Don't be Judgmental

[Nick]

Chase has covered this topic many times in his blog but learning to be truly nonjudgmental will go a long way for you both in social and dating contexts, especially when you're a beginner.

For most of my junior year and first-half of senior year in high school I was a pretty depressed individual. Now a freshman in college, I have seen huge improvements in my attitude and social life thanks to things like working-out, smiling and just plain not giving a shit...pardon my French.

I was able to develop a genuine laid-back personality by not judging ANYONE...especially GIRLS, until I've really met and understood them. (Even then, I'll still manage and won't openly critique characteristics of a person I don't particularly like.) Girls today have enough to worry about, what with their silly social pressures and being called a slut or what have you, so don't waste your breath and time (remember you're an interesting, busy, sexy man!) trying to reconstruct their problems in a more logical way. ITS YOUR JOB AS HER LOVER TO GIVE HER A UNIQUE EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL EXPERIENCE THAT MAKE HER PROBLEMS WORTH LIVING THROUGH.

I believe girls kinda think like this: "Ugh! I have to deal with so many annoying jerks and my friends hardly help! But [insert your name here] is so amazing, he never judges me and I can just be myself!" This might seem childish and silly to you, but these emotional experiences really are important to girls; just like football, blowing stuff up and quantum physics are important to you.

Now make sure you always keep your sexy vibe on! When I say be nonjudgmental, I'm not saying be the nice guy that agrees with everything she says. Be the guy that elicits sexual opinions out of a girl and then let her know that you're game...make sure you're subtle though

To conclude, if you want to sleep with lots of women you're going to need be a true lover of women. Don't judge, get to know them all and talk to them about THEIR feelings toward sex! (Don't disgust her right away with your opinions on sex....hahaha ) The more hands-on knowledge you get on the female psyche on sex, the more you'll be able to use this information to your benefit when you are seducing other girls. I believe by doing this, you will be able to seamlessly move your seductions in such a way, the girl will be able to say "It just happened." (With a naughty smile on her face)

Now this is all still very theoretical for me. Yes, I do have experience with this, but I'm just starting to really implement these ideas. So please give me your input and opinions....I won't judge...lol

All Good, All the Time,
Nick

 

[Eric]

This this this this.

It doesn't matter if someone makes unhealthy choices, if they are rude, if they talk smack about others. Don't be judgemental, it really helps with your responses from women. I keep telling my friends.. stop negging / teasing so much, it really just sets up a battling kind of vibe, rather than a sexy "I'm going to sweep you off your feet".

And also, I've had to learn that you can't forcibly change someone (well you can but it sucks), you have to lead by example.

 

[Just_Dave]

All the information from you guys is valid and getting the girl on your team goes a long way. By listening and building upon what she says and does, you'll be able to win her heart every time.

 

[nino]

Good post Nick and definitely true, I experienced kinda the same. Being nonjudgmental helped my last relationship grow and it helps now with girls I occasionally see, or even with strangers.
This is especially true in clubs and with drunk girls. They all know that they're drunk and that they can do whatever they want but keeping their face is pretty deep in them and what I found was that they are quite dismissive to sober guys. Now I stopped the habit of getting totally wasted, I usually just drink a little bit to help me gain some confidence and what I found was that if a girl tells you she's drunk she wants you to be too but less then her.

A couple of observations I made: when you say you're sober, she thinks you're using her current state to your advantage. When you say you're too drunk she doesn't believe you can take care of her. When you, however, make the impression that you have still control (I guess that goes well together with being a strong and/or dominant man) while being a little more relaxed and non critical, heck even in the risk of doing something embarrassing yourself, she feels so much more comfortable while having faith in you, and then everything's easy.

Anyway, to make a long story (which is a bit off topic as well, I apologize) short, being nonjudgmental goes hand in hand with connecting with women and making them feel comfortable around you. I think it's a nice tool to open the gates for moving fast. So yeah, very valuable post about this topic, thanks!

 

[Yankees224]

I agree wholeheartedly. Being nonjudgmental in general is quite helpful in life, you never know when that dude with the funny hat or that girl with the funny shoes(or whatever the case is) could open up brand new opportunities for you such as a job or friendship or relationship etc. In addition, just clearing your head of judgemental thoughts helps you look at the world a bit clearer and you don't pay much attention to that stuff(I say the less I have on my mind when picking up girls the better). Having that open mind(and not having your nonverbals look that much more odd since you're not judging everything) helps with your vibe in turn.

Sometimes it's tempting to be judgmental(I've seen a host of peculiar people just at work alone), so if I ever have a thought pop up in my head I'll just take a deep breath and try to ignore it, and if worst comes to worst and it's still there, I make sure not to actually say it. It's offputting to hear judgmental statements sometimes, e.g. I had one of my friends call some random girl a slut just because she was wearing some boots or something, and it just kind of rubbed me the wrong way. I can only imagine how much worse it'd be for a girl to hear that.

 

[Nova]

Its an interesting topic. I think being nonjudgmental is very important to a certain degree (there are boundaries that can be overstepped). What I find interesting is that if you actually take time to listen and understand someone you really begin to connect and uncover the reasons as to why they do or say certain things, and you begin to empathize with their actions, you see that if you were that person you would probably have said/did the exact same things. Most people act and judge straight away without even trying to understand and I believe that the act of acting in haste is what causes so many problems not just in seduction but in general, around the world.

Its very important to stay nonjudgmental at least until you have understood the reasons behind an act.

 

[Thinkingenigma]

All of this is very true. I used to be an extremely judgmental person, but when I was placed in a position to where I was bearing the brunt of other people's judgment and had to work myself past it, I became extremely non-judgmental almost overnight, and it happened naturally to boot. It's funny how being in a situation that you had previously judged others for (in my case, being judged), can completely change your attitude towards things.

 

[Chase]

Nova,

Its very important to stay nonjudgmental at least until you have understood the reasons behind an act.

Great note here.

This is also one that's really useful to use when you're getting drama in relationships, or you get a weird reaction from some girl you're talking to because you went a little overboard in sharing something she wasn't ready to hear. When she starts closing off, or freaking out, you can simply say, "Do you want to judge me, or do you want to know why I did that?" Almost everyone cools down and lets you talk at that point, and once they understand the reasoning behind why you did something, their perspectives almost always change.

Of course, you've got to understand the reasoning yourself to properly communicate it. But I think most guys on the boards here are pretty self-aware.

Chase

 

[trashKENNUT]

BUMP!