Dilemma

[enon]

Consider this situation:

What if you were a 17 year old in a small high school. And of course, within a small high school, the wrong move can spread like wildfire. You also live in small house with your parents almost constantly at home, therefore there is hardly any privacy. Also, you aren't allowed to get a car. Would you even bother flirting with girls or would you focus on studies and doing hobbies?

 

[Drck]

Yes. Don't limit yourself, move is a move. You can always look at things in different ways:

One way is that you make a move, which turns out to be wrong and you'll feel ashamed. You'll give up because of that feeling shame. What do girls think? Well, he tried to flirt once with one girl, and he gave up. He is not a winner, he has low self esteem, he doesn't feel good about himself. He doesn't have any confidence, he is seeking approval. Do I want to be around that guy? Nope.

The other way is, that you make a move and it also turns out the wrong way. But you don't feel ashamed, you laugh and you focus on different girls. What do girls think about you? Perhaps they don't even notice that there was something wrong at first place, you are simply flirting with other girls. They may think: This guy loves girls, he talks to lots of girls, maybe he is not the best at this time but with more practice and experience he will become good. He's got confidence, he doesn't give up so easily, he doesn't care if others laugh at his effort to get a girl. He is a winner, he is trying and trying until he wins. Do I want to be around this guy? Maybe, and even if not I can recommend him to my best friend.

Another way to see things is:

* "I am in a small high school" >>>> You are limiting yourself. How many girls are there? 20? 100? So say: There is only 20 (or 100) girls to flirt with! Once I'm done flirting with all of them I will need many more girls! (this will give you good start with Abundance Mentality)

* "The wrong move can spread like a wildfire" >>>> And that is good! You are not afraid to do wrong move, wrong moves are part of growing. You are moving forward regardless of what others think, regardless of making bad moves. That is the way of success, that is how successful people did it. Let those wrong moves spread like a wildfire, let everybody know that you are on your way of success.

* "Would you bother with flirting with girls or would you focus on studies and doing hobbies?" >>>> Yes. It wouldn't bother me to flirt with girls at all. At the same time you can still focus on studies and hobbies. It doesn't have to be Either/Or, it can be BOTH.

 

[enon]

Yes. Don't limit yourself, move is a move. You can always look at things in different ways:

One way is that you make a move, which turns out to be wrong and you'll feel ashamed. You'll give up because of that feeling shame. What do girls think? Well, he tried to flirt once with one girl, and he gave up. He is not a winner, he has low self esteem, he doesn't feel good about himself. He doesn't have any confidence, he is seeking approval. Do I want to be around that guy? Nope.

The other way is, that you make a move and it also turns out the wrong way. But you don't feel ashamed, you laugh and you focus on different girls. What do girls think about you? Perhaps they don't even notice that there was something wrong at first place, you are simply flirting with other girls. They may think: This guy loves girls, he talks to lots of girls, maybe he is not the best at this time but with more practice and experience he will become good. He's got confidence, he doesn't give up so easily, he doesn't care if others laugh at his effort to get a girl. He is a winner, he is trying and trying until he wins. Do I want to be around this guy? Maybe, and even if not I can recommend him to my best friend.

Another way to see things is:

* "I am in a small high school" >>>> You are limiting yourself. How many girls are there? 20? 100? So say: There is only 20 (or 100) girls to flirt with! Once I'm done flirting with all of them I will need many more girls! (this will give you good start with Abundance Mentality)

* "The wrong move can spread like a wildfire" >>>> And that is good! You are not afraid to do wrong move, wrong moves are part of growing. You are moving forward regardless of what others think, regardless of making bad moves. That is the way of success, that is how successful people did it. Let those wrong moves spread like a wildfire, let everybody know that you are on your way of success.

* "Would you bother with flirting with girls or would you focus on studies and doing hobbies?" >>>> Yes. It wouldn't bother me to flirt with girls at all. At the same time you can still focus on studies and hobbies. It doesn't have to be Either/Or, it can be BOTH.

But what if all this flirting could never amount to having sex since you're in a small house where there is "hardly any privacy"? Plus, do not forget that you have no car.

 

[Inferno]

Hey enon, you could always make the sex in school, or at her house

 

[Drck]

You are 17, which means you have lots of time, and thus lots of options. And also huge advantage over other guys by already studying seduction and reading GC.

Based on your text I am assuming that you don't have much experience with girls. So any exposure and communication with girls is good. Flirting is not optimal for seduction, once you get more experience you'll find out that flirting can actually be an obstacle. Perhaps you just want to "hit" on the girl once or twice at the beginning to make things going forward, but once she flirts back you want to keep moving forward (and stop flirting). So at this time I would talk to as many girls as you can to create Abundance Mentality and raise your confidence, perhaps just flirt here and there...

