Does Your First Time Matter To You?

[TheWiseFool]

Do you remember the first time you ever had sex with a woman? If you remember, do you regret? I know there is an article here on this website about not feeling regret after a lay, but is it as important to you as it is to me, someone who doesn't forget easily and thus, puts effort into making life milestones pleasant in memory? Is there a frame of mind someone can give me to transform my first experience from something so important into something more manageable?

 

[BarryS1]

Lost mine last month, but did not have any regretful feelings - just a spike of endorphins! Got emotional a couple hours afterwards, but I had to keep saying to myself:

I had to have sex for building a skillset and have fun. I am 22 and WAY behind on dating experience for guys my age.

I was not in a committed relationship with her, but entered a casual relationship afterwards. The girl I had sex with just blew any other girl I had met out of the water (because I had no dating experience before this site). The experience was manageable because I had a connection beforehand with the girl because she had the same priorities as me (despite being 8 years older): work, classes, fitness, being outdoors, ect. I was satisfied with the type of person I lost it too.

I suppose my frame of mind was twofold:

-(Why I should have sex) I had to loose it fast.
-(Type of girl) Lost it to the most high-caliber girl I ever met.

What was your frame of mind?

 

[Franco]

TWF,

I know there is an article here on this website about not feeling regret after a lay, but is it as important to you as it is to me, someone who doesn't forget easily and thus, puts effort into making life milestones pleasant in memory?

I think the simple answer to this question is that you should be putting less importance on making your first experience a memorable one. It sounds a bit harsh, but you need to see it in a different light. For example, going off of Chase's "basketball metaphors," if I were to say that I was going to put you in your first basketball game you've ever played in your life with a bunch of people who've been playing for 5+ years, do you think the game would be memorable? Probably not.

Now, that's not to say you might get lucky and make a few unexpected shots that helps your team win the game, but chances are that you're not going to be able to keep pace with people who have been doing it for an extended period of time. But, if your goal was instead to become extremely good at basketball in five years and not to make your first game memorable, then you've just taken a big step toward achieving that goal. You've competed in your first basketball game -- you know what it looks like, you know what it feels like, and, probably most importantly, you recognize how many things you need to improve upon.

The only reason that you could possibly place importance on your first time having sex is that society has "trained" you to believe that your first time should be memorable (which is unfortunate because it causes men to be "frightened" by it). So, instead of placing importance on something that is just an "ordinary" milestone in a process that has many milestones, you should be placing more importance on improving yourself to the point that you want to be at after reading this material. You'll find that if you place too much importance on anything in seduction other than focusing on the goal of making yourself better, you'll get too hung up on the failures -- and those failures should actually be learning experiences rather than memories you dwell on forever.

I've covered this topic somewhere on the boards before, so I won't go into too much more detail, but my first time was certainly nothing memorable. In fact, the only times I ever even think about my first time having sex are when I see people post about it on this board (haha)! I've largely forgotten about it because I'm a completely different person seeing much higher quality women than I was back then, so those memories of mine have largely been put on the back burner. So once you get to a point where the experiences you are having are at a much higher level than anything you were doing when you were starting, you'll largely lose any interest in caring about those milestones that will seem much smaller once you're a whole new person.

I hope this helps!

- Franco

 

[Grand Pooba]

Do you remember the first time you ever had sex with a woman? If you remember, do you regret? I know there is an article here on this website about not feeling regret after a lay, but is it as important to you as it is to me, someone who doesn't forget easily and thus, puts effort into making life milestones pleasant in memory? Is there a frame of mind someone can give me to transform my first experience from something so important into something more manageable?

The first three times I ever had sex were extremely memorable just in the situation and ways in which they happened. Let's just say that they were all in very unique settings outside of a bedroom. However, at the same time I look back now and realize that I had no idea what I was really doing.

Looking back at these, as cool as they were, I feel I've garnered far more experience since then and delivered the goods in far more meaningful, tactical and pleasurable ways that I value far, far more than those first times. While cool, the first times are pretty insignificant now because I've come way further in my understanding and experiences, and skill, since then, and I've been with far more meaningful and beautiful women since.

In a way it's memorable to note when and how you started, but I'd say it's even more memorable to see how much further you've come since then as you build your skill and experiences. I thus agree with Franco and Barry that you really shouldn't place too much importance on the first time or first few times.

 

[TheWiseFool]

Barry,

Lost mine last month, but did not have any regretful feelings - just a spike of endorphins! Got emotional a couple hours afterwards

Congrats man. I definitely understand the huge influx of endorphins haha. That is something I should keep in mind cos that does feel awesome. The part that worries me the most is the aftermath. Although I have developed my emotional intelligence, I do have a slight fear in the back of my mind of getting attached to someone, regardless of the fact that I went into it thinking, "It's just sex. Just part of the learning process. You need to do this to 'level up' and progress". But reading your post REALLY helped me out a lot cos I certainly like older women, although I am 21, and women with long legs (which means they are usually taller than me cos I'm 5'6).

I suppose my frame of mind was twofold:

-(Why I should have sex) I had to loose it fast.
-(Type of girl) Lost it to the most high-caliber girl I ever met.

