Do u text her again after a sexless first date or do u wait for her 2 text u?

[Prehistoric]

After having had some first date successes, I am wondering if I am getting too obsessed with the idea that sex must happen on the first date otherwise it's not even worth it to give it a second try.

Yesterday I went out with this girl and although the vibe throughout the whole night was very positive she ended up resisting my attempts to go to my place, even thought we were very very close logistically (there were also some unfortunate, non predictable events because in the second bar we went to the owner was organising some sort of party and started involving everybody in the place so it turned into a social situation where everybody was talking to everybody else which destroyed the whole intimate "deep diving" atmosphere I had very positively built in the first bar. I am sure some more experienced guys could have turned that situation to their advantage but I am not there yet)

Anyway, whatever the circumstances, the result is: we met and we didn't have sex, and that's probably all that matters in deciding what to do next.
Now I am thinking:

1) because the date ended up with me trying the pull and she resisting, to text her again, especially the day after would feel like "chasing" and no longer like "persisting", wouldn't it?

2) I could text her the next day in some humorous social way, but then I would be losing the sexual tension I built when I tried the pull. At least now it's very clear in her mind that I am not playing around and that I desire her sexually.

3) I could wait for around 5 days / one week to simply ask her on a second date and deciding based on her response (for example if she accepts to meet again close to my place/straight to my place or if she suggests an entirely different area)

4) Just get her out of my mind, which I have become pretty skilled at, go out, meet other girls and if she texts me in the future fine, which is the one I am spontaneously most inclined to do.

Which solution do you guys generally employ?

 

[Frost]

Re: Do u text her again after a sexless first date or do u wait for her 2 text u

I'm still new to this, and I just had a sexless first date, but the girl really likes me. I texted her the same night with a I-had-a-good-time text and I'm going out with her again soon, and I intend to seal the deal this time. I ended up texting her a bit in the meantime since every time I plan a date something happens to break it off, and I managed to build quite a bit of sexual tension in one of the conversations.

Just like you, after reading a lot on this website I started to question whether or not not having sex on the first date means you've missed your opportunity or done something wrong (I still don't have an answer XD).

I think you should definitely ask her out again, and if you think you can build sexual tension over text, I think it would help (in my case it was an accident, she happened to test me and I turned the thing to a sexual direction).

 

[Prehistoric]

Re: Do u text her again after a sexless first date or do u wait for her 2 text u

I thought a lot about this topic recently.

I guess the best thing one can do is to constantly work to improve attractiveness, the ability to create comfort and connection and to organise logistics in order to maximise the chances of first-date sex.

After a sexless first date it's probably ok to ask her to see each other again but keeping expectations very low.

On a third date I would definitely don't go. I read a Girls Chase articles (can't find it again) suggesting beginners try give it 3-4 shots, intermediates 2-3 and advanced 1-2.

I am definitely not advanced. Somewhere between upper beginner and lower intermediate but my gut feeling tells me 3 dates is too much. It really feels like wasting time I could employ meeting new girls, going out with experienced buddies or even reading new dating material.

The girl of the first post texted me today, I answered by inviting her straight home to eat something. She suggested we do something more social and playful. Probably she means partying, which means going somewhere where guys will be hitting on her and will probably have more chances than me because they are "new".

It confirms that after a sexless first date the friend-zoning (or boy-friending at best) process already activates.

I definitely have more chances partying alone or with buddies and hitting on new girls.

 

[mindful]

Re: Do u text her again after a sexless first date or do u wait for her 2 text u

The last few dates I've went on were sexless first dates. This is mainly because the girl has a time constraint, which unfortunately i didn't even find out until the day of the date when they tell me they can only stay for an hour then they have to go meet up with friends or something. In both instances I thought it would of been a waste of time to go on the date since I couldn't fully escalate to sex. However, I went on them anyways.

The first girl I saw, after we got a drink we walked outside and SHE actually suggested that we go walk by the creek that is near the bar. We ended up sitting on a bench overlooking the creek and I ended up making out with her and feeling her up. In this situation, I knew this girl liked me, just from body language and her obvious move to isolate me. Even when we got to the bench she was leaning into me, the signs couldn't have been anymore clear. That's as far as the night went, after that i walked her back to her apt( lives with 5 other girls) arm in arm, and making out before saying a good bye. I ended up seeing this girl a week later in which we had sex.

Second girl, met her at the same bar and she to could only stay for an hour or so. This girl was a little more reserved, and it took her more to open up. I'm realizing more and more that my fundamentals are really coming along because I wasn't trying to impress her just talk to her and not over compensate when i thought she wasn't into me. She did give me intense eye contact when she did look at me so i took that as a sign of interest. Her friend ended up coming in the bar to pick her up, so I chatted with them briefly before departing. As I was leaving she actually asked me if I wanted to hang out a few days later. We ended up meeting 3 days later and I had sex with her too.


Both these girls attend an Ivy League college where I'm temporarily staying so that is one reason I bent a little more to hang out even with the time constraints. These girls are all super busy with school work. I think its ok to not have sex with a girl on the first date if it just can't happen. Just work on being a cool guy that she enjoys talking to and being around and she will most likely meet up with you again. At the very least its good practice and work on your fundamentals and conversation skills. Also, this will depend on her sexual availability and how you actually do on the first date.

If you do get her out again, you need to make a move. Have a plan and stick to it. Be bold, lead, and get what you want.

Good luck.