Many times guys get stuck with flirting. Flirting feels good, it generates sexual tension, the guy is teasing that girl, she is teasing back, there are good vibes... So he meets a girl and he flirts, flirts and flirts - without doing anything else. At first the girl might be quite excited by the attention, she feels that he is sexually interested in her. Naturally she wants more, she wants to go out, get physical.... but if the guy is not moving things forward she will get disappointed fast. Now she is disappointed, she was just teased without any actions - and he wants to flirt even more because he feels she lost an interest. Which she did, except now he appears like a weirdo because he doesn't really pushes things forward...

I can't solve problem with your car and parents in the house. But there are other ways, even becoming at physical is a good step forward. That can be done in many places not just home. And who knows, maybe her parents are not home 24/7..??

Do what you can with whatever is available to you...

 

[ray_zorse]

Yeah dude, well the way I would look at it is, when the problems become problems then worry about them then...

For instance you have nowhere to take the girl... not really an issue if no girls are keen to be alone with you! Concentrate on making that happen!

Or you have no car... again, you probably want to be asking girls on dates before the lack of car becomes an issue... go on a few dates using public transport and if it's really bothering you then maybe ask a friend to borrow his car or your parents... you have a licence right? But make something happen, or you won't even have a reason to be asking for the loan of anybody's car!

What it boils down to, is that it takes a whole lot of balls to approach girls and even more balls to ask them on dates and have it go well... I'm still not good at it and I've been hitting it hard for a long time... given this takes a fair bit of balls it's pretty easy to pussy out with excuses, even I do it sometimes (I have my kids with me... etc).

By the way, is there any real problem with bringing your dates home? Do you live in a particularly small house or something? Cos a lot of the guys here live with their parents and bring girls home while their parents are in the house. Just don't introduce them, take them straight to your room... no problem at all. Give your parents a heads up and you'll probably find they're pretty supportive, unless they're religious fundamentalists or have some particular reason to be against it. I can certainly remember how nervous and shy and embarrassed I was as a teenager, about the idea of bringing girls home, and that people would know we were making out in my room, but it seems ridiculous when I look back now... remember your parents were teenagers once, they should know how things work!

-Ray

 

[enon]

Yeah dude, well the way I would look at it is, when the problems become problems then worry about them then...

For instance you have nowhere to take the girl... not really an issue if no girls are keen to be alone with you! Concentrate on making that happen!

Or you have no car... again, you probably want to be asking girls on dates before the lack of car becomes an issue... go on a few dates using public transport and if it's really bothering you then maybe ask a friend to borrow his car or your parents... you have a licence right? But make something happen, or you won't even have a reason to be asking for the loan of anybody's car!

What it boils down to, is that it takes a whole lot of balls to approach girls and even more balls to ask them on dates and have it go well... I'm still not good at it and I've been hitting it hard for a long time... given this takes a fair bit of balls it's pretty easy to pussy out with excuses, even I do it sometimes (I have my kids with me... etc).

By the way, is there any real problem with bringing your dates home? Do you live in a particularly small house or something? Cos a lot of the guys here live with their parents and bring girls home while their parents are in the house. Just don't introduce them, take them straight to your room... no problem at all. Give your parents a heads up and you'll probably find they're pretty supportive, unless they're religious fundamentalists or have some particular reason to be against it. I can certainly remember how nervous and shy and embarrassed I was as a teenager, about the idea of bringing girls home, and that people would know we were making out in my room, but it seems ridiculous when I look back now... remember your parents were teenagers once, they should know how things work!

-Ray

By the way, I don't have a license and if I did my problem would be solved since I could use one of parent's cars. And yes, my parents are pretty old school and I can't even imagine how mad they would be if they found out I was banging a chick inside the house. Right now, I'm in a pretty good relationship with my parents since I've been getting good grades and have a direction in life and I haven't been doing anything stupid lately unlike the past... one time my mom took me the police station because of this stupid prank I pulled off at school on top of the detention I received. Anyways, I don't want to ruin that relationship since they are the ones who are going to be financial supporting me with college and whatever. I've had this discussion with them and they said I shouldn't treat having sex as such a casual thing because it loses it's value. My mom does not like to take risks as she worried about getting stds and forced her partner to get tested before they sex. Neither of my parents had a normal teenage life as they both worked hard and didn't have time for getting laid and going on dates until later in life, so they don't really "know how things work".

Thanks for the help guys. I agree I shouldn't have been as pessimistic as I have been.

 

[ray_zorse]

Cool, well it sounds like you have thought things through, so just keep doing what you're doing and expand your comfort zone a little at a time. Also go book some driving lessons, the way it works here is the instructor picks you up in his/her car from your house and takes you driving for 1hr or whatever then drops you back. And you can do the test in instructor's car with tester in instructor's seat while instructor waits back at the roads authority office. So all you need is some $$ really. If you want to give yourself a deadline then just book the test now. Go on, do it! As a high value man you have to get used to acting instantly, the moment you perceive an issue or a need.
-Ray