Does Body Shape Matter?

[Grizzy11]

Hey everyone grizzy here, and I'm new to the forums. I found this site randomly, as I found myself not being able to hookup with women anymore after my last relationship ended 3 years ago. I'm very unsatisfied on how my single life has been these last 3 years. I only hooked up with 2 women since then. Comparing this to my other guy friends makes me feel like I am doing a lot of shit wrong, and it also makes me feel like I am basically abnormal. My guy friends who I hangout with get at least 1-2 hookups a week.

The one thing that I think is holding me back is my body. I am 5'9 130. I'm short, and skinny. For some reason built into my head this has lead to me not even trying to associate myself with women. I always feel inferior to other men, and I always feel like women are constantly looking down upon me like I am just a worthless short skinny guy not worthy of anything. Does body type have anything to do with the reason why I am unsuccessful with women, or is it all just in my head? A part of me wants to believe that I am unsuccessful because I am not trying to associate with women, and then there's the part of me that feels like I am failing because of my body.

I don't even really know if I am attractive to begin with. Women at my work sometimes give me attention, and some even say that I am sexy. All of my co-workers, and friends all have this perception of me that I am successful with women. When I am really not. One girl even told me that I'm just a heartbreaking player after we flirted for a little bit.

So why is it that I give off this aura while at work that gives other people the perception that I am indeed successful with women? Why is it that when I actually try to get women that I fail? I just always keep going back to my body, and its just a never ending cycle. I just want to be able to be confident all the time. I seriously just want to get past this whole body thing, and put all this depression in the past. I feel like if I get past this then I can start actively work towards getting better with women. Is there any articles I can read, or do I just need to change my thinking patterns? Any responses would be awesome, and helpful!

 

[Sophisticated Gent]

Grizzy,

I don't think your issue is your height but below are a couple articles. I think you are doing something else wrong.

https://www.girlschase.com/content/5-way ... reat-girls

https://www.girlschase.com/content/datin ... now-and-do

I suggest that start reading articles here that catch your eye. Once you've read some articles hit me back up with details of what goes on when you meet with women. There are guys here to help you.

BDSC

 

[ray_zorse]

Ahh well firstly man, own that body, get your shit into the gym, work on what you can change... get muscular, if you're skinny eat a lot of bananas and potatoes to put weight on while lifting a lot to ensure you don't get flabby, get a tattoo maybe, so you've got something about your body you want to show off, work on your body language, posture with shoulders back, standing straight, confident eye contact, sexy swaggering walk... this will add a lot of presence and make you seem bigger and more badass. Get most of your hair trimmed off, grow some badass facial hair (Chase suggests a soul patch and jawline chinstrap, this can look threatening on a bigger, heavier guy like myself but would be perfect if you actually need to look more dangerous)... check out the badboy biker look in some of the fashion posts here. Today I wore a pair of white cords, black Chelsea boots (that I condition and polish several times a week), a black belt, a faded khaki short sleeve shirt which is in an M size and pretty tight across my chest, and a recycled leather biker jacket (that I renovate with black furniture polish regularly to keep a nice matt sheen on the leather)... also some jewellery being a 7mm 24" curb link titanium chain with a coin hanging from it, a shiny copper watch with black leather band, some chunky tungsten rings and a couple of bracelets given to me by a gf (a bit feminine but goes with the white pants for a more metrosexual look). Just swap out the white pants for some faded and/or ripped jeans, take the shirt down to an S (if you're that skinny), lose the bracelets and you're a genuine badboy Do not go too grungy though -- pay meticulous attention to detail (all that polishing and leathercare etc) and consider dressing up the look with a white dress shirt or similar, so you're not a slob.

So that's some things you can do concretely to address your issue, but honestly mate it's all in your head, as you correctly pointed out you're overthinking shit and your current lack of results is due to not trying. You can always find some lame ass excuse why you're not succeeding, or you can just work to the best of your ability with what you're given

Ray

 

[Romy]

5'9' is short to you? Although 130 is a bit too low. I'm 5'7' 155. Get jacked up and you'll be fine.