What was your frame of mind?

This is quite interesting. My frame of mind currently is that I feel like I am in no rush, but I know I NEED to develop the experience now for later on in life when I want to get married. Reading your post and mulling over my thoughts, I go back to an experience when I was under some perception altering substances and think, "Live life not for yourself, but for others. What happens to you doesn't matter. How can you make their lives better? Give them the experience that they want. Make them happy." When I apply that to women, things become much more optimistic and make acting easier because there is less focus on the self, but on others, particularly women. Giving them the "experience of a life time" by doing the best that you can do for them. When I frame my mind like that... man... that is certainly liberating. My problem is that i think about these things when I am outside of a situation that calls for me to apply my knowledge. I think about what James Bond was saying to the girl in Quantum of Solace who was seeking revenge on the guy who killed her family and set her house on fire.

Bond: "Have you ever killed someone? Your training will tell you that when the adrenaline kicks in you should compensate... but part of you isn't going to believe the training because this kill is personal. Take a deep breath, you only need one shot. Make it count."

The quote certainly stresses the importance of experience, which I am currently failing to do because of my current frame of mind.http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20081117175221AAYaFfQ I just need to work on triggering the new frame of mind I just typed up as well as remembering and carrying out my process as Franco reminded me in another post.

Thanks for the post. I certainly helps a lot cos I just turned 21.


Franco,

I think the simple answer to this question is that you should be putting less importance on making your first experience a memorable one. It sounds a bit harsh, but you need to see it in a different light. For example, going off of Chase's "basketball metaphors," if I were to say that I was going to put you in your first basketball game you've ever played in your life with a bunch of people who've been playing for 5+ years, do you think the game would be memorable? Probably not.

That is so true, I actually laughed out loud. My first race ever certainly was not memorable, (my best friend ditched me the last 100 meters to make himself look good, what a bastard... bahaha). Anyways, I did have my fair share of shitty races back when I did track and XC in high school. But by my senior year, I was winning medals and had my fair share of plaques even when I missed a PR or knew I wasn't going to perform well.

Now, that's not to say you might get lucky and make a few unexpected shots

so true... so true... pieces falling perfectly into a position where all I have to do is say yes has happened one, too, many times. I always end up backing out, unfortunately. Apologies for getting sidetracked.

But, if your goal was instead to become extremely good at basketball in five years and not to make your first game memorable, then you've just taken a big step toward achieving that goal. You've competed in your first basketball game -- you know what it looks like, you know what it feels like, and, probably most importantly, you recognize how many things you need to improve upon.

The basketball reference really helps a lot... from my response to Barry, this is something I don't necessarily want to do, but NEED to do because it helps me with something else later down the line. I relate this to how I did not want to run XC back in high school (I mean how many kids want to run 3 miles everyday, let alone have fun doing it), but did it because I was told by my middle school coach that XC would help with my 800m time. I think the one piece of the puzzle I am missing is FORCING myself to approach women, just as I forced myself to come to practice everyday rather than giving up because XC is "too hard". But my efforts to work hard and work smart paid off in the long run.

I would quote the rest of your post, but I kept having epiphany after epiphany. I'm glad I posted this.

In a way it's memorable to note when and how you started, but I'd say it's even more memorable to see how much further you've come since then as you build your skill and experiences. I thus agree with Franco and Barry that you really shouldn't place too much importance on the first time or first few times.

I most certainly agree and understand that now. It definitely helps to get feedback from more experience people rather than trying to work such things out by myself. Really glad I was able to put this out there and get some honest feedback. Really though not having a figure in your life who can openly talk about such things.

Thanks guy, seriously. I really appreciate this post haha.
- TWF

 

[trashKENNUT]

TheWiseFool,

Do you remember the first time you ever had sex with a woman? If you remember, do you regret?

Chase noted the first time is always awkward. You can ask all the guys here or anyone, i believe. They will likely say the same things.

Zac

 

[PrettyDecent]

TWC,

Just adding on to the good info here - I have a personal thing about the "first time being special".

Back in my earlier high school days, years before I learned of "game" or GC, there was a cute girl I'd somehow gotten to have romantic feelings toward me (I had long hair, and had this "rocker"-rebel type reputation, so some girls just gravitated toward me without my effort). We never did anything sexually; I was deathly afraid of kissing or trying anything sexually related. I had a comfort zone with no intentions to leave. Anyway, a few months into this "romance", she started talking to me about sexual things. Later she started talking about how horny she was. Even later she started to tell mutual friends of ours that she wanted, put cleanly, my "member inside of her"....and....I didn't go for it. I wanted my first time to be really special. So she ended up with someone else, and I remained a virgin for another 3 years (a few months ago). In any case, my first time was kind of funny, but definitely not something to have waited for.

So yeah, moral of the story: have fun instead of abstinence

~Nick

 

[NaturallySmooth]

It doesn't matter (maybe because i was super drunk and don;t remember too much of it), but I was SUPER happy the next day. I kept saying to myself "yeah you just had sex. YOU DID"

It felt awesome, but the actual sex was subpar