- Joined
- Jul 20, 2015
- Messages
- 1,532
before i get started, let me say that one of my biggest sticking points right now is escalation. dont give me heck for it plz, im working on it.
i was chatting with a girl named pond thru text for about a month. i met her thru tinder, she told me she was looking for something "more." She was real into me, initiating contact with me quite often. As we kept talking, she was looking to me for guidance of what to frame our future meeting as:
She flaked on me 4 times. 2 times were legitimate, 2 times she disappeared the day of. all this flaking i believe was caused by low attainability due to some responses of mine, like in the one above. regardless, she kept initiating contact. After the 4th flake, i set a strong boundary with her that flakiness and disrespect for my time is a total turn off.
Then we finally hung out, and you can find the report of the date here
She came across to me as more of a shy, conservative girl who doesn't have a ton of experience with guys. Like impressionable in the sense I could easily mould the way she acts if I wanted to. However, in my opinion, our meeting was a total disaster due to a mix of mistakes:
- I did invite her back to my place, but did not persist after she objected. Thus, there was very little sexual escalation besides a kiss i gave her on the cheek lol
- She asked me how many "tinder dates" ive been on - I told her thousands. She was not happy about this. It was clear to me she was looking for comfort from me, not value.
- I did a poor job of qualifying her to show her she's special to me, and framing our interaction as me wanting to do more than just fuck her.
This led to her being closed off to me, and we parted on uncertain terms. I felt quite bad about it. I really liked her and it got in the way of thinking, I wish I woulda texted her for a second date the day after.
10 days later, I texted her this:
either she was deliberating over whether it was worth it to message me back, or she's trying to play it cool and not showing much interest by texting me back 2 days later because of my low attainability (prior to our date she'd always respond within a few hours). But either way, she's replying so that's good.
Anyways, enough of my [possibly flawed] analysis. Looking for some outside minds to provide me some guidance regarding next steps. What's the next move? Chitchat a little bit with her thru text, express interest, and ask her for a second date? Or just straight up ask her for a second date and set a strong frame?
i was chatting with a girl named pond thru text for about a month. i met her thru tinder, she told me she was looking for something "more." She was real into me, initiating contact with me quite often. As we kept talking, she was looking to me for guidance of what to frame our future meeting as:
She flaked on me 4 times. 2 times were legitimate, 2 times she disappeared the day of. all this flaking i believe was caused by low attainability due to some responses of mine, like in the one above. regardless, she kept initiating contact. After the 4th flake, i set a strong boundary with her that flakiness and disrespect for my time is a total turn off.
Then we finally hung out, and you can find the report of the date here
She came across to me as more of a shy, conservative girl who doesn't have a ton of experience with guys. Like impressionable in the sense I could easily mould the way she acts if I wanted to. However, in my opinion, our meeting was a total disaster due to a mix of mistakes:
- I did invite her back to my place, but did not persist after she objected. Thus, there was very little sexual escalation besides a kiss i gave her on the cheek lol
- She asked me how many "tinder dates" ive been on - I told her thousands. She was not happy about this. It was clear to me she was looking for comfort from me, not value.
- I did a poor job of qualifying her to show her she's special to me, and framing our interaction as me wanting to do more than just fuck her.
This led to her being closed off to me, and we parted on uncertain terms. I felt quite bad about it. I really liked her and it got in the way of thinking, I wish I woulda texted her for a second date the day after.
10 days later, I texted her this:
either she was deliberating over whether it was worth it to message me back, or she's trying to play it cool and not showing much interest by texting me back 2 days later because of my low attainability (prior to our date she'd always respond within a few hours). But either way, she's replying so that's good.
Anyways, enough of my [possibly flawed] analysis. Looking for some outside minds to provide me some guidance regarding next steps. What's the next move? Chitchat a little bit with her thru text, express interest, and ask her for a second date? Or just straight up ask her for a second date and set a strong frame?
