Dos and Don'ts on Moving Fast With Girls In a Relationship?

[Big Daddy]

Hey fellas,

I don't know how fast to move with girls in a relationship. This is not the situation described in some articles here, where the girl has a boyfriend and is not only open for a lover but almost actively looking for one. I have fucked girls in these situations -- they're easy. This is not what I'm talking about here.

I'm talking about girls you can't say for sure she's even open to fucking some random guy. I mean, I think every girl is at least somewhat open to that idea all the time, so there's always a chance you can work with -- but are not necessarily above their natural baseline.

Case in point:

There's this girl in her mid-20s (who has been in an LTR for at least 4 years) I see twice a week. I have her number but since I'm in a "don't shit where you eat" situation with her, I've been slowly ramping up my flirting game with her over the past 6 months to see how she responds. I can't say for sure whether she's liking it (positive) or being nice (neutral), but she certainly doesn't hate it.

We've been texting more, initiated 50/50. I mostly just send a meme or shit like that for callback humor, never try to engage in unnecessary conversation unless she texts me first. Slowly touching her more; nothing too aggressive and still socially acceptable, but noticeably not nice-guyish (small of her back, occasional touch). I still didn't ask her out.

I wonder how fast I should move with her, however, because I don't think not responding badly to flirting is that strong of a signal, especially when you factor in our "don't shit where you eat" situation and that I have no idea how she feels about her relationship. The few hints that I have are that she doesn't think about marriage/kids early and doesn't like the idea of moving together with someone (bf).

All good signals, but again, not strong enough for a girl in her situation, I'd say. If she was single or obviously looking for a guy on the side I'd just ask her out right away... but in this case... not sure.

I tried fucking a very receptive girl with a bf before, only to have it blow on my face. I learned mid-date that she had just gotten into a new relationship, but pulled anyways and had to settle for an awkward kiss attempt out of the blue because there wasn't any tension going on. Needless to say, she pushed me away (even though she looked receptive afterward).

I was extremely noob and had no idea how to circumvent the obstacle, and I'm not confident I'd have pulled her even today, though I'd say there's a puncher's chance. (I still have to work a lot on LMR.)



What are the dos and don'ts to fuck girls with bfs that are not actively looking for a guy on the side and that you see regularly, and because of that probably can't bank on the "mysterious bad boy sweeping her off her feet" aspect?

• Should I try to pull her on the first date opportunity I have?
• Should I wait until I'm more certain that she wants the D, since most likely I will have some date opportunities but only one chance to fuck her?
• How do I smoothen the transition when I swap from friendly person she sees regularly to aggressive guy trying to get some pussy?
• Please arm me with as much ammo for LMR regarding bullshit about boyfriends you might have, as this is my main concern. I think I could realistically get her to my place, but I don't how to push the right buttons without making a mistake
• Any other recommendation you might have

 

[Virgin101]

Provided for a better read than most of the other ridiculous threads on here!

I have her number but since I'm in a "don't shit where you eat" situation with her, I've been slowly ramping up my flirting game with her over the past 6 months to see how she responds.

We've been texting more, initiated 50/50.

Did you guys exchange numbers due to needing to communicate as colleagues, or exchange numbers as friends? And if as friends, who asked?

• Should I try to pull her on the first date opportunity I have?
• Should I wait until I'm more certain that she wants the D, since most likely I will have some date opportunities but only one chance to fuck her?

• 
  Then you'd be investing a lot, and will only be disappointed if it doesn't work out. I'd say this might be something you need to get it over and done with... whatever the outcome.
  
  I assume you wouldn't mind continuing to work with her if it went badly?

  [*] How do I smoothen the transition when I swap from friendly person she sees regularly to aggressive guy trying to get some pussy?

  The longer you leave it, the harder it'll be. And the more aimless texting you do, the harder it'll be to transition.
  
  Six months seems like quite a bit of time! Maybe you could pull away a bit from her in general for a while... as an ultimatum to your company, and then the next time you meet be more aggressive.

 

[Big Daddy]

Provided for a better read than most of the other ridiculous threads on here!

Ha! These boards have been a little bit dead lately, isn't it? I wonder where is everybody, especially higher-ranked guys!

Well, we traded number for (work-related) logistics. It was a natural thing to do in that situation, zero second thoughts.

To be honest with you, when I met her, even though I was floored by her looks, I was 100% focused on getting work done, so I didn't start considering it until much later when I realized we have good rapport -- so it's not as I've been investing for a long time. In fact, I almost don't think about her, have other girls in my rotation.

I wouldn't mind continue working with her if it was a soft rejection... but I need her expertise and I don't know how she would react if it was a cold rejection. It's one of those situations where I'd never leave a chance on the table, but I'm not going to go out there with all my might and try to create that opportunity because I'm also very focused on our work.

I'd say I'm 55/45 or even 60/40 between work and fucking her. So I think I can play a longer, more passive game. I realize it's an uphill battle, but I'm just looking for pointers to not look back and think, "ugh, if only I had done that!"



PS, another way to put this: is there such thing as slow game? If not, what do I do instead and if yes, how do I deal with it?

I don't think I ever read an article here about putting a girl in a slow cooker and let her cook for long periods of time before you have your chance because obviously they're single... but what if she has a bf to keep her occupied? If you can link any relevant articles you might have read that'd be helpful too.

 

[Fuck This]

You are being for lack of a better word "an orbiter" . Waiting for a sign to get a taken girl. "Do or do not. There is no Try." to quote Yoda.

Imagine if you put your energy into meeting 10 different women, of which 1 or more are available and willing to have sex with you. Wouldn't that be more rewarding than overthinking one who is A)a colleague (Strike 1) B) in a relationship (strike 2) and C) not aggressively pursuing YOU (strike 3)

Your effort to reward ratio is WAY off here..... Plant a seed and walk away....Don't come back until you see something develop.

 

[Damien]

Agreed with Fuck This. Could be she'd like you as a lover, could be she just likes you as a friend who provides positive emotions and some flirtation. You won't know unless you try. In the meantime, don't invest so much time in her unless she's providing other value than just being your lover in your imagination.