloppy, balance is sloppy, and it's very easy to manipulate their moves because they lack experience.

-Richard

 

[Rookie]

Hey, the questions were a little vague, sorry. Essentially what i'm talking about is diffusing aggressive and confrontational men/situations in an effective and manly way. The aggression can range from a heated argument to a 6" man staring you down itching to pounce. Previously whenever i am in these situations, i don't hold my ground and i think the fear takes over and so i end up either apologizing even when i've done nothing wrong or giving into the others terms (in the case of an argument). In other words, in high stress situations i don't remain calm and intelligently get what i want. Instead my fight or flight response kicks in, and in my case, that's flight. So my question was how can overcome the fight or flight response so i can actually think instead?

I've had a look at some of lifeguard's reports and they are helpful. Some of them are quite entertaining too. But Richard has answers my questions well. I'm sure having that experience in martial arts gives you a sense of security and calmness. So I'm going to start boxing up in the new year. Also i've discovered that taking a deep breath and pausing before you react helps as well as just being exposed to that time of situation many times.

Thanks for the answers! they were helpful
-Rookie