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Existential crisis and brain frying. HELP!

wtfz

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Apr 9, 2016
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Disclaimer: this is not a "how to get my GF back" post. I'm having a mental breakdown and I'm asking for help. Everything is appreciated!

Hi Chase, hi everyone.

The reason I'm writing here, is because I've been reading Chase's blog for a while, I feel like he's a wise and well adjusted man, and would love to hear his and other's advice. Details follow:

After a 4 years relationship, 6 months ago I got cheated on and left by whom I thought was the best girl I could ever get (scarcity mentality): smoking hot, sweet, caring, nerdish... and abusive. Needless to say, I was shattered, my self-esteem was to an all time minimum and it took me a whole month to start functioning like an almost normal human being again. I was trying to move on. Then, she texted me back 1 month later, saying that she missed me and all sorts of nice things, and I believe she's keeping me on the hook. And this creates even more conflict in me, because I miss her on one hand, and would like to move on on the other. But I digress.

A couple of months later, I went to a pub with a friend, and there was this hot girl that was being hit on by all the guys there. I approached her, and 10 minutes later we were making out in front of everyone else. "What the fuck?" I thought to myself? Even if I had had some success with girls in the past (2 long term relationships, 2 fuckbuddies years ago, a pair of one night stands), I had almost always been the kinda cute nerdy guy that gets shy around beautiful women. So I was really surprised at myself when I pulled that number with that girl (which later I lost because provider mentality).

So I got interested in seduction, and started searching for material: goodlookingloser and this website (which I love), were the first two things I found. BUT... I also found some really wicked shit. Some PUA formus, sub-reddit "The red pill" and "blackdragonblog" are the first three that come to mind. Being a nerd, I started reading, and reading, and reading... until I couldn't do it anymore. My mind was literally exploding from all the stuff that I read, to the point I didn't know anymore what the fuck was true and what wasn't. It felt like taking a glimpse in a Lovecraftian abyss.

Simultaneously, I started having all kinds of sick thoughts about my previous relationship, about why it ended, about me not being "alpha" enough to keep her, I started feeling a deep sense of guilt and shame, completely disregarding that SHE did lots of mistakes as well... all sorts of stuff. I'm going mad.

I feel lost:
- I'd like to become good at pickup, but everyday I feel more and more inadequate, because "I still didn't read that article or still didn't learn how to do this or that". I feel like reading is doing me more harm than good.
- I don't know what is true or what is false anymore. I've read stuff, among which I found articles about long term relationships being doomed to fail, about humans being naturally polygamous and therefore one day or another a couple will naturally split, or one or both partners will tend to cheat, and so on.
- I don't know what the fuck to do with my ex-gf. Should I ignore her and move on? Should I not? I hate living in a limbo where nothing is clear.
- I'm at the weakest "frame" I could ever be. I need to find a way to get back on track, to feel good again.

Any help is appreciated. Many thanks in advance.

Z.
 

WayOfHand

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Dec 12, 2015
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Hey man sorry to hear you got cheated. Secondly congratulations on finding girlschase and starting to actively better yourself as a person. Now to the harder parts. You seem to have quite a few problems on many areas. Lets get solving them.
- I'd like to become good at pickup, but everyday I feel more and more inadequate, because "I still didn't read that article or still didn't learn how to do this or that". I feel like reading is doing me more harm than good.
- I don't know what is true or what is false anymore. I've read stuff, among which I found articles about long term relationships being doomed to fail, about humans being naturally polygamous and therefore one day or another a couple will naturally split, or one or both partners will tend to cheat, and so on.
Okey this is very common problem for people. It basically comes down to what, if I remember correctly RSD Tyler once brilliantly said that, not acting on your inspiration is sort of mental masturbation. Let me try and clarify this to you. Below is basic Blooms taxonomy.

1zee9gg.jpg


You are stuck in the remembering level but your mind already worries of how to become good at applying. You mention that you become more and more confused by reading more pickup material. This is true becouse there is endless amount of contradictory advice flying around. If you truly want to advance you need to start moving into understanding level.

Understanding will NOT grow by reading more. It grows by actual experience. You need to start getting out of your head and more into doing things. Just basic things like sports or meditation will get you into better headspace. With pickup itself your understanding will only grow by going out. Books and articles are there to help you interpret your interactions. They can NOT replace them.
- I don't know what the fuck to do with my ex-gf. Should I ignore her and move on? Should I not? I hate living in a limbo where nothing is clear.
- I'm at the weakest "frame" I could ever be. I need to find a way to get back on track, to feel good again.
I think it would be better for your mental health to cut contact completely, at least for now. Start focusing on your own life. You hate living in limbo? Then do something about it. Start doing things you like. If you don't know what they are, experiment around. Find that purpose you so feel you are missing. Most importantly just DO.
 

