False rape accusation in school, any advice?

[Smiling_Stray]

I can pretty much summarize this whole thing with an edited version of a message I recently sent here on the forums, so without further to do let's just get to it:

Turns out my new school had me called up to the office after school to talk about what happened in my latest field report (I'll leave a link at the end of this). Apparently the girl came forward and told them what sounds like everything. My parents and my favorite teacher had to sit in the room with me and hear about it all. They asked me if any of it was true, I lied and ended up saying it was true we were where we weren't supposed to be and that we did make out, but didn't do anything more sexual than that. I'm not sure if they believed any of it but we had to leave early (my mother had a doctor's appointment, nothing serious).

We went back the following morning to finish the talk, but the principle doesn't seem to be on my good side and I could see my favorite teacher (who is like a father to me, thank god for him) cringing a bit. Everyone in the school knows what we did, even though I've always denied it. I have to say, I'm surprised I'm even being accused of anything, everything was completely voluntary and I was clear I was just looking to keep things casual between us! She seemed okay with it, we seemed like nothing more than good friends the day after! We joked around (like how I do with my guy friends) and just talked every here and then, we didn't even avoid each other! (Although we do now since she threw me under the bus and all) I did however, notice she got up in our last class (which was a study hall) and left after talking to the teacher. I wanted to talk to her and make sure we were still cool after the day before but I couldn't find her for the life of me! I was pretty terrified. I couldn't eat, I felt like I was about to throw up. I couldn't sleep, I kept thinking of what i'll probably lose because of this.

To think just when everything in my life seems to be going well for once without any drama (which as 17 year old, is really rare and in case you're wondering we're both of consenting age in our state) just before shit really hits the fan! I was already suicidal once in my life. I know better than to go back to it, but I still think i'd rather do that than end up in prison with a record and all the people in my life thinking they never really knew me. I can't really see myself in any other place than the US (I can't speak any other language and have no passport!). I was hoping you could give some advice, my parents have been thinking about getting a lawyer but don't seem like they will since they would just barely be able to afford it together. They're divorced and are currently paying big bucks for me to go to this school, we aren't a wealthy family. Far from it.

***That pretty much summarizes the whole thing but here's a bit of an update, I found out nobody is really looking to press charges they just want me to get help on relationships. Apparently they have no idea what a fling is (regardless of how retarded it is to have sex with someone in your classes at school). So, things have really cooled down it's just very awkward and I seem to have screwed up my mentality with this whole thing. By that I mean, I have trouble approaching and talking to girls now because this was me punching out my V- card (losing my virginity) and was kind of traumatic when she threw me under the bus the way she did to protect her reputation. I thought we're supposed to work together to get to sex and to get away with it! Right?***

The LR--
viewtopic.php?f=5&t=17451

 

[readjusting]

Hey, I had a similar situation before. Got a harassment charge and kicked out of school for 6 months.
Basically yeah, those things can happen if you talk with a lot of girls.

A few ideas (worked for mine)
- Freelance / building a business: The idea is that if you have a record, it’s tough to find a job. I freelance for a while, making decent money, and maybe later on building a business with my experience.
- Cold approach: The idea is that you can next a girl if you smell any risk. There will always be next girl.
- Spend most of your time improving attractiveness: Gym, fighting, singing, dancing, making new friends, or even solving problems. You might even become the next Elon Musk, who knows. The idea is that you can get girl with less aggressive game (because you are more attractive than before), thus decreasing the risk.

 

[Regal Tiger]

Hey man, don't let this get to ya because you have to know that you're not alone in stuff like this.

I don't have much advice for how to get over this sickening mentality for women that something like this brings, but all I can do is describe my own experiences and what I see looking back. I hope it helps.


So I got hit with an FRA and then got out of jail. I canceled my online dating profiles (after reading all of my Tinder messages, damnit I woulda had like 4 dates set up.... le sigh). But there was one girl who I had exchanged numbers with and thought fuck it, I'll send her a message about why I ghosted her on a date we did have set up.

To my great shock she responded! We set up a date and everything is back in business.

I managed to push everything out of my head and go on this date and everything was back to normal [want to stress that this didn't even last the full day]. Fell back on all of my hard fought mentalities and 'training' from my last few years and managed to pull her. Though I should note that she was a hyper sexual and poly-amorous gal with a boyfriend I could safely assume knew. And I don't mean open relationship, I mean full polygamy with multiple relationships looking for another one.

