- Joined
- Oct 7, 2017
- Messages
- 6
Hey everyone. I just signed up the other day and I'm looking to get some feedback on this "failed mating attempt" as Chase seems to call it. I know this one is a bit long - it was my first time making any progress with a girl - so I appreciate anyone taking the time to give me healthy feedback and criticism.
First, some of my background: I'm 25, never had a girlfriend, sex, or kissed a girl on the lips. The number of actual dates I've been on could probably counted on two hands. However, my friends still believe I would never have trouble getting a high quality girl (looks and personality), which I personally subconsciously believe as well, but just haven't seen the results to fully embrace it. I look a lot like Chris Evans in the Captain America films (though slightly slimmer and with reddish-blonde hair instead) which I do get told occasionally. I've always had a pretty warm personality, but I've often just had a lack of confidence in showing it until recently.
So, onto the story. I've just moved to a new country to complete a postgrad degree and met this girl (Name: J) at one of the orientation week events. We added each other on fb and met up again at another event later in the week (where I was focused on another girl, M, who had a nicer personality, but was less attractive). After the event J and I messaged each other over the weekend (really bland conversation but she seemed to act "silly and cute" so I rolled with it). At the end of the weekend there was a board game event and I suggested to J that she swing by my place first and then we head over together since my place was on the way to the event (and we did). M was at the event too. I talked to both J and M separately before M left with her friends (I set up a date with M for the following week). I left with J to head home. When we stepped outside into the rain, she looped her arm under mine under my umbrella as we walked back home (I thought, "Wait, does this girl like me?"). When we got back to my place I wasn't sure what was going on so I just asked "Do you want to come in for a glass of water before going home?" She replied: "Not now, maybe another time." Instead we agreed to do something later in the week.
The next day J messaged me randomly asking me how my day was and such (again bland conversation, but similar to before). After that I asked if she wanted to grab a drink over the next couple of days (to which she emphatically said "yes"). She went to a social that evening - with other guys and one of her girlfriends - but she ended up just messaging me the whole time. So the next day, we met up for drinks in the evening.
She came by place and we went down to a bar for a couple of hours before we went back to my place for one more drink. We talked for a couple of minutes before I moved her to the bed and we started making out. After a few minutes she got off my bed, moved to my chair, and started saying things like "We're moving a bit fast no? We have a year." At this point, the following thought popped into my head (word for word): "Oh no! Last minute resistance! What do I do?!" - and yes - it was as comical as it sounds. I started talking about how I like her and find her interesting, blah blah blah (yes... I know).
Eventually I said "Ok, let's just cuddle" which we did for a bit. The whole time she kept saying "I really am going home. You don't believe me though, do you?" and I'd reply "Nah I don't because you're still here." After about two hours of making out (a third of which she initiated) and cuddling she eventually did go home and we agreed to hang out early next week.
The next day, our texting conversation was the same as before, but by the end of the weekend things seemed to have changed. She said "I do want to hang out.
But I don't want to lead you on. This is just too fast for me, I don't operate that way. I'd rather just get to know you more" So I said, "Yeah, no worries. Want to come over and we can just watch a movie or something?". She takes six hours to reply and says "Sorry I was in the library all day and it was so good I forgot all about Facebook". Another hour later and she then sends another message: "I don't really want to come over. I'd rather meet somewhere that's not one our dorms ".
At this time, my bullshit detector is going into overdrive, but I decide to play along anyway just to see what happens (since I've never gotten this far with a girl before). "Sure. I can make that work. What time works for you?" I suggest a couple of timeslots, but then she starts playing hard to get (taking hours to respond, short responses, only saying she can't make certain times, not suggesting anything on her end).
By now I'm pretty certain my goose is cooked, overdone, and gone cold. And I have no intention of eating it, so I decide to chuck it instead. This is our last transcript:
8:29 AM Me: Actually J, I don't think this week is going to work anymore.
8:30 AM Me: Maybe we can hang another time!
8:33 AM J: Wow that was fast! But ok (Note: Instant reply)
8:57 AM Me: But not as fast as your reply
She replied a few hours later and seemed to completely misunderstand my last text, but whatever. It's been four days since and no contact.
Now from all of this, and reading tons on this site, I'm pretty sure I know how and where I went wrong, but I would like to have a few people here rip this one apart for me in case I missed something. I doubt this situation is salvageable at all, but there is still a chance I'll run into her again. How should I act the next time I see her?