HellAtlantic

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Jul 1, 2015
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301
Here's the thing. All the info here isn't one size fits all. This info, the articles and community advice, is a goldmine but as with anything in life you have to use what's congruent with you at your core and discard the rest. You unfortunately aren't discarding anything so you're just endlessly accumulating information. You can't use it all. If you read say like 10 things in a article how to act, there might be maybe 6 things that are within your natural personality (the part that can't be changed because it's you to your core). So you can immediately discard 4 things. "I'd never do or say that and have it come out looking natural so why bother?", you might say. "That doesn't sound like a good way to handle this situation, so nevermind that", you might think. Of the 6 that you've kept you might decide "I can't remember to do all of this, let me pick out the best 2 or 3 bullet points and at least I'll have added a couple more tools I can use." Then you go out and actually do that stuff that the article mentions, using the best 2 or 3 tips from that article. As you're out and you put all 3 points into action you might see only 2 of the bulet points work so you discard another bullet point. So from 10 bullet points you've kept 2 tips. Rinse and repeat with each next article as you get comfortable with the previous.

Not everything you read will apply to your life or your way of doing things. But keep what works and move on. But the key point is to actually get out there and apply it, otherwise you risk becoming what's called a "theory junkie", guys who just like the community aspect of PU and reading concepts and never actually living.
 

Smith

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Sep 14, 2013
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1,016
wtfz said:
Simultaneously, I started having all kinds of sick thoughts about my previous relationship, about why it ended, about me not being "alpha" enough to keep her, I started feeling a deep sense of guilt and shame, completely disregarding that SHE did lots of mistakes as well... all sorts of stuff. I'm going mad.

Stop reading the "red pill" stuff. They can be very negative about women sometimes and that kinda mindset won't help you lol. Stick to the positive stuff in seduction.

Dude, if you already had 2 long term relationships and a few fuck buddies before you even learn this.... you don't even need ALL the information out there. Plus you made out with a girl 10 mins after you approached her! You're already pretty good in "seduction community" standard lol. Some of the stuff is for complete noobs who have never gotten laid and know absolutely nothing about women. They're too analytical and might hurt you more than they help you. Stick to youtube mentors or websites that you resonate with and doesn't feed on negativity. Then just follow and apply their advice.
 
a good date brings a smile to your lips... and hers

Drck

Cro-Magnon Man
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Feb 14, 2013
Messages
1,488
Agree with the above, there is too much info, too many things to consider and do... Red Pill can be quite negative, unless you have lots of experience with girls that you can make up your own mind, you probably don't want to spent too much time on it, you don't want to get lost in your own mind...


IMO a good way is to keep it simple, keep constructive (positive) mind:

1. Analyze what went wrong and when with your relationship. At the same time, don't over-analyze, don't spent too much time on the past. Write down 5 things that were wrong and that you could have done better. Good enough, move on...

2. Understand that you don't really need that many pick up or seduction skills, try avoid being "perfect seducer" with one thousand different skills. You already have decent exposure to girls, you were in long term relationship for couple of years, so you alrady have decent experience... You don't need to read every single article on the internet to get a girl, that's a nonsense. Use what you already know, you already know more than you need... Sometimes all you need is one skill: Smile at the girl you like and say Hi...

3. Chose what you want to do, whether it is going back to your GF or start new life, then go with that. If you don't know, invite your GF out and have discussion about what she wants in her life and what you want in yours, then go from there...

4. Stop making up "existential crisis" crap, there is no such thing except in your mind. You have plenty of water to drink, you have enough air to breathe, you have roof above your head, you can walk, talk and think - so what existential crisis are you talking about...???
 

wtfz

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Smith said:
you made out with a girl 10 mins after you approached her! You're already pretty good in "seduction community" standard lol.

Ahaha, that was a one time only tho! Even I was surprised of myself. That day somehow I was feeling very "carefree", I clicked all the right buttons and poof, magic happened! But that's good to know.

What I'd like to achieve the most, is having all the time that care-free attitude that allowed me to do that. Anyway, thanks everyone for your input and advice :)

[..]Stick to youtube mentors ...

I don't know any. Would you suggest someone in particular?
 
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