Do not buy into their frame when leading

[phuasjn2]

I was at bedtime contemplating about my interactions throughout the day and I woke up to document down my thoughts. I realized that there was a better way to persuade girls to move along with you. The key is to not buy into their frame when leading.

Lets say you want to lead a girl you just met 5 minutes ago to go shopping with you and the conversation goes as follows.

Me: Lets go to uniqlo, it has really cool designs
Her: But the shirts there are boring

Wrong way to persuade
Me: Actually the clothes are interesting (buying into her frame)
Her: No the shirts are bad
Me: I bought the sweater and it was fine
Her: I bought the shirt and it spoilt the other time

Right way to persuade
Me: The air con there is better than here
Her: Really isn't it the same air con in this entire place.
Me: The environment seems fun there, lets go
Her: Okay

Basically you just keep giving her new reasons to go and eventually she will agree with one of them and go along.

 

[johndoe]

You don't have to win every frame. Having this attitude isn't good because overtly ignoring other people's frames is going to put you both in a you vs. him / her mindset, which breaks rapport. You want to create an us vs. them mindset, because this will make her a lot more compliant, which makes the whole vibe more fun and chill.

In general, it is fine to cede a frame if you are still getting what you want out of it. For e.g. why are you moving her to Uniqlo? If you are just wanting to move her to get more investment from her, does it matter she suggests to head to Giordano instead? Because you are still getting what you want.

 

[phuasjn2]

why are you moving her to Uniqlo? If you are just wanting to move her to get more investment from her, does it matter she suggests to head to Giordano instead

Yeah, of course you need to exercise judgement and if she suggests something that's going to move the interaction forward, you can cede the frame. What happens sometimes is that she may not be moving the interaction forward with her suggestion. That's when it's important to not get drawn into her frame.