- Joined
- Jul 25, 2015
- Messages
- 91
Hey, been a while since I requested advice. That "conservative" girl who had a boyfriend didn't pan out at all, but I got over her right away when I met these church chicks. Anyway, this has been my dilemma: I dig this girl deeply involved with the campus ministry, but this other girl in the ministry digs me. They are good friends. I do not think Girl B (likes me) knows I am pursuing Girl A (I like her), but Girl A is being loyal to her friend. The setting isn't really relevant, figured I'd just use it to color the story.
Some background: So I called Girl A before Christmas break (break was about 3 to 3 and a half weeks), and we set up a tentative lunch date for the Sunday before finals week, she said she'd get back to me if she was able to go. It was for 2pm, she texted me at noon saying there was too much going on. I texted her if she wanted to reschedule, she said "Not before break, but maybe after?" Given she lives in another state and lives on campus during the school year, this was understandable. Break has since concluded and we shot a couple texts back and forth a few days ago, however she did not respond to one I sent Thursday, the 7th- I said I hope she enjoyed her break, she said "Thanks, I did!" I meant this merely as a convo-starter and not as the full conversation, and then followed up with "That's good. Do anything exciting?" No response. However, saw her in church today and she was kind and went out of her way to get my attention for the "Peace be with you" part. I'm thinking "Okay, she just doesn't want to upset her friend who likes me, she's indecisive." This seems to be the case from the start, as she always responds almost immediately (like 5 minutes later), she's very punctual in general (not because she likes me or whatever, she's just punctual and no-nonsense in general, which I appreciate). WHICH leads me to another, less likely theory- she did not appreciate my two-hour-later responses compared to her 5 minute ones. I was just doing life, I wasn't worried about responding too late or too soon or whatever, but now that I think of it this may not have helped my case. This coupled with her friend having the major hots for me really doesn't make it look good. Upon reconsidering this, it's probably completely her indecisiveness and where she knew the convo was leading and her wanting to avoid that convo (bringing up the date). Still, it's possible.
ALSO, before all that: I got her number in kind of a cheaty way but I figured since I had it I might as well use it: around December 10th or so (before break, I called her a day or two later about the date) she invited me to this campus basketball game she went to with her chick friends to support their boyfriends. She gave me her number to text logistics (directions, where they're sitting, etc). Yeah, I know, I kind of messed up by going- if I had done it differently, I would have said something like "That sounds cool but I have a massive paper to finish tonight- want to get lunch this weekend instead?" She's super friendly and loves just doing things with people, so that is probably the reason for that. Further, at the basketball game, the signs were not looking good for me. She had this look of "He is into me but I am not into him because/and ____ likes him." Her expression, at times, was just a really bad sign (nothing you can't recover from
). THE REASON I MENTION ALL OF THIS IS THUS (aside from extra details that lend to a deeper insight): I was going to call her tomorrow, leave a voicemail if I have to, and just follow up about the date one last time- "Hey ____, it's Anthony, I'm just calling to see if you still wanted to reschedule that lunch. I hope the first week back isn't too depressing, get back to me when you can. Goodbye." MY POINT: Although I think I know the answer, would it hurt me more than help if I call her with the number I got in the "wrong way"? The framing was off for it, but I'm assuming you'll all say "Well, you got it sort of clumsily, but duh, still use it. Assume attraction when in doubt." If there's any modicum of interest, it's hinted at with "Maybe after break?" Obviously she could have just tried putting it off or she was genuinely interested but obviously lives in another state so no go. I personally think she's in the "genuinely can't make up her mind" category and is torn with her friend- she put it off and is being unresponsive precisely because she can't make up her mind. If I call and give that little extra push to force her to make a decision, I can finally be done with this (and if it doesn't work, then I can just date this other girl in ministry who also digs me and who I have good chemistry with...the church girls love me).
She is either adamantly against this in favor of her friend or torn. Given her genuine nature, I think she just is torn and indecisive. Why would she say, "Maybe after?" if I didn't have my foot in the door? I do not think she told the other girl. ALSO- that third ministry chick is far enough removed from the little clique or whatever of these two girls. Everyone's friends, but there's tighter knit groups and such within the larger ministry. Also, the third girl doesn't really seem to care if she somehow does know about the chick that digs me. Not complaining.
