EC, maintaining sexual tension

[ray_zorse]

Got a date tomorrow, back in business... she is young, smart, hot and seems keen... Elle her name. Chinese engineering major. Logistically its a bit of a nogo because it's at uni and I'm planning to go camping straight from there, she may also have a time limit (class or whatnot)... but I will try to pull her to the Botanic Gardens for the sunset and see what happens.

I'm determined not to have this degenerate into a friendly platonic interaction and I've decided to focus on sexual eye contact, pauses and maintaining tension. Can someone give me an overview on how this looks? From articles I seem to recall you pause with strong EC and then let tension build and then break it with a sexual innuendo, or do I have this ass-backwards?

Help.

Ray.

 

[NarrowJ]

Ray,

I'm determined not to have this degenerate into a friendly platonic interaction and I've decided to focus on sexual eye contact, pauses and maintaining tension. Can someone give me an overview on how this looks? From articles I seem to recall you pause with strong EC and then let tension build and then break it with a sexual innuendo, or do I have this ass-backwards?

It sounds kind of like you're looking for some kind of step by step process here with regard to using things like eye contact, pauses, sexual talk, etcetera. As in, you're asking for a completely scripted routine where you do one, then do another, and then another thing. It's easy to overthink things like this, and if you get too scripted and mechanical it will destroy your vibe and you'll just end up coming off as weird and uncalibrated.

Try to learn how to use them independently of one another, and not trying to link them all together into some kind of super-intense combo move. You'll use all of these when needed (and yeah there's many times when you WILL use them concurrently), but I wouldn't concentrate on trying to stack them in any certain way or order. Don't force it, just for the sake of using it. There's appropriate times and situations for these, so trying to use them all at the same time is not only is overkill, but it's also going to hurt you because you might be using one of these in a situation where it's not linear to the interaction.

Just for example, let's say you devise a plan to hold strong eye contact for several seconds, and then make a sexually charged statement. If she's not ready for what you're saying or it's not linear to the conversation thread, then that's going to come off a little weird. Or, trying to force eye contact at a time when maybe she's looking away or not reciprocating, that's bad too.

So yeah, do all of these things. But, they don't all have to be done at the same time or in any specific order. Just use each as the situation(s) call for them.

Hope I explained that well. Good luck on the date, man!

J.J.

 

[ray_zorse]

Right, thanks NJ, good advice. Also thinking about it some more, the initial approach and chat were pretty casual so I think I might more profitably concentrate on maintaining a playful, flirty vibe... not too intense a vibe, as you say it could be incongruent (can add intensity later if I'm on track to take it sexual). I will try to combat the platonicity by deflecting her deep diving questions with humour... "have you ever been married?" "yeah I have 17 wives but i'm a bit bored with them, you?" "do you have kids?" "yeah i've got loads of children in timbuktu, don't worry i send them 20c a month" "can you cook?" "yeah my favourite food is crocodile stomach stuffed with pickled cane toad"... hopefully by maintaining intrigue I can stop it being just "two friends sharing about their boring lives". Hmmm. Any more suggestions anyone?

Ray

 

[Adam101]

It's good that you are going to be mindful of your eye contact and looking for moments to create and hold sexual tension, but it seems your real concern is making sure you are seen as a viable sexual option and not as a "safe" friend. With that in mind I believe your main goal oughta be to properly position yourself via light flirting. Obviously you don't want to launch into it, but after a few minutes of small talk you can then throw in something that shows your interest and see how she responds. It can be something as simple as "Engineers normally aren't so cute." It will let her know why you are spending time with her in the first place. And if you get good responses you can gradually escalate and get more forward from there. It's all about testing the waters and recalibrating.

What I have discovered recently is that if you can get a girl in a feel good, flirty mood...then things like sexual tension and sexy eye contact kinda come naturally almost like a domino effect. If you can get a good laugh out of her try holding eye contact for just a little too long, and then momentarily look down at her body then back up to indicate you want her (if she matches your gaze). I find sexual tension often follows laughter but it's a pivot you as a man have to make.

Another tool you might want to keep in mind is role playing. Not too long ago Chase wrote a really good article about how to properly use role play in interactions and using that I believe helped me find recent success. The main idea though is you suggest a scenario / scene...but vaguely...and then allow her mind to actually play out the potential events in her mind. This may not be a great idea, but for example since you're going to the gardens you could talk about sneaking off the trail and finding yourselves truly alone around the beauty of nature. Now...what do a male and female naturally do when they're alone? Well...you let her decide. Like I said maybe not the best example but it gives you an idea of how to set up a potentially exciting fantasy for her. Just no direct "I would so do X to you." or anything like that.

Hopefully there's something useful in there for ya. Best of luck!

 

[ray_zorse]

Thanks mate. Right on, that is indeed what I'm concerned about. It's not so much I want to use a specific technique just that I can see what went wrong with recent previous dates.

Having said that, Franco is right in a recent thread -- get your process nailed to the point you can reliably get dates, then the actual date won't be so scarce it's a big deal -- so can just chill, be in the moment, be self amused, try stuff out for fun etc.

Solid advice on the flirting and roleplay. I will give it a shot.

cheers, Ray