Does the validation you get from landing hot girls go away as you get older?

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

I noticed that when I was in high school and even early on in college, getting with a hot girl meant something more than just sex, it meant validation. It was my way of getting a good status among my friends, my circle, and it really added to the satisfaction. In my senior year of high school I slept with one of the better looking girls at my school and while the sex was meh, the amount of respect I received from my friends for sleeping with that girl really helped my confidence because of all the good things my friends told me.

I would go as far as to say that the validation I received from my friends and the respect that came with sleeping with or dating a hot girl was better than the sex or the relationship itself.

As I moved on to college I noticed it was still there. Then in the real world and life after college, I notice that sleeping with a hot girl means just that, sleeping with a hot girl.

The validation you get from it is completely gone. Even if you are a guy that dates a woman who happens to have model-like looks, you don't get that validation for it. You are simply dating a girl you are attracted to and no one really cares.

I guess this has to do with me having painful AFC days back in college where I was not getting any and then moving on from that and getting high quality women after college. It's like the validation you get from other guys and society for sleeping with or dating a hot girl is just as good as sleeping with the girl herself.

It just seems to go away for good after college which can be a good thing for most guys but for a guy like me it is like it energizes me to receive so many compliments for attracting hot women.

 

[Richard]

Pro,

You've brought up a good point.

I graduated from high school last year, and the validation you talk about seems to die as soon as high school is over. Validation loss is not a bad thing though.

In high school everyone is conscious (self-conscious to an extent) of how people perceive them, and they have a "status" to uphold. Maintaining their image in front of friends and circles is so much more important than the satisfaction of a good relationship, or good sex.

You can see how that's a bad thing though, right? If you're having great sex and you are happy with a relationship with a girl who isn't top-quality in high school, then you'll experience cognitive dissonance because of your "validation (friends thoughts of you with her)" and your actual happiness (how you feel being with that girl), and one is going to lose. Nine times out of ten, it's the relationship that ends because of "validation"

As you age, you start to care less and less about what people think of you, and you no longer need validation in your choices and decisions. While those who continually need validation usually live without confidence, and are afraid to do things that may conflict with validation even if it is something that you love.

But, "validation" is actually innate in all of us, as it is a metaprogram that all people have: internal and external frames of reference.

Ask someone when they know they’ve succeeded:
*Is it when they get a pat on the back and external recognition, or when they just feel good about something (internal).
*When a person is internal, it doesn’t matter how many external factors work in his favor, he won’t feel something is special unless he feels it inside himself.

So, while you appreciate the validation by friends in your sexual prowess, it may bite you if you find someone you actually care about, and that person conflicts with friend's validation.

-Richard