 

[Skid]

This whole thing about your body holding your back is a limiting belief. Don't stop that from getting yourself a better body - but the fact that you truly believe its holding you back is bullshit. There is an article on gc on how muscles and a good body help you get women basically it says that all the benefits it gives you are indirect : Other guys will back off from the girl you're talking too because they see you as superior/ more alpha and it helps your inner game since you will have a better view of yourself. And obviously there are the women that melt to muscles which are far fewer than most guys realize. My experiences match this exactly - now I'm not the most jacked guy ever but I'm quite toned and when I had no social skills this did not help me with girls at all whatsoever. They didn't take a second look at me after we'd spoken - sometimes not even before that. People here are saying that you should get your body sorted - but I don't think that's your core problem its the limiting belief.

To be perfectly honest this sounds like victim mentality , there is a whole lot of you going on about how you're are not satisfied with your dating life for 3 years you've been single , you feel as though you are inferior to other men. Yet , no where do I see any attempts to explain what you've done to fix this for 3 years. I mean you haven't even said in this post that you've attempted to go to the gym to fix your body which is what you believe the problem to be.You also say that women have called you "sexy" and then you've done nothing about it but said oh , she will not like me because of my body then given up ; "One girl even told me that I'm just a heartbreaking player after we flirted for a little bit" - that's a huge sign on investment on her part and then after you complain about how girls don't like you when you didn't do anything to move forward with these girls - again big signs of victim mentality :you are protecting your ego you are too scared to fail. "I am unsuccessful because I am not trying to associate with women" , the answer is in your post. If you want women you have to be a man stop creating excuses and take action. You are using the excuse of its my body/I'm short - to stop yourself some trying.

Yeah , some of this may sound a bit harsh but I think you need some tough love dude. Like with everyone saying to you oh you must be so good with girls blah blah blah you're so amazing its really easy to be like oh this isn't my fault - it is. The way you break out of negative cycles is you do something different and by the sounds of it you haven't tried anything different for 3 years. Here are some articles that that I think will help you further and good luck!

Skid


https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-v ... luck-women - victim mentality


https://www.girlschase.com/content/truth ... tting-laid - muscles and getting laid

https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-m ... e-infinite - stop focusing on the things you can't control focus on the ones you can

 

[ray_zorse]

Great post from Skid, exactly what I was thinking but couldn't articulate properly. I guess we could devote a huge thread to the relative importance of body fundamentals vs. game, I started writing on this topic and changed my mind several times, but I think we all agree that the limiting beliefs are the issue here, not the body fundamentals.
Ray

 

[Michal]

Hi,
to try and answer your question why people think you are successful with girls... there was a saying that you become the average of 5 people that are the closest to you. So if all your buddies are hookup guys, you somewhat adopt their behaviour and body language. People are sponges and you "learn" (more like absorb) it subconsciously. If you look at them individually, I am sure you can find they have certain characteristics that you have too. You might share only 5 of them with each one which would make you and your 25 traits, mashed together in you yourself.

Also, I remember an article from Chase that guys that are good looking might have harder time with getting girls because they (girls) have these expectations about him being great with women so then as they chat him and see the mismatch between their expectations and reality, they get disappointed and leave quickly. Because you are incongruent. It is "off putting" maybe is the right word, because it sends a signal that what you do and say are two different things and it is harder to trust you maybe.

Body shape, the smaller you are, the quicker you will see results of your working out. I am lanky, and even if I had 180 pounds, with my 6'1", I would probably still look like I dont even lift. Just like Skid said, it is a limiting belief. And you can get rid of it in two ways (maybe more, but I know only these two):
1) You get buff, fix your insecurity this way and then you will see that it was not it. Unless you become so sexy and minimize your process so much that simple: "Hey, nice shoes, wanna fuck" will be enough for you to get laid. Which will probably happen only occasionally, but who knows. With right (horny) girls, it might work. But generally, everyone who got buff realized that muscles are nice but it is not about it.
2) You get successful with women as you are now. You will see that the belief holds its ground and your brain will erase it from your subconsciousness.

What I found is that there will be girls that like you and dislike you, but unless you take action and make something happen, it will not happen. Which probably is a result of our nature and nature of women. We are the aggressive sex and they are the passive one. So you might get to a point where you fixed everything about you and still dont get laid, it might simply mean that there is a problem in your process of leading the whole interatction and seduction to sex.