Doesn't increasing attainability clash with chasing and being nondominant male?

[razir110]

Gents

This is a very thin line we are walking here.

I just read the article on attainability. It seems to say that you have to make yourself more attaibanle.

I am not a fan of playing hard to get.. But doesn't being attainable mean being no fun, not a challenge and becoming uninteresting ti girls? If you have a dominant attitude, you a sure of yourself, you dress well, you have life experience, well this WHO YOU ARE so why should you bring your status down to please somebody?

I am pretty proud guy and I quite reserved so I think it transmits an unattainable image of me, but doesn't it actually make the girls more interested? Like "this guy is hard to get to" and when I talk to them and open up a bit they become interested and pleased! Or I am wrong here?

If her self esteem is low or she thinks you are too much for her then is it worth the trouble to somehow play being lower than you are? Plus WOMEN ARE PROFESSIONAL LIE DETECTORS they will notice that something changed in your attitude and that you are pretending something.

What is your take here?

 

[Michal]

Re: Doesn't increasing attainability clash with chasing and being nondominant ma

... so why should you bring your status down to please somebody?
...

It is about calibration. You do that to get what you want because very rarely in life you get everything from a person or a business partner without fulfilling any of their demands / wants / needs. And if you do, you gain an unwanted reputation of a buldozer or unempathetic, selfish person. So it is up to you, really.

Imagine you meet a girl and you are immediatelly interested in her, she is exactly your type physically and she gives you hints, so you go on a date and realize you do not meet a girl like this, with this kind of personality that often. But on the date, something shifts, she gets to her head that she would not be able to hold onto you so she puts on breaks and tries to withdraw from you emotionally... and then physically also. And one thing leads to another, she goes cold and you miss your chance and never hear from her again.
You might think "who gives a shit, if she cannot handle me the way I am why should I bother". You dont have to bother, nobody is forcing you to... but it is similar as if you went to job interviews and instead of your accomplishments and experiences on projects you talked about your failures and missteps. And thought "well if employers cannot recognize my talents to hanfle adversity why should I work for them!" "There are so many other employers!"

So again, the golden question -- are you getting the results you want with the kinds of women you want?
- if yes, great, keep going.
- if not, something needs to change / improve.

P.S. keep in mind you can become more (or less too) of a challenge with one gesture / look / sentence.

 

[razir110]

Re: Doesn't increasing attainability clash with chasing and being nondominant ma

Hi Michal,

Thank you for your feedback.

Hum perhaps (for sure) there is an ego issue from side here.. I really don't like to please people.

How do you feel about it? There is no right or wrong answer here I guess, but would you feel comfortable to do the "job interview" thing with a girl? To sort of adapt yourself to suit her?

Just imagine a girl goes cold on me. I persist. She keeps cold. Well then I out of it, I won't be trying to please her.

We are on a date. She is not interesting. I will still try to take her to bed, but I won't be trying to build rapport with her for long term.

Would you relate to this?

Cheers!

 

[Hue]

Re: Doesn't increasing attainability clash with chasing and being nondominant ma

I am not a fan of playing hard to get.. But doesn't being attainable mean being no fun, not a challenge and becoming uninteresting ti girls? If you have a dominant attitude, you a sure of yourself, you dress well, you have life experience, well this WHO YOU ARE so why should you bring your status down to please somebody?

Bruddah, you don't have to lower your value to raise your attainability. You raise your attainability by bringing her up to your value level, or at least making her feel that you feel this way about her. You make her feel like SHE is worth it. Your inherent / displayed value doesn't change (unless you fuck up / do something to shift her initial understanding of you). You don't have to bring your status down to bring her up.

I am pretty proud guy and I quite reserved so I think it transmits an unattainable image of me, but doesn't it actually make the girls more interested? Like "this guy is hard to get to" and when I talk to them and open up a bit they become interested and pleased! Or I am wrong here?

So you have an understanding that you are hard to get, not you're playing hard to get.

An initial assessment of a guy like that might be, "this guy is out of my league", but then you do things like

- Approaching them
- Giving them genuine compliments
- Showing subtle interest in them (not enough to chase)
- Qualifying them

and they start to feel they are in your league. It's a balance though, because if you do this too much then you're chasing, or you've inflated her ego to thinking you're actually not as valuable as she initially thought (she's out of your league).

If her self esteem is low or she thinks you are too much for her then is it worth the trouble to somehow play being lower than you are? Plus WOMEN ARE PROFESSIONAL LIE DETECTORS they will notice that something changed in your attitude and that you are pretending something.

What is your take here?

Yes women can smell if you're not being genuine. Which is why it's much better to give them genuine / specific compliments (it could be like, "your shirt really matches your eyes" or "the aesthetic of your outfit caught my eye" or "so you are pretty in tune to your emotions then?" [last one is a cold read that qualifies her]) that fit the context of your conversation to bring her up to your level. That's what qualifying is. It makes her feel special / good / appreciated.

We are on a date. She is not interesting. I will still try to take her to bed, but I won't be trying to build rapport with her for long term.

If the girl's not interesting, but you still want the sport fuck, just lead, handle logistics, and do what you can to make her feel comfortable. Here's one of Hector's videos on Compatibility VS Results, I think this will help you understand things better.

Try and read over your last few posts a couple times if you're not getting the bigger picture of what some people are talking about in these threads and Chase's articles. It might take some time to get a real understanding of these concepts and dynamics.


Best of luck,

Hue