So the pull happened and awesome. I didn't last long and gave a not very good performance but that's alright, we're still back in business!

Eeeeeeexcept we weren't lol.

So after that orgasm it was like an emotional block came loose and the deluge of beta bullshit just comes flowing out of me like a goddamned broken Katrina levy.

I didn't cry or get sad or anything [thank the maker], but the opposite. I became this.... inexperienced girl that just lost her virginity is the only way for me to describe it. Sooooo she never texted back lol

I then went on my longest ever dry spell since losing my virginity. 5 terrible months.

I then got into trying to do cold approaches of just seeing women and striking up conversations. And it was alright, got a few dates but something was off and I didn't know what at the time. I still managed some dates and there was one girl in particular that looking back now I can see that I had her. She text-tested me about what we would do once she got over to my place for our second get together. I had mentioned not wanting to go to another park because we would get sweaty and she replied so it's better to get sweaty in your bed?

Buuuuuuuuuuuut then my fear response kicked in, remembering my not too recent past and I texted back something like "You're free to do or not do whatever you want when you get here". Fucking hell... that was like a nuke to everything that I had built up. Damn she had some massive tits that I may have even been able to pull on the first date (but again, fear triumphed there too).


So what's the point of this story and a few similar things that happened later as well? To showcase my fear. I also noticed that during this time I had to really fight against some toxic mentalities regarding women.

For me, I didn't have a problem chatting women up and scheduling dates. That part of the process had been hard-coded into my DNA and so had the process of trying to get to sex as quickly as possible. But escalating there and my own body language during this time tripped me up ENORMOUSLY.

What finally helped me is going back to some fundamentals that Chase and the rest of GC talk about. I fixed my walk and like magic I had two dates set-up for the same day just a few days out. Then I had another two scheduled after that. And all from luke-warm approaches (I know how to swing dance and ballroom dance and met women at this events).

The first date I set up though the fear response kicked in. But rather than give into it I did the opposite and tried to shut it out. Which probably made me come up like an uninteresting douche with no real reason to even be a douche. She checked out of the date. Shame too... I think we would have had a lot in common. And she even approached me!



It wasn't until I finally dealt with some of that fear that I was able to relax. I had avoided it for the longest time and because of that I didn't get laid. In some ways, it was like losing my virginity all over again.


So the moral of the story is; this is going to hit you in a big way. I don't know how it's going to effect you but for me it tapped into a lot of fear for me. I lost out on some great women that in all honesty, I should have had. Two of which in particular that were basically mine already and another that eve invited me over to her fucking apartment at 10:00 at night and I still managed to fuck it up!

My overall advice, I guess you could say, would have to be

1) Keep talking to women. You don't have to go after them as hard as I did, and I even wonder if that truly helped by itself or not. But you still have to flirt with them and talk to them. This also applies to friends as well as women, keep up with your social life. An easy target is a lone target, don't be an easy target.

2) Really monitor your emotions and thinking when it comes to women. Yes, they can do some truly evil things, but that's just them maximizing their sexual strategy. If their reputation comes under attack then you're going under the bus. That's one of the ugliest parts of women, so do your best to avoid it. But women are capable of being very nurturing as well. Just have to be the strong guy to really see it, so keep up with reading the articles, participating on the forums and learning.

I'd say this one is the most important though:
3) Work through this fear that you're experiencing. Don't ignore it, don't shut it out. I don't know how to do it for you, but for me I can tell you that knowledge is truly power. Improvement on my fundamentals and just continuing to move forward through this gave me something that I didn't have last year. It's hard to put into words, but it's a piece that was missing before.

This is a truly traumatic experience and because of that it deserves your respect. That means working through it. It's different for everyone so you'll have to figure that part out on your own. But ya gotta do it. If you don't, you may end up fucking up sure things like I did.... damn she really did have some amazing boobs that I wanted to play with.... and the other was a girl I had that gut level reaction that only happens rarely. Both gone, both should have had. Both could have easily had, had I been a little more thoughtful of myself before.

Don't be like me! Don't masturbate to sure things! Work on yourself now so you can get your dick and heart wet later!

