Emotion taking over

[captaincactus]

Hi, so I have hit a wall on my journey and am feeling almost overwhelming emotion which is ruling my day to day life. I have a challenging job, my home life is a challenge but I can handle all of this. What is throwing me is something I cannot explain no matter how much I try to take control of it.



Here’s the bottom line, met a hot girl, we live quite far so after we first met, we met up again, we spoke most days between then. When we first met the connection was crystal clear, we were kissing and dancing together for what felt like days. A month later we meet again, we have loads of sex, she cums loads, we’re really close all weekend, revealing stuff to each other about our past and just pure connecting. Weekend is over, she flies home, is responsive over text but seems a little cold.



I’m left with a feeling which maybe rejection, maybe the unknown of the future, maybe a strong connection lost for whatever reason I have no idea, it’s eating me inside. I have other plates but seem to be fixated with this one. She did suggest we had the talk over the weekend but it didn’t materialise, I said we could another time. I’m not looking for LTR right now plus she lives really far away but I seem to rush like I’m coming up on drugs when I think about her, I want to see her again, asap. We both have busy lives, we are an hour flight from each other which doesn’t make it easy but I certainly feel on unsteady ground with where she’s at.



I’ve backed off, left the ball in her court but need to get myself together in the meantime whilst it’s decided wtf is going on between us. I haven’t felt this way for a while, I don’t like it, I need to regain control of myself and my mind and let this figure itself out. In the meantime I need to get back into the place I was when I met her, my game was on point, now I seem to be slowly sinking amongst an array of negative emotions.



What do I do, please help,



Captain cactus

 

[HoofHearted]

I vote you communicate.

If you have a question for her, I vote you ask her-- even if it's just "what's going on here?"

You may not get an answer you like. You may feel real pain. But not the pain of being lost in the darkness, or confusion, or 'what-if.'

She may not answer. This points back to the core concept that seems to be hurting you: we can never control other people.

What we can do, and what you probably should do, is lead. So I vote showing an example by communicating, and accepting the consequences. She may not like the example, and she may not follow it, but in my subjective opinion which you can take or leave, it's a whole lot better than where we are right now (meaning I've been there).

FAQ

1. Asking questions is not sexy? -- Pain is not sexy (outside of kink context). I think it's true women don't want to have to give you an instruction manual, and would rather you knew the situation and what to do every time. This is the burden of being a man, expected competence and leadership. Conversely, in some ways, having the strength to ask scary questions shows positive and attractive masculine traits. But there's no guarantee you get a favorable outcome imo. 'Men should just know' is such a destructive myth, but let's not pretend it isn't the actual standard set upon us-- unfair but also a gift. No one is born with inborn knowledge acrossed every context, and it's okay to not know what to do, and it's okay to lose girls due to inexperience. Whatever happens, you're going to be okay, provided you keep learning and growing.

2. I feel bad? -- It's okay. You'll feel bad again someday too so get good at feeling bad, what a wonderful opportunity. And you'll also feel better sooner than you expect. It's really important that when you feel bad, you focus on yourself. Do something for yourself, like exercise or find ways to sleep better. These tools are boring, but they're the boring ones that work.


2cents

 

[captaincactus]

I vote you communicate.

If you have a question for her, I vote you ask her-- even if it's just "what's going on here?"

You may not get an answer you like. You may feel real pain. But not the pain of being lost in the darkness, or confusion, or 'what-if.'

She may not answer. This points back to the core concept that seems to be hurting you: we can never control other people.

What we can do, and what you probably should do, is lead. So I vote showing an example by communicating, and accepting the consequences. She may not like the example, and she may not follow it, but in my subjective opinion which you can take or leave, it's a whole lot better than where we are right now (meaning I've been there).

FAQ

1. Asking questions is not sexy? -- Pain is not sexy (outside of kink context). I think it's true women don't want to have to give you an instruction manual, and would rather you knew the situation and what to do every time. This is the burden of being a man, expected competence and leadership. Conversely, in some ways, having the strength to ask scary questions shows positive and attractive masculine traits. But there's no guarantee you get a favorable outcome imo. 'Men should just know' is such a destructive myth, but let's not pretend it isn't the actual standard set upon us-- unfair but also a gift. No one is born with inborn knowledge acrossed every context, and it's okay to not know what to do, and it's okay to lose girls due to inexperience. Whatever happens, you're going to be okay, provided you keep learning and growing.

2. I feel bad? -- It's okay. You'll feel bad again someday too so get good at feeling bad, what a wonderful opportunity. And you'll also feel better sooner than you expect. It's really important that when you feel bad, you focus on yourself. Do something for yourself, like exercise or find ways to sleep better. These tools are boring, but they're the boring ones that work.


2cents

Thank you for your thoughtful response 2cents I intended to get back to you sooner.
That was the exact logic I needed to read to best navigate my next steps and it worked.
We had the ‘talk’ she wants something I can’t give her, there’s a long list of reasons why I can’t. I stood true, swallowed my feelings with the red pill and feel empowered for being in the driving seat. Still sucks though, I think it’s important to keep a reality check in place with game, there was a strong connection on levels beyond sex but wrong time wrong place, bottom line is it won’t work.. not gonna get hung up on that.
Thanks for your time 2cents, keep it real

 

[HoofHearted]

I'm glad you're starting to feel better.

You will be happy again, too. The pain, which is the legitimate pain of attachment and loss, will pass but it does take time. I'm sure you know all this, but a reminder does help. There are little pockets of happiness you can find as you come back to a baseline.

I'm going to make one last suggestion. It's really just another reminder that the next time you get attached can be different, that you can learn from your experiences and always grow and reach new heights. The great ones strive for this. You're not stuck, or doomed to any outcomes. You, and everybody else, are learning and growing-- so long as you accept this fact and choose to grow. You'll feel pain again, too, and you'll be ready. But if I had to guess, I would bet you will feel levels of connectedness and sexual intimacy with a woman that you never even knew were possible.

 

[captaincactus]

I love your philosophy on this matter, I have learnt a lot from your words. I don’t believe dealing with emotion is covered enough in the game community.

thanks for your time

 

[WalkWithMe]

Dear 2cents, hoofhearted and cap cactus,

Thank you for sharing and your contribution! Going through an unexpectedly rough patch myself at the moment as well, so I feel you and the perspective this thread offers to take it, risk it, talk to her and learn is such a strong one!
Learning how to deal with the true pain of attachment and loss, after putting yourself out there in a vulnerable position is crucial. Seeing positives and get back to a baseline.
The community response to GFTOW is sometimes helpful, especially to perfect your game and create abundance. I have abundance, slept with 2 different new girls since last month when it all came down but that does not fix the pain. The deep connection is not there with them.
So I need to reevaluate what kind of relationships and what kind of women I want to pursue and find the ones that offer what I’m looking for. And go all-in, risking another round of pain in the process.
See my thread on coworker woes, I will do a write-up on how it ended this week.