So I run a club, involving mostly women. And a few of them are quite attractive. I was in a LTR with the co-owner, but that's done, and she's gone (a year or so ago).
A newish girl (woman; these are all in the 27ish range, with the one 20 year old I've written off as unfortunately too young to play with) recently joined the club, although she was already entrenched in the social circle of the physical business where the club is, by working there. So she wasn't MY social circle, but was fully entrenched with the girls. I documented that debacle in my LR viewtopic.php?f=5&t=8940. I'll call her "Trouble".
That's gone horribly sideways - she's going to remain hopelessly in love with the asshole she's been on/off with for years, and is only attracted to me when I'm a confident asshole, and I break that frame as soon as I start to get any emotions involved, which I do if the girl is "gf quality" (yes, this is a problem, I'm working on it). Problem - Trouble didn't want to do anything not-casual, yet then we had some freaking storybook dates, she was all doe-eyed and future-projecting, etc, I knew I was risking getting attached so I made a fairly hard play, she says she just wants casual, I bailed. But contrary to our EXPLICIT "what happens here, is NONE of the other girls' business, they need know nothing".... she's been telling stories. And it sounds like untrue stories, to boot. Hopefully she said the sex was good. So I'm not sure if it's just her, or if it's just that "no matter what they say, girls talk, and you can't ever trust discretion". I've written her off, deleted her number, and expect she'll leave club.
I know this because another one of the girls, "Flirty", is now contacting me. We had an hour long telephone conversation, and I got a good deal of the story Trouble was putting out. But then this also developed into "Well, I know we've always flirted"... and [me] "Yeah, us sleeping together would be bad.... [her, laughing] I couldn't sleep with you unless your ex was dead, I'm still terrified of her ...". Flirty is also newly out of a relationship. I don't want to feel like a predator, but these are all girls who are leaving their boys after long wind-downs, I don't mind being a rebound boy, if it's not "taking advantage of them".
So I'm baffled.
(1) Have I just fucked this up for the last number of years? I know I've changed my fundamentals hugely in the last year, but with this particular group, I'm literally feeling like I can sleep with any of the 3 I'd like to just by half-assedly creating an opportunity and not fucking it up. This totally fucks with "attraction expiring/escalation windows/etc..." even with improved fundamentals I've done fuck-all for 6 months.
(2) Is it possible to do social circle and not burn every bridge? I'm BLOWN AWAY that Trouble was telling stories here. I've flirted with Flirty for years, and I think the sex would be fun. But this one, I don't think is someone I'd get in a relationship with. How do I establish that she's in the same situation, and I'm not just going to be leading her on? And can I ACTUALLY expect discretion?
(3) I seem to be able to manage my reputation DESPITE the backlash. These girls still evidence interest, despite years of my Alpha-ex verbally destroying me. And now they're outright talking about Trouble behind her back as to questioning the stories she's giving as incongruent with observation. But I feel like I'm playing with fire.
(4) I'm too old for this shit, at 35. I'm not going to go find barstars. And I know the correct answer is "go learn cold-approach", but that's so far away from my 20 years of beta/white-knight/etc, I'm still resisting.
A newish girl (woman; these are all in the 27ish range, with the one 20 year old I've written off as unfortunately too young to play with) recently joined the club, although she was already entrenched in the social circle of the physical business where the club is, by working there. So she wasn't MY social circle, but was fully entrenched with the girls. I documented that debacle in my LR viewtopic.php?f=5&t=8940. I'll call her "Trouble".
That's gone horribly sideways - she's going to remain hopelessly in love with the asshole she's been on/off with for years, and is only attracted to me when I'm a confident asshole, and I break that frame as soon as I start to get any emotions involved, which I do if the girl is "gf quality" (yes, this is a problem, I'm working on it). Problem - Trouble didn't want to do anything not-casual, yet then we had some freaking storybook dates, she was all doe-eyed and future-projecting, etc, I knew I was risking getting attached so I made a fairly hard play, she says she just wants casual, I bailed. But contrary to our EXPLICIT "what happens here, is NONE of the other girls' business, they need know nothing".... she's been telling stories. And it sounds like untrue stories, to boot. Hopefully she said the sex was good. So I'm not sure if it's just her, or if it's just that "no matter what they say, girls talk, and you can't ever trust discretion". I've written her off, deleted her number, and expect she'll leave club.
I know this because another one of the girls, "Flirty", is now contacting me. We had an hour long telephone conversation, and I got a good deal of the story Trouble was putting out. But then this also developed into "Well, I know we've always flirted"... and [me] "Yeah, us sleeping together would be bad.... [her, laughing] I couldn't sleep with you unless your ex was dead, I'm still terrified of her ...". Flirty is also newly out of a relationship. I don't want to feel like a predator, but these are all girls who are leaving their boys after long wind-downs, I don't mind being a rebound boy, if it's not "taking advantage of them".
So I'm baffled.
(1) Have I just fucked this up for the last number of years? I know I've changed my fundamentals hugely in the last year, but with this particular group, I'm literally feeling like I can sleep with any of the 3 I'd like to just by half-assedly creating an opportunity and not fucking it up. This totally fucks with "attraction expiring/escalation windows/etc..." even with improved fundamentals I've done fuck-all for 6 months.
(2) Is it possible to do social circle and not burn every bridge? I'm BLOWN AWAY that Trouble was telling stories here. I've flirted with Flirty for years, and I think the sex would be fun. But this one, I don't think is someone I'd get in a relationship with. How do I establish that she's in the same situation, and I'm not just going to be leading her on? And can I ACTUALLY expect discretion?
(3) I seem to be able to manage my reputation DESPITE the backlash. These girls still evidence interest, despite years of my Alpha-ex verbally destroying me. And now they're outright talking about Trouble behind her back as to questioning the stories she's giving as incongruent with observation. But I feel like I'm playing with fire.
(4) I'm too old for this shit, at 35. I'm not going to go find barstars. And I know the correct answer is "go learn cold-approach", but that's so far away from my 20 years of beta/white-knight/etc, I'm still resisting.
. I should really get involved in more activities, myself. This is a community of a few hundred people within travelling distance, in various clubs of 10-30 people, and I teach classes and run club/tournaments. These 2 girls (and my ex, formerly) were all within the same clique, within.