Dealing with the aftermath, hookups, dating, breakups

[timtobbler]

A year ago, I set out to lose my virginity and become a confident, attractive man.

After months of practice, I was meeting girls, asking the cute ones out, and getting many more yes's than no's. I went on dates, took a few girls home, and finally lost my virginity with a girl I met from social circle. We were friends with benefits for a few months while I hooked up with other girls, which I was open about and she was aware of but preferred not to talk about. Then at some point emotions got involved, we got more serious, and I had to start giving some thought to the future.

I'd never had any intention of dating this girl. She's cute and witty and fun to hang out with and definitely fun to sleep with, but every relationship's gotta go somewhere, and I'm not looking for a wife at this stage in my life (early 20s), and she's not the wife I'd want were I looking. So we had to end it at some point.

I'd been thinking about breaking up with her for months, not because she isn't great or cute or fun or funny, but because we're not going to last forever and I'd much rather cut things short sooner than later when emotions are stronger and breaking up will be harder. I never really had any emotions for her anyway, it was mostly her. Fast forward to a few nights ago (8 months later), she's over after weeks of not seeing each other during lockdown, and the morning after having a great night the conversation turns to the best opportunity I was going to get to end it, so I ended it. We spent hours having the realest conversation we've ever had about this relationship, and I was shocked at how affected I was. I'm (now) a strong, confident dude. I hooked up with a girl several weeks ago and one of the first things she said in bed was "Why are you so swole?" I look strong and I feel strong and I'm emotionally distant and something of a playboy and I take great pride in having shaped myself into this person in a year. But ending things with this girl really destroyed me, she and I the strong confident man spent hours crying together because I knew it was the right decision but somehow I'd gotten feelings for her. She was my first and I know her better than any other girl I've ever met, inside and out.

Nowhere in all the articles I read on Girls Chase or all the practice I did or all the other resources I looked at did anyone say anything about the emotional aftermath of going down this path. I don't regret it, I'm much happier as the man I am now than the weak, unconfident definition of social anxiety I was a year ago. But it's so hard getting to know someone so well, having them tell you that you make them happier than any other guy they've ever dated, only to know that you're not going to work out. Knowing that something you have to do is going to crush someone you've grown to care about.

I'm putting this here for 2 reasons:

1. To get advice on how to handle this from guys who've been through it before
2. To present a side of this lifestyle that I've never seen mentioned, and that you readers deserve to know

If you've been through this, I'd love to hear your input. It's been a really tough few days, and it's really difficult to know that however I'm feeling, she's definitely feeling much worse. Also, she's my biggest connection to one of my friend groups, and it's really important to me to stay friends with them and her if possible. If you're a bit newer to this, you should know that this is part of the game they don't tell you about, and for a dude that really didn't think he'd care, I've found this pretty tough to go through. Finally, I'll try to put a few updates in here as the days and weeks pass, as a reference to other readers.