Disclaimer: this is not a "how to get my GF back" post. I'm having a mental breakdown and I'm asking for help. Everything is appreciated!
Hi Chase, hi everyone.
The reason I'm writing here, is because I've been reading Chase's blog for a while, I feel like he's a wise and well adjusted man, and would love to hear his and other's advice. Details follow:
After a 4 years relationship, 6 months ago I got cheated on and left by whom I thought was the best girl I could ever get (scarcity mentality): smoking hot, sweet, caring, nerdish... and abusive. Needless to say, I was shattered, my self-esteem was to an all time minimum and it took me a whole month to start functioning like an almost normal human being again. I was trying to move on. Then, she texted me back 1 month later, saying that she missed me and all sorts of nice things, and I believe she's keeping me on the hook. And this creates even more conflict in me, because I miss her on one hand, and would like to move on on the other. But I digress.
A couple of months later, I went to a pub with a friend, and there was this hot girl that was being hit on by all the guys there. I approached her, and 10 minutes later we were making out in front of everyone else. "What the fuck?" I thought to myself? Even if I had had some success with girls in the past (2 long term relationships, 2 fuckbuddies years ago, a pair of one night stands), I had almost always been the kinda cute nerdy guy that gets shy around beautiful women. So I was really surprised at myself when I pulled that number with that girl (which later I lost because provider mentality).
So I got interested in seduction, and started searching for material: goodlookingloser and this website (which I love), were the first two things I found. BUT... I also found some really wicked shit. Some PUA formus, sub-reddit "The red pill" and "blackdragonblog" are the first three that come to mind. Being a nerd, I started reading, and reading, and reading... until I couldn't do it anymore. My mind was literally exploding from all the stuff that I read, to the point I didn't know anymore what the fuck was true and what wasn't. It felt like taking a glimpse in a Lovecraftian abyss.
Simultaneously, I started having all kinds of sick thoughts about my previous relationship, about why it ended, about me not being "alpha" enough to keep her, I started feeling a deep sense of guilt and shame, completely disregarding that SHE did lots of mistakes as well... all sorts of stuff. I'm going mad.
I feel lost:
- I'd like to become good at pickup, but everyday I feel more and more inadequate, because "I still didn't read that article or still didn't learn how to do this or that". I feel like reading is doing me more harm than good.
- I don't know what is true or what is false anymore. I've read stuff, among which I found articles about long term relationships being doomed to fail, about humans being naturally polygamous and therefore one day or another a couple will naturally split, or one or both partners will tend to cheat, and so on.
- I don't know what the fuck to do with my ex-gf. Should I ignore her and move on? Should I not? I hate living in a limbo where nothing is clear.
- I'm at the weakest "frame" I could ever be. I need to find a way to get back on track, to feel good again.
Any help is appreciated. Many thanks in advance.
Z.
Hi Chase, hi everyone.
The reason I'm writing here, is because I've been reading Chase's blog for a while, I feel like he's a wise and well adjusted man, and would love to hear his and other's advice. Details follow:
After a 4 years relationship, 6 months ago I got cheated on and left by whom I thought was the best girl I could ever get (scarcity mentality): smoking hot, sweet, caring, nerdish... and abusive. Needless to say, I was shattered, my self-esteem was to an all time minimum and it took me a whole month to start functioning like an almost normal human being again. I was trying to move on. Then, she texted me back 1 month later, saying that she missed me and all sorts of nice things, and I believe she's keeping me on the hook. And this creates even more conflict in me, because I miss her on one hand, and would like to move on on the other. But I digress.
A couple of months later, I went to a pub with a friend, and there was this hot girl that was being hit on by all the guys there. I approached her, and 10 minutes later we were making out in front of everyone else. "What the fuck?" I thought to myself? Even if I had had some success with girls in the past (2 long term relationships, 2 fuckbuddies years ago, a pair of one night stands), I had almost always been the kinda cute nerdy guy that gets shy around beautiful women. So I was really surprised at myself when I pulled that number with that girl (which later I lost because provider mentality).
So I got interested in seduction, and started searching for material: goodlookingloser and this website (which I love), were the first two things I found. BUT... I also found some really wicked shit. Some PUA formus, sub-reddit "The red pill" and "blackdragonblog" are the first three that come to mind. Being a nerd, I started reading, and reading, and reading... until I couldn't do it anymore. My mind was literally exploding from all the stuff that I read, to the point I didn't know anymore what the fuck was true and what wasn't. It felt like taking a glimpse in a Lovecraftian abyss.
Simultaneously, I started having all kinds of sick thoughts about my previous relationship, about why it ended, about me not being "alpha" enough to keep her, I started feeling a deep sense of guilt and shame, completely disregarding that SHE did lots of mistakes as well... all sorts of stuff. I'm going mad.
I feel lost:
- I'd like to become good at pickup, but everyday I feel more and more inadequate, because "I still didn't read that article or still didn't learn how to do this or that". I feel like reading is doing me more harm than good.
- I don't know what is true or what is false anymore. I've read stuff, among which I found articles about long term relationships being doomed to fail, about humans being naturally polygamous and therefore one day or another a couple will naturally split, or one or both partners will tend to cheat, and so on.
- I don't know what the fuck to do with my ex-gf. Should I ignore her and move on? Should I not? I hate living in a limbo where nothing is clear.
- I'm at the weakest "frame" I could ever be. I need to find a way to get back on track, to feel good again.
Any help is appreciated. Many thanks in advance.
Z.