I'm trying to view this experience in a positive light because I made a HUGE jump given my previous experiences with girls and this girl was really hot (8 or 9/10), but I still can't seem to shake the feeling of disappointment.
Thanks for the help! Glad to now be a member of this community!
First, some of my background: I'm 25, never had a girlfriend, sex, or kissed a girl on the lips. The number of actual dates I've been on could probably counted on two hands. However, my friends still believe I would never have trouble getting a high quality girl (looks and personality), which I personally subconsciously believe as well, but just haven't seen the results to fully embrace it. I look a lot like Chris Evans in the Captain America films (though slightly slimmer and with reddish-blonde hair instead) which I do get told occasionally. I've always had a pretty warm personality, but I've often just had a lack of confidence in showing it until recently.
So, onto the story. I've just moved to a new country to complete a postgrad degree and met this girl (Name: J) at one of the orientation week events. We added each other on fb and met up again at another event later in the week (where I was focused on another girl, M, who had a nicer personality, but was less attractive). After the event J and I messaged each other over the weekend (really bland conversation but she seemed to act "silly and cute" so I rolled with it). At the end of the weekend there was a board game event and I suggested to J that she swing by my place first and then we head over together since my place was on the way to the event (and we did). M was at the event too. I talked to both J and M separately before M left with her friends (I set up a date with M for the following week). I left with J to head home. When we stepped outside into the rain, she looped her arm under mine under my umbrella as we walked back home (I thought, "Wait, does this girl like me?"). When we got back to my place I wasn't sure what was going on so I just asked "Do you want to come in for a glass of water before going home?" She replied: "Not now, maybe another time." Instead we agreed to do something later in the week.
The next day J messaged me randomly asking me how my day was and such (again bland conversation, but similar to before). After that I asked if she wanted to grab a drink over the next couple of days (to which she emphatically said "yes"). She went to a social that evening - with other guys and one of her girlfriends - but she ended up just messaging me the whole time. So the next day, we met up for drinks in the evening.
She came by place and we went down to a bar for a couple of hours before we went back to my place for one more drink. We talked for a couple of minutes before I moved her to the bed and we started making out. After a few minutes she got off my bed, moved to my chair, and started saying things like "We're moving a bit fast no? We have a year." At this point, the following thought popped into my head (word for word): "Oh no! Last minute resistance! What do I do?!" - and yes - it was as comical as it sounds. I started talking about how I like her and find her interesting, blah blah blah (yes... I know).
Eventually I said "Ok, let's just cuddle" which we did for a bit. The whole time she kept saying "I really am going home. You don't believe me though, do you?" and I'd reply "Nah I don't because you're still here." After about two hours of making out (a third of which she initiated) and cuddling she eventually did go home and we agreed to hang out early next week.
The next day, our texting conversation was the same as before, but by the end of the weekend things seemed to have changed. She said "I do want to hang out.
But I don't want to lead you on. This is just too fast for me, I don't operate that way. I'd rather just get to know you more" So I said, "Yeah, no worries. Want to come over and we can just watch a movie or something?". She takes six hours to reply and says "Sorry I was in the library all day and it was so good I forgot all about Facebook". Another hour later and she then sends another message: "I don't really want to come over. I'd rather meet somewhere that's not one our dorms ".At this time, my bullshit detector is going into overdrive, but I decide to play along anyway just to see what happens (since I've never gotten this far with a girl before). "Sure. I can make that work. What time works for you?" I suggest a couple of timeslots, but then she starts playing hard to get (taking hours to respond, short responses, only saying she can't make certain times, not suggesting anything on her end).
By now I'm pretty certain my goose is cooked, overdone, and gone cold. And I have no intention of eating it, so I decide to chuck it instead. This is our last transcript:
8:29 AM Me: Actually J, I don't think this week is going to work anymore.
8:30 AM Me: Maybe we can hang another time!
8:33 AM J: Wow that was fast! But ok
(Note: Instant reply)8:57 AM Me: But not as fast as your reply
She replied a few hours later and seemed to completely misunderstand my last text, but whatever. It's been four days since and no contact.
Now from all of this, and reading tons on this site, I'm pretty sure I know how and where I went wrong, but I would like to have a few people here rip this one apart for me in case I missed something. I doubt this situation is salvageable at all, but there is still a chance I'll run into her again. How should I act the next time I see her?
I'm trying to view this experience in a positive light because I made a HUGE jump given my previous experiences with girls and this girl was really hot (8 or 9/10), but I still can't seem to shake the feeling of disappointment.
Thanks for the help! Glad to now be a member of this community!