Thanks for all of your help and insights, fellas. Even if I disagree with the fundamental views of basically the entire site, and some cited evidence to support those views, I always appreciate the help immensely.
Always striving,
Anthony
Some background: So I called Girl A before Christmas break (break was about 3 to 3 and a half weeks), and we set up a tentative lunch date for the Sunday before finals week, she said she'd get back to me if she was able to go. It was for 2pm, she texted me at noon saying there was too much going on. I texted her if she wanted to reschedule, she said "Not before break, but maybe after?" Given she lives in another state and lives on campus during the school year, this was understandable. Break has since concluded and we shot a couple texts back and forth a few days ago, however she did not respond to one I sent Thursday, the 7th- I said I hope she enjoyed her break, she said "Thanks, I did!" I meant this merely as a convo-starter and not as the full conversation, and then followed up with "That's good. Do anything exciting?" No response. However, saw her in church today and she was kind and went out of her way to get my attention for the "Peace be with you" part. I'm thinking "Okay, she just doesn't want to upset her friend who likes me, she's indecisive." This seems to be the case from the start, as she always responds almost immediately (like 5 minutes later), she's very punctual in general (not because she likes me or whatever, she's just punctual and no-nonsense in general, which I appreciate). WHICH leads me to another, less likely theory- she did not appreciate my two-hour-later responses compared to her 5 minute ones. I was just doing life, I wasn't worried about responding too late or too soon or whatever, but now that I think of it this may not have helped my case. This coupled with her friend having the major hots for me really doesn't make it look good. Upon reconsidering this, it's probably completely her indecisiveness and where she knew the convo was leading and her wanting to avoid that convo (bringing up the date). Still, it's possible.
ALSO, before all that: I got her number in kind of a cheaty way but I figured since I had it I might as well use it: around December 10th or so (before break, I called her a day or two later about the date) she invited me to this campus basketball game she went to with her chick friends to support their boyfriends. She gave me her number to text logistics (directions, where they're sitting, etc). Yeah, I know, I kind of messed up by going- if I had done it differently, I would have said something like "That sounds cool but I have a massive paper to finish tonight- want to get lunch this weekend instead?" She's super friendly and loves just doing things with people, so that is probably the reason for that. Further, at the basketball game, the signs were not looking good for me. She had this look of "He is into me but I am not into him because/and ____ likes him." Her expression, at times, was just a really bad sign (nothing you can't recover from
). THE REASON I MENTION ALL OF THIS IS THUS (aside from extra details that lend to a deeper insight): I was going to call her tomorrow, leave a voicemail if I have to, and just follow up about the date one last time- "Hey ____, it's Anthony, I'm just calling to see if you still wanted to reschedule that lunch. I hope the first week back isn't too depressing, get back to me when you can. Goodbye." MY POINT: Although I think I know the answer, would it hurt me more than help if I call her with the number I got in the "wrong way"? The framing was off for it, but I'm assuming you'll all say "Well, you got it sort of clumsily, but duh, still use it. Assume attraction when in doubt." If there's any modicum of interest, it's hinted at with "Maybe after break?" Obviously she could have just tried putting it off or she was genuinely interested but obviously lives in another state so no go. I personally think she's in the "genuinely can't make up her mind" category and is torn with her friend- she put it off and is being unresponsive precisely because she can't make up her mind. If I call and give that little extra push to force her to make a decision, I can finally be done with this (and if it doesn't work, then I can just date this other girl in ministry who also digs me and who I have good chemistry with...the church girls love me).She is either adamantly against this in favor of her friend or torn. Given her genuine nature, I think she just is torn and indecisive. Why would she say, "Maybe after?" if I didn't have my foot in the door? I do not think she told the other girl. ALSO- that third ministry chick is far enough removed from the little clique or whatever of these two girls. Everyone's friends, but there's tighter knit groups and such within the larger ministry. Also, the third girl doesn't really seem to care if she somehow does know about the chick that digs me. Not complaining.
Thanks for all of your help and insights, fellas. Even if I disagree with the fundamental views of basically the entire site, and some cited evidence to support those views, I always appreciate the help immensely.
Always striving,
Anthony
