Don't kill yourself with not trusting people/teacher

[trashKENNUT]

A Great Teacher needs a Great Student. His apprentice or his successor, so that the teacher will one day be a mentor and play the more passive role rather than the aggressive+passive role the student takes.

You might ask why.

IT is because we, humans, are not always correct, most of the time. Correct means what we do in a certain environment is working. Every environment, or you would call situation, is different. Coupled that with our human deficiencies, it makes us have lapses in thought, overlook, impractical and at times, miss the point. So how does one find a great teacher?

One that resonates himself with you, most of the time, objectively and emotionally. (Layman terms, Know where his student is and guiding him) and i emphasize "most of the time" because it's practically impossible to be perfect.

I find something intriguing with GIrlschase and also advices with people in general. Advices from legitimate source, Legitimate source means one that is reliable and has been in the industry for awhile or they have done some great jobs so far by resonating with what customers want or/and achieving standards that receive medals, certificates from Recognized organizations. And "Recognized" means going back to the second sentence i just wrote.

Some advices that Chase give or some of the "higher ups" give advices here, and at times, the student or the reader that wants to learn finds himself critics, wondering if the advice is legit, or wondering what the "higher ups" are smoking, literally. This is essentially good. You want to always be on top of your game. You want to have critics, at times, because when you know a lot of things, and when you being asked, it helps reminding what and why are there for, and if you're a teacher, it reemphasize what you learn. It keeps you consistent. But i feel people in general, have this tendency to lean towards the negative side for some reason. Not trusting people, having this "me against the world" mentality. IT happens not just here but everywhere!

You don't want to be that. Why? It wears you off, and you never learn or try anything. Worse still, you feel like shit.

Find somebody that resonates with you most of the time, objectively and emotionally. Don't follow blindly, Don't question what you eat all too often either. It just kills momentum, and your positive feelings too.

Zac

 

[Richard]

Zac -
This sounds like a speech rather than a post That being said though, I hope more people read this, because, it is entirely true. I find that in walks of life a great teacher will make himself available to you seemingly out of nowhere. A great teacher who resonates in you almost cannot be sought and is instead found without knowing it. For me, as far as women go, Light is the man who is most like myself, and gives me the most sound advice for me particularly. Also, my Karate teacher is a lot like myself, presents things in a way that makes me want to learn, and gives me the drive to continue With logic, or general advice, I turn to my friend Dave who is more my dad than my actual father, he has gone through everything I have and will, and gives the best advice for whatever I need. Now, with all of these people, I didn't look for them, I simply found them out of the blue.

Great article Zac, really great stuff here,
Richard

 

[Chase]

Zac-

Good thoughts here.

I've been meaning to do a post on "being a great student" or "how to find a mentor." I'm a huge fan of learning as many valuable things that I can, and I've found that - at least for me - a good mentor shaves years off your learning curve and dramatically accelerates your progress. So a lot of what I've done since early on was learn how to be the perfect student/mentee.

A big part of that has been "do whatever the teacher tells you to do and never fight with the teacher." As a result of this, I've attracted a lot of really talented, wonderful mentors who have brain dumped incredible amounts of carefully acquired wisdom into me, often things they did not share with ANYONE else. I never criticized; the only thing I would ask would be, "Why do we do this - what's the real goal we're trying to accomplish?" or, "I'm not sure I follow - can you clarify a bit more how to do that?" and then I'd repeat it back to them once I had it, and then I'd go do it, even when it felt scary or off-the-mark. Then I'd report back with results and ask for further clarification - sometimes I'd find out I was doing it wrong or had grasped the concept wrong, and the mentor would fix it for me and I'd get back to it.

I met up with a guy recently who was pretty young and pretty inexperienced with women, but had read some GC stuff. We were talking about learning, and I said, "You know what the problem most people have with learning is, there are very few people willing to go to a teacher and say, 'Teach me to do what you can do. Tell me to do anything, and I will do it.'"

And he replied, "No - the RIGHT way to learn is to take insights from different people and use what you feel is good and make your own judgment calls."

I didn't bother giving him any more advice.

There's something in most people's heads that prevents them from fully opening up to learning new things, and thus prevents them from ever becoming all that good at most things. I suspect it's ego defense - if a guy admits that he's so clueless about something that he's going to do ANYTHING a mentor says, he's lowering his position below that of the mentor, and thus, moving down in the hierarchy.

To me though, the dedicated, sponge-like student is at a higher place than the stubborn guy who won't learn and doesn't WANT to learn. The dedicated student eventually becomes the accomplished master, while the stubborn guy more or less stays right where he is.

Chase

 

[Richard]

Chase, I'm in agreeance with you that being a sponge-like student is best. High school is actually the reason I started this in the first place because a single teacher did not give pre-written notes like most other high school teachers. She gave pHD grade lectures on ancient history, I had to become a sponge! and have since found its the best way to get the most information, provided you have the memory ability.

Anyway Chase, how does one go about getting a mentor with this kind of stuff? Aside from the website and forums I mean?

-Richard

 

[trashKENNUT]

I met up with a guy recently who was pretty young and pretty inexperienced with women, but had read some GC stuff. We were talking about learning, and I said, "You know what the problem most people have with learning is, there are very few people willing to go to a teacher and say, 'Teach me to do what you can do. Tell me to do anything, and I will do it.'"

And he replied, "No - the RIGHT way to learn is to take insights from different people and use what you feel is good and make your own judgment calls."

I didn't bother giving him any more advice.

