Does this sound like a good plan to get back with ex?

[Pearlydoors]

I’m in my late 20s and she’s in her mid 20s. I was seeing her for 7 months. We started as FWB but she caught feelings; I liked her too but I took my time and stalled commitment because I was still playing the field but I knew I liked her. I clearly screwed up here.

The sex was great. I gave her tons of orgasms, she would rave about it all the time, she would cook for me unprompted etc; she is awesome.

She told me few days ago that she’s having a lot stress about going to med school, planning her life, reevaluating her priorities and wasn’t sure she wanted to continue seeing me because I wasn’t committing to her.

I told her that I take responsibility for this and that I saw her as a good partner the whole time and I shouldn’t have been dragging my feet. She appreciated the honesty but said it was too late.

I think this was an obvious case of me making myself seem unattainable which drove her into auto rejection.. I think there is still some emotional attachment so my plan is the following:

1. Give her ~2 weeks to cool off.
2. Contact her and ask if she would be down to get dinner.
3. If she meets up then I will catch up with her and reiterate that I do want a serious relationship.
If she doesn’t meet up, I will buy flowers and write love songs … kidding I’d just move on.

Thoughts?

 

[topcat]

I shouldn’t have been dragging my feet.

You went wrong right here bud.

This wasn’t her getting upset for you not committing quickly enough, this was her ploy to get you off your back foot and get you to start committing. She was stress testing you to gain intelligence on your mentality. You admitted fault in that you were dragging your feet. This paints you an indecisive man (unattractive) and one who isn’t in control of his actions (unattractive) which gave her the confidence to tell you it’s too late..

To course correct, let her go. If she confronts you expecting some level of commitment from, you affirm the position that you do like her, but also like where the relationship was and that if she needs commitment she should go and find that. Then wish her the best.

She’ll be back. At which point you continue as usual and stealthily escalate things in response to her good behaviour, if commitment is in fact what you do want.

Let her go for now..

 

[Mali]

I don't know what is your position and long term vision with this girl, but I would seriously think about what she told you here:

She told me few days ago that she’s having a lot stress about going to med school, planning her life, reevaluating her priorities and wasn’t sure she wanted to continue seeing me because I wasn’t committing to her.

It looks like she's already half broke up with you, she is planning to go to med school. Med school will keep her very busy for the next 4 years plus 3 years after in residency. She is not a dummy, she knows she will meet many potential future good partners and providers with good income in med school and afterwards. I don't know what is your position, income or long term plans, but looking at what she told you she is definitely planning big life changes. She is reevaluating her priorities, meaning she is planning to leave you and aiming to eventually date what she considers high quality man and tie him down to long term relationship. She will want family in couple of years, maybe sooner. You are hanging here on the cliff, I wouldn't be surprised if she already broke up with you (in her mind). She may really love you and want to be with you, she may enjoy sex and being with you, but she is planning her future differently. That's a lot of stress, many many life changes at once.

If I were you and assuming that you care about her, I would get serious. Not everything is a game, there are not techniques you could use to fix it. She is not playing, she told you honestly what is she thinking and planning. Her biological clock is ticking and she will look for highest available provider for her within the next 5-10 years, she is setting up the path for her to have family. I would sit down and have an honest and open discussion about future, see where you stand and how or if she sees you in her future.