Dealing with the recent loss of a great gf

[metalbird]

All right guys, I'm trying to be careful with my words here, because I don't want to whine or complain. That's not my purpose here. I want to reasonably discuss a couple issues that have come up since my last ex broke up with me two weeks ago after 4.5 months of dating. But heartbreak and oneitis are a thing; I'll do my best to be objective.

Issue 1: 95% of girls feel like a big step down from her

I'm 25, slept with 16 different girls and had 4 ltrs. This girl was pretty special. I'll do my best to list positives and negatives.
+ I would watch porn and think, wow, that girl looks almost as good as my gf
+ previous partner count of 2, very selective
+ quite loyal and honest
+ very confident
+ very kind and compassionate
+ extremely joyful and carefree attitude towards life

- middling intelligence
- daddy issues / intimacy issues
- kinda a party girl
- very reckless and risky attitude towards life

Looking at that list, it might not seem like that big of a deal. But I feel like she balanced me out very well. Certainly in terms of looks, very few girls compare to her in my eyes and that alone has made getting back out there difficult.

Issue 2: I feel like my pickup game is a lot stronger than my relationship skills at this point

I've noticed a patter over the past few years. I can bang and even date some very attractive women. But they always ditch me after three to six months. The problem is, I know how to be attractive in the beginning. But once things start to progress I tend to lose that. I don't feel like I'm hiding my true self or being deceptive when I'm single, but once I'm in a relationship, I just lose something. Idk.

 

[andersen09]

In the beginning you're putting your best self out there. From there only two things can happen. You either become better in their eyes or you don't. Technically, if you're not improving yourself as a man than who you were when she first met you, she'll only lose interest. It's a curse and a blessing.

She'll always put her own interests first, and that's her survival of best offsprings possible with best potential mate.

As far as your specific situation, if you add more details, I can help more.

 

[Sandman]

The first is question is simple. You had a girl in that quality and you can do so again.

The second question, I can't pinpoint why exactly your relationship skill is better than your pickup. But one of the biggest mistakes I come across in my friends is they tend to think that their girl is "special" that they don't need game with her, they don't need to think about their actions for example they can be just themselves. Why? Because she is amazing. "Yes maybe not showing her interest might work on lower quality girls or for pick up but I can't do that with her she won't like it" goes the thinking. I agree in a relationship there shouldn't be any "game". But you have to understand the principles like frames, investment etc and act accordingly. You have to be attractive. For example you seemed like a super confident guy at the beginning but time passes and she realises you whine, look to her for support and/or act like she is your whole world. Then you see her attraction plummets. Every girl needs you to be the man.

This is the biggest issue I see my friends having. They either don't understand the basic social concepts (well basic to us because of Chase) or they think it doesn't apply to their girl.

Second advice is more generic. Try to up your empathy. Put yourself in her shoes. Understand her. If you understand her, you can lead her well, give her what she wants (not always what she thinks she wants). You will have your gf eating out of your hand.

And third uber generic advice is read all of Chase's relationship articles. They are golden! I read them when I had my first girlfriend and I've always known what to do. Incredibly useful stuff.

Hope it helps

 

[lostnumber]

Why did she break up with you? Hard to offer any meaningful relationship advice without knowing that, although Andersen and Mere both give solid thoughts

 

[metalbird]

The only real reason she gave was that she just had a "gut feeling". She told me she felt like the relationship was doomed to end eventually, and even though she didn't really want to end it yet she knew it would just get harder the longer we stayed together. She also apologized for asking me to commit when she was unsure of her emotional state and claimed she "didn't know what she was doing with her life" and needed to figure it out on her own.

 

[ResentMasculinity]

well you sound like you have been with more women than most guys have around your age