There's something in most people's heads that prevents them from fully opening up to learning new things, and thus prevents them from ever becoming all that good at most things. I suspect it's ego defense - if a guy admits that he's so clueless about something that he's going to do ANYTHING a mentor says, he's lowering his position below that of the mentor, and thus, moving down in the hierarchy.

To me though, the dedicated, sponge-like student is at a higher place than the stubborn guy who won't learn and doesn't WANT to learn. The dedicated student eventually becomes the accomplished master, while the stubborn guy more or less stays right where he is.

Chase, it slaps my brain every time when others give advices and you, who have been there, can too at times, feel the pinch of his ego defense. The emotions you feel behind it,

IT happens with successful people or people who is already there. It's a blind spot. It's more or less saying that humans can't be perfect. Definitely it's more paranoia because most people who are there, truely there are more forgiving than most people.

I see what i can dig on this blindspot. One view, you drawing the line, generally positive. Another view, you labelled him as "other" because you know better. There's no good or bad. It's the tone when people are angered that their "mindset" is poke.

There's a saying "Be a flexible tree that can bend during the differences of time, rather than the stiff tree which is stubborn and doesn't achieve anything." Key here is objective.

Zac

 

[IHeartWomen]

Semi-off topic, but is there a place on this site that offers personal mentoring? Wouldn't mind getting some coaching. Paid or otherwise.

I live in NYC.

 

[Franco]

IHW,

Semi-off topic, but is there a place on this site that offers personal mentoring? Wouldn't mind getting some coaching. Paid or otherwise.

I believe this is what you are looking for:

GirlsChase Phone Consultation

- Franco

 

[Marty]

Zac,

Great post. I have benefited from some wonderful teachers during my life, especially in the areas of languages and music. Here's my take.

To qualify a teacher, I need two things to be true:

1) The teacher must be shockingly good at what he or she does. Not just better than me; so totally out of my league that I can barely comprehend it. I know when this happens for me, because when I witness that level of performance, it induces involuntary laughter; my abdomen and diaphragm tighten and an unavoidable smile comes to my lips... I start laughing, I can't help it and I can't stop. It's the feeling you get when a brilliantly talented and accomplished musician picks up your instrument, the one you've been struggling to produce fine music on, and makes sounds come out of it that you never imagined were possible... even seeing and hearing it, you can't quite appreciate where the heavenly sound is coming from. Chase's uncanny understanding of the female mind and four-digit record with women is an excellent example of this sensation.

2) The teacher must feel the struggle of the pupil; be able to predict where the next obstacle will lie; understand why one thing seems right, but isn't, and be able to explain it. In short, he or she must be a good teacher.

Given both of the above, the teacher is "qualified" and at that point I place myself in his or her hands. I suspend my disbelief, much in the same way as one would when starting to read a novel. Arguing with the teacher at this stage is as pointless as standing in front of a movie theater where a romantic comedy is showing, and telling everyone not to go see the movie, because none of it happened in reality.

I sit back and allow the teacher to take me on a journey. That journey may last weeks, months or years. Only when you return from the journey do you compare your notes on what you have learned with "reality". You may well find that reality, or at least your perception of it, is what has in fact changed.

-Marty

 

[trashKENNUT]

BUMP

 

[Man-O]

It's great with great teachers but when do you know you have one if you have never met one?

I tried hard to become professional in sports (handball) as I loved refining my technique, strength and speed and even after training I'd keep going at it but as I got older I realized I had met a lot of crappy trainers though my younger years and I had listened too much to them and it had devolved and even ruined some of the fun and improvement I had. But I first realized this when I got in what is a hot spot for creating talentful sportsmen, in my case a decent club for handball where they had decent trainers who gave an inner fire back. Needless to say, whenever I encountered a trainer who didn't have the charisma and talent for creating talent I didn't listen much to them and made my own training programs. Injury that made my knee swell due to the many hours of execise pr. day made me stop.

Short straw. Sometimes one shouldn't just listen to the "teacher" but also one self. It depends on the situation. If you do music there are certain notes you must play after because it has been composed so. Here a teacher that can teach you exactly how it's done and how much you should tune your instrument etc. is very important, which is why if people want to be good at music they need money for these teachers.

Where as sports and I dare say pickup is a LOT more open. Here you however need a lot of peers and not exactly a teacher because it is so free and fluent. It's not the exact same girl you encounter each time but there are tendencies and you still need adjustments. Just not as specifically as music.
So find those hot spots (LA and other big cities) where the great pickup artists game to learn from them.
AND I wouldn't say one kills himself for not trusting people, it's a balance rly.

 

[trashKENNUT]

Man-O,

Something to share.

Definitely it is also luck as well. IF you would like to know, i found my 'answer' when i found Girlschase back in 2013. Time passes and eventually i get to chat with Chase and he teach me things most people will never get (at least i assumed of). He teach me things that doesn't get mention a lot in articles.

only because i established myself to a certain point. This is key.

You are right. The teacher is not exactly correct. I have had teachers all throughout but i firmly believe you find what you looking for (provided you not dead by then). It took me 8 years to find Girlschase and Girlschase wasn't established at the time. What i learn is that you really have to go out and do your stuff and know your stuff (as what you said as well). Learn as much from people, take any advice with a grain of salt and try to get and match the experience. Mentors/successful people want to see promising potential. (See article on Mentors)

Ultimately, work on yourself and then think about your celebration pose. Highly true.

Zac

 

[trashKENNUT]

BUMP!