Doing boyfriend things - What to call her?

[Dylweed]

I have a girlfriend now, my first one ever, and i want to be a good boyfriend. I'm not afraid of losing her, i know she really likes me cuz i chose her from abundance. However i don't wanna be a cold distant boyfriend. I want her to feel special.

I've never called a girl any cute names before, just always use their real name. Its going to probably feel weird for me at first but what do you guys call your girlfriends other than their name?

Also do you surprise them with gifts?

Text them goodnight or goodmorning?

These are things ive never done and ive had fuck buddy's fall in love with me, im not trying to use these as a technique, just trying to see what other guys who are good with girls are as boyfriends, thanks!

 

[ray_zorse]

I generally call my girls either "honey" or "darling", but I wouldn't necessarily recommend this as a technique, it's what I became comfortable with pre GC. So comfortable in fact that I occasionally call my mum or my sister that in conversation by mistake, haha. I suggest to not sweat it and to do whatever is comfortable, preferably using a pet name related to some in-joke or something, like I remember my first live in GF and I used to call each other "the bear" for some unknown reason.

What I can recommend though, is using terms of endearment as liberally as you use touch, e.g. you chat with the waitress, as you're leaving give her some solid EC, a smile and some touch if she's in proximity and say "bye darling!"... assuming familiarity is a very powerful technique which is useful in all sorts of situations. When I introduce myself as "Raymond" and they immediately shorten it to "Ray" and use it liberally in conversation I immediately think "I like this person. He/she is friendly and confident (casually dismisses social fears)."

Send good morning / good night texts -> NO, NO, NO... that's needy, insecure and chasey. From a girl this kind of behaviour is expected and desirable. From a man it's not. Instead you let her do these things and respond warmly when she does, as if you were busy doing some work and she's just reminded you that your relationship is also important. If she does it regularly then after a few times you can reward her investment by initiating yourself at a time she'd likely be thinking of you.

Buy her gifts -> NO, at least not initially. I would recommend to only buy a gift on her birthday or Christmas and even then, do not go overboard. For my girlfriends' last birthdays I spent about $30 each (girl 1: a feathered bangle that I noticed the preceding week because it was exactly her style, girl 2: a mobile battery charger I mailordered b/c she was often running out of battery during the day), BUT, I personalized the gifts in ways that took a lot of time and effort (girl 1: a hand calligraphed birthday card with intimate sentiments, girl 2: a complicated cake that I baked while she was at work and surprised her with, with balloons and candles and a small group of ppl who care about her, when she came in after work). Expensive gifts look like you're trying to buy affection, whereas personalized gifts show you care (girl 1: she's sometimes insecure about the r/ship so I thought she would appreciate the card, girl 2: she's living far from home and has no family to make a fuss over her, so if I didn't do it, it would've just been another tiring workday for her, a horrible feeling).

If she buys you gifts you must thank her warmly and be sure to use the gift and remark on it frequently with strong EC and touch to show your appreciation. And needless to say give her lots of good sex, particularly on her birthday, remember YOU are the best present you could possibly give, you sexy man If you must give her gifts, do it as part of leading and organizing interesting experiences for her, for instance I bought my GF a football jersey in our team colour when she accepted my invitation to a football game. Also restaurant meals etc.

Remember that when she starts to pull away the temptation is to text her more, give gifts etc... DON'T!!! But do remember to do those things occasionally when she's being a good girl and to constantly praise her and show appreciation for everything she does! And read GC articles about being non reactive and handling drama, and tests. If you do this right your relationship will be in great shape for the long haul.

She will constantly test you, you need to always be aware of what precedent you are setting, e.g. once I decide to make love to my girl on any given occasion, it happens no matter what (some truly epic struggles have ensued from this but she has always submitted eventually, even if I had to get creative with spankings, takeaways and so forth). This is because given my terrible experiences in marriage and other r/ship I am determined never to set a precedent that she can decide when we have sex. I also make love to my girls every single day, every time we hang out, no matter what, for the same reason -- relationship is ALL about precedent, and dare I say it, operant conditioning. Train her that Dylweed = sex, sex = Dylweed. Then you have all sorts of happy associations helping you out

Ray

 

[Smith]

Good advice from Ray. I've literally done all the things he said you shouldn't have done haha, and they all resulted in painful heartbreaks. I recommend reading through some of Ricardas's relationship management articles. My favourite rule is the "minus one" rule. Whatever she does, your investment is always slightly less. In the initial stage of your relationship, setting frames are extremely important and it will decide how your relationship is going to run in the future. That's where the "minus one" rule comes into play.

Another thing I want to mention is - don't be afraid to show her how you feel at times. You're in a relationship now, you don't want to keep thinking about how to one up her. You are on the same team! remember that! But in the initial stage, you want to let things run naturally while guiding things in a direction you want to go. This means, don't suddenly do all the "boyfriend things" now just because you're in a relationship. Do them as the opportunity presents themselves. If you suddenly change your behaviour and text her "goodnight" and buy her gifts....she's going to feel something's off.

With regards to nicknames and stuff, don't force it. If you don't feel congruent calling her "baby, darling, sweetie", then don't. There's no rules regarding nickname. Ideally, nicknames should come up naturally in the conversation when you're hanging out with her, so it has good emotion attach to it.

I would say setting the precedent during the initial stage of a relationship is the toughest. If you want lots of sex, do that every time you hang out! She's going to test you at times, like Ray mentioned, but if you could maintain your frame and outcome independence, you'll have a smooth, drama-free relationship.
Anyway, I'm happy for you man! You'll find that relationship have its own challenges, but it can be fun and rewarding.

 

[Dylweed]

Cool thanks a lot guys! Sounds like ive been doing everything right and no need to change it up.

I have never been initiating contact, unless ask her to hangout. I have been texting her more than any fuck buddy ive ever had though, she likes to initiate text convo's and i usually warmly respond to her texts unless im busy. I dont see anything wrong with that, i think its fun. And i haven't got her one gift yet although ill get her something not too expensive on her bday in a couple weeks.

Interesting though, seems like a monogamous relationship isn't even that much different than a fuck buddy. Anyways i probably wont start calling her any cute pet names because it just feels weird to me, unless she really asks me to, which she might. Or maybe itll feel natural one day for me, idk.

 

[HippertyHopperty]

As far as verbally opening up. I reccomend avoiding that as long as possible. Lots of, "I love you's" and "you're so beautiful"s and shit like that will make you weak. It's when she gets those things very occasionally and from a really strong frame that's when she feels special. If she asks you to verbally open up more or is needy in that regard explain to her that you don't care much for words, you're about action, and if she can't tell that you care from actions what's the point in saying it.

Regarding verbally opening up are we just talking about saying stuff like "i love you" or are we also talking about building a deeper connection with the girl? Because I would personally like to do the latter with a gf. If you don't ever verbally open up is she not going to eventually think that you are emotionally vacant as well? There must be a line to walk on this. Remaining aloof, but opening up every so often once shes put significant investment (more than you have) in.

Cheers,

HipHop

 

[Sophisticated Gent]

We I was about 19 my mother gave me a book on how to treat women. I read about two pages and stopped. It basically was on how to kiss their ass. I was like there is no way I am going to do this. I have been married for 31 years because I stand my ground every day. I did it this morning. I told her I was going to the gym on my way home and she wasn't pleased because I haven't been home the last 3 days. I just ignored the look and left. 31 years and I still have to set the frame. You always have to be dominate.