Failed escalation/failed to escalate.. now what?

[Lotus]

Last night I picked up this girl at the bar and went home with her. I failed to escalate with her and and we passed in our underwear spooning. The next morning i tried to recover in order to show her I was at least somewhat a man... My escalation attempt started with my runnning my finger all over her body which brought her chills and then I started kissing on her neck(from the big spoon position) she grabbed my dick but resisted my effort to move any further then that. "Not in the morning, I have to leave soon." and she did

This logic isn't sound but I only wanted to to escalate enough to get her horny for me and increase my chances of fixing this mistake for the future(oh the ineptitude is overwhelming)

I have her number(and she already followed my on instagram) but I haven't sent any icebreaker text. On the way out I did not give her any notion that would would hangout in the future(intrigue). I know thats the play for a date that doesnt end in sex but I'm not sure if this qualifies.

So i have two questions:

Do i need to change up my icebreaker? "Hey XXX, it was nice to meet you, I am looking forward to hanging out/grabbing a drink/food-brum"
- Since we didn't officially agree to it.
- BUT alchohol was involved so i might be able to get away with it.

When do I make contact?
-Ideally I move as fast as possible, but I'm in deep

Edit: I realize this may not be redeemable but I shall try.


Thanks
-brum

 

[Howell]

Hi Brum, yeah, potentially irredeemable, but no harm in going forward anyway. May be a good chance to experiment with some new angles.

I'd progress by breaking the icebreaker in two, starting with a "fishing" text. You can definitely send this one today:

Text 1: "Hey XXX, it was nice to meet you "

You can calibrate your next text based on her reply (or non-reply).

If she doesn't reply, I'd wait a few days and then hit her up with the text inviting her out. Depending on what you think would work better, you can either pretend like you'd already set it up when you guys were drunk, or just ask her the normal way:

Text 2: "XXX! Just discovered this cool little cafe walking home from work today -- thinking we check it out sometime this week. How's your schedule?"

Or if you think she wouldn't be too finicky coming immediately back to your place:

Text 2b: "XXX, hi. Just found a bottle of malbec under my sink (of all places) -- if you bring the noodles, I'm thinking we could scrap together a pretty stellar pasta meal. Let's get our 'Italian' on one of these evenings, pronto!"

-Howell

 

[Mr.Rob]

Brum, sounds similar to my failed escalation the other night. Makes you fucking cringe when you think about it huh?

Just out of curiosity why didn't you attempt to make things happen when you got home? Drink too much or something?

Either way too late now.

I'm not an expert by any means but I would doubt that she would want to see you again if you didn't make a big impact on her. Especially since it was a drunk "at the bar" encounter she probably didn't place much weight on the whole thing.

I'd shoot her a text like "Hey [girl x], enjoyed keeping each other warm last night -Brum" and see if she bites. If she does cool ask her schedule and see if she bites that. If she bites that take her out and escalate soon and passionately.

That's what I would do, but perhaps someone else has a better perspective to see this from.

Good luck,

-Rob

 

[Lotus]

Thanks fellas!Icebreaker has been sent.

potentially irredeemable, but no harm in going forward anyway. May be a good chance to experiment with some new angles.

Onward is the only direction to go!

Brum, sounds similar to my failed escalation the other night. Makes you fucking cringe when you think about it huh?

Yup, luckily it was overall a great night eitherway.

Just out of curiosity why didn't you attempt to make things happen when you got home? Drink too much or something?

Had a half day and I started drinking really early, so yes, but I have never had this happen before. It's like I wasnt horny for her at all. Right before we went to her room I started talking to her roomate about my job(who was very attractive) so maybe my mind was still on the roommate. I remember she took off her cloths and I thought to my self what a fantastic body.... but i didnt get turned on I just went to sleep HAHA.

Alchohol 1, Brum 0

At one point I had mad a terrific impact and I know that for sure, but who knows how far I slid.\

Edit: She just took a big 'ol bite.... and Rob I like the playful/sexual demeanor of your text. I want to incorporate something like that in my next text.

 

[Lotus]

What stopped you from escalating the night before?

$1 bud lights all night! But really I can't be certain.

How exactly did you respond when she said "Not in the morning, I have to leave soon?"

just continued kissing on her neck/shoulders and rubbing her body.....within 10 minutes she had called an uber for work

 

[Lotus]

Drexel, so since it was her house the power play would have been for me to get up and leave.

Update: Just played this whole thing out and scored a date with her for friday.

Text convo as follows:

[

u]Friday[/u]
Me: Hey C, it was nice meeting you last night. - brum 12:00pm
Her: It was nice to meet you as well. Sorry I just got off work.-3:45pm
Me: No worries, I just got off myself. Had fun staying warm with you last night. - 5:40 pm.

Saturday

Her: are you going to the crawl this afternoon?

Monday

Me: Hey, hope you enjoyed the rest of your weekend. was the crawl fun? 6:00pm
Her: Yah it was pretty fun ha I just got off work- 10:40 pm

Tuesday
Me: Really... I would have thought since your not a nurse you wouldnt work nurse hours.- 11:30
Her: yep I work their hours as well
Me: What does your schedule look like this week? We should get together for a drink, and I think you owe me for saving your ass thursday!
Her: hahah yeah I do i do! I have off XXX and im free after XXX friday. I get off xxx saturday so i'm def going out.
Me:I think i can do friday.
Her: Yep that's fine

Recovery is going well so far... Since I was so deep in the whole I tried to relate and remind her of stuff we had already done/ talked about ( nursing, her falling on the walk back, beer crawl). I thought i had lost her after that sleepover comment--- which now that i think about it, reminds her of the failure, but she came back and I'm pretty happy how I played it out.

 

[Lotus]

I just wanted to update this on this and I'm not all too happy with my texts that I will post. I can't read this girl and I don't know where I sit, so I'm having trouble planning my next move.

I went on a date with her Friday, it went well got her back to my place but it got cut short by her friends... She said she wanted me to go out with them and sleep over and I had planned to meet up with her later but it didn't happen. Fast forward to my next follow up texts last night at today

"

Me: Hey, how did the rest of your weekend go?
Her: hey, sorry I just got off but it was okay haha hbu?

Me: Looks like you need more fun friends. I fell asleep on my couch at 11 haha
Her: haha sooo lucky I was dying at work
Me: I bet so we are we getting together?
Her: this weekend?
Me: That's good. Do you work Friday/Saturday?
Her: Yea but I get off at 3:30
Me: Okay plan on Saturday then. there's a really good Italian place in little Italy we should check out.

(I thought about not sending this text and following up in a couple days to keep her warm)

Most of the girls I have been dealing with completely accept my texting frame, but it feels like this girl is trying to battle me for it to either get me to text more or to decipher my intentions with her.... my bet is self defense.

or maybe I'm looking at this wrong and she is accepting my frame and trying to imitate it.

I feel like I am in a position of weakness because this happened a month or so ago and I lost the girl.

Do more experience girls try to match this (minimal) texting frame I try to set as to not over-invest themselves?

Edit: the more I learn the more little nuances I realize there are depending on the situation.

 

[Lotus]

No time has been agreed on.

Am I over thinking the texting?

 

[Lotus]

You were completely right haha.

All is looking on for this weekend

Thank you