Dealing with women during hormonal storms

[lux7]

Some women have periods during their cycles during which they are much more likely to raise hackles, get temperamental and, generally, be harder to dealing with.
Fights and drama are much much more likely to happen during this period and can linger on and ruin both her and your day.

I seem to have found out that it's helpful to:


-Recognize when that time has come
first tenet to deal with anything: be aware of it.
Either learn to read the signs or you can actually tell her to let you know when she feels more on the edge.

-Tease less
something that would have been funny in a different scenario can cause some drama in this period and it's easy to overdo it and start a fight out of nothing.

-Be a bit more attentive
sometimes it can seem some women are almost looking for an excuse to start troubles.
Being a bit more attentive will go a long way to prevent a flare up and will be much appreciated during their "time of need"

-Thank and appreciate more
some women seem to be more self-conscious and more in need of reassurance that yes, you like and care for them and appreciate their contribution

-Don't prolong the drama with rational thoughts
as dramas and arguments are more likely to happen, it might happen even when take precautions.
Don't linger on on them with rational arguments but cut them short and move on quickly, an emotional fire is more likely to spread out than die at the hands of rational thoughts

-Cut the exposure
if for whatever reason you don't feel like handling a more emotional human being you can cut the face to face exposure during that time. No time together is better than bad time together.

-Don't become a wuss
just a note, the extra care shouldn't mean you are going to accept any serious disrespect to your persona..


What do you think are good way to handle women when they're under period-induce emotional strain... ?

 

[Chase]

Lucifer-

I'm on board with teasing less and cutting exposure.

Being more attentive and more appreciative when she's snippy and prone to exploding though is rewarding bad behavior, which is exactly what you do not want to do: that is, she gives you more attitude, and you up your investment. It's operant conditioning for both of you that trains you to serve her when she's bitchy, and her to be bitchy when she wants you to serve her.

You mentioned in another thread that you're staying with this girl and don't have anywhere else to go, so that might be influencing your reactions to some extent - you naturally become more conflict-avoidant when you feel like you don't have options, because you are dependent.

I would suggest not changing anything about how you act towards a long-term girlfriend when staying with a girl. When I'm staying with girls, I will confront them head on during their periods if they start stirring up nonsense, and will absolutely not reward bitchiness with appreciation and nurturing.

You can defuse many of these fights by saying something like, "You're acting hormonal because you're on your period, and I'm not going to fight about this stupid stuff with you right now. We can fight about it later if you still want to, but I'm busy right now and I'm not really interested in doing it", then go in another room and wait for her to cool off. You have to be a little self-aware in the moment to remember to do this, but 4 times out of 5 it's going to cause her to reassess what she's doing if she's a half-rational woman and take most of the edge off.

If you're in an LTR with a girl, and ESPECIALLY if you are staying with her, you need to either go completely meta on her (like the example in the paragraph just above), or you must confront issues head-on, escalate them into full blown fights, then resolve them. Don't let things linger or try to smooth them over with niceness - things like this will crater her respect for you and gradually train her to run all over you. They feel like the right calls in the short-term, because conflict is avoided; over the long-term, they just get you investing more and more to appease the dragon, while the fire she breathes only gets hotter and hotter. Better to nip problems in the bud and teach her that acting bitchy toward you feels bad for her, not good.

Chase

 

[lux7]

Thank you Chase, powerful reminder there on not giving in in the short term to come on top in the longer run.
Also loved the meta suggestion, many women DO know and will understand when remembered it's them who are being unstable.

One question though, would you say the same if more attentive and appreciative were meant as prevention rather than cure?

STORY EXAMPLE
An example from the actual story to tie it all together:
As we were pulling down the wallpaper and right in the day when she craved and needed some appreciation the most, I kept teasing her about how slow and ineffective she was.
Knowing how I dislike fit of tempers but getting more and more hurt and unstable, she mighty struggled to keep herself from blowing (including going to the bathroom to cool off).
Now cutting the teasing would have most likely done the trick of appeasing her and avoiding an unneeded argument.
But simpleton I was, the teasing went on and on till the breaking point (maybe there's actual an unconscious pleasure in seeing how a little teasing from you can wreck another person's mood and brain: big power showdown to feed small egos one could say ).

ATTENTION AND APPRECIATION AS PREVENTION
On the attention and appreciation as prevention: being some women more insecure during 1-2 days in a month, wouldn't it have been useful (and more caring) encouraging her with some positive feedback on her work?

If done properly it should not sound like you're scared (especially if you're indeed not scared but genuinely want her to be happy), but will actually set you as "the one who gives out rating in the house" and the one whose expectation she has to conform to.
And, side note.. It can go a long way to prevent drama.