 

[Smiling_Stray]

Regal Tiger, thanks for all the insight (it was really helpful, seriously)! I have been really busy lately with learning to drive (really want to drive my dad's old worn down Porsche we're working on), finishing one of my first novels (no marketing allowed on here, damn it XD), and I'm getting my GED so I can get right to working a full time job, so I haven't really had much time to go out and do any street approaches or anything with anyone I don't already know but I have been texting a prospect from my old school (I'm about ready to ask her out at this point and throw the ball in her court if she says no, since... well, that's actually a longer story but we only just got back in touch recently after about six or seven months of no contact at all).

Really monitor your emotions and thinking when it comes to women.

I have noticed I do have more trouble reading women now and usually assume the worst which has a tendency to make me a little more needy (which sucks but I'm working on, any advice is helpful) and I'm not quite as motivated to go out and talk to new women at this point (which is mainly because I'm really focused on other things I mentioned earlier and just don't really have as much of the drive to get laid as when I was a virgin which now that I say it, it sounds insane but it's still true)

Hey, I had a similar situation before. Got a harassment charge and kicked out of school for 6 months.
Basically yeah, those things can happen if you talk with a lot of girls.

A few ideas (worked for mine)
- Freelance / building a business: The idea is that if you have a record, it’s tough to find a job. I freelance for a while, making decent money, and maybe later on building a business with my experience.
- Cold approach: The idea is that you can next a girl if you smell any risk. There will always be next girl.
- Spend most of your time improving attractiveness: Gym, fighting, singing, dancing, making new friends, or even solving problems. You might even become the next Elon Musk, who knows. The idea is that you can get girl with less aggressive game (because you are more attractive than before), thus decreasing the risk.

Hey, Thanks IceCream! (Wow, never thought I'd be saying thank you to food XD . Nice name, I like it) Yeah, like I said before I really don't have much time to do cold approaches at the moment but I'll see if I can make time since I'm within walking distance of a city for the next two days before I go back to my place where everybody knows everybody (small town). I hope enough people are out and about there in the winter! (it's pretty cold where I am).

I don't think I really have a record right now (hope I never do but hey, shit happens if it happens) since the school kept things pretty under the radar (nobody went to court or anything, just got a detention for missing class) but I am trying to make my way about with writing since that's what I'm already doing in my free time (If anybody knows of any good jobs I could do on the side, let me know. I currently have my eye on the postal service.

Does poetry or guitar count? (I'm more of a novelist but poems are like breakfast) XD I guess there's always room for improvement, I'll have to check some of those out (including the gym, I'm on the tall and skinny side since I've never been one for exercise aside from running here and then)

 

[Regal Tiger]

Regal Tiger, thanks for all the insight (it was really helpful, seriously)! I have been really busy lately with learning to drive (really want to drive my dad's old worn down Porsche we're working on),

I wanna drive it too! Haha

finishing one of my first novels (no marketing allowed on here, damn it XD), and I'm getting my GED so I can get right to working a full time job, so I haven't really had much time to go out and do any street approaches or anything with anyone I don't already know

That's pretty exciting! What's it about?

Good to hear that you're doing well. But about the approaches, yea gonna have to make time. That's why I've always been a fan of online dating. Could help ya with your profile iffin's ya need to. But definitely wait until you're 18. Jailbait's not cool lol. Lostnumber also knows his stuff for online dating as well and has some groovy messaging advice.

One thing you could try to do (after turning 18) is to offer to do the grocery shopping for the family and then go at a time when the market is full of babes.

but I have been texting a prospect from my old school (I'm about ready to ask her out at this point and throw the ball in her court if she says no, since... well, that's actually a longer story but we only just got back in touch recently after about six or seven months of no contact at all).

Glad to hear that you're flirting someone up. At this point my personal belief is that it's not super important to push forward with women, mental health wise, but it is important for loving female contact. The thing that helped me the most was meeting someone that was a natural nurturer and she cooks for me, and even worked the hell out of my legs a day after one of em locked up on me. I think that's what you need at this point. Sex isn't super important but could also be helpful, but I think that female friends can just as easily fill this kinda void.

For right now though... don't get comfortable with no sex lol.

That really helped my mindset naturally flow towards a more positive path rather than trying to convince myself off of the negative one.

I have noticed I do have more trouble reading women now and usually assume the worst which has a tendency to make me a little more needy (which sucks but I'm working on, any advice is helpful)

The only prescription that I know of that works for neediness is more women. More women always helps neediness. As long as those women are up to par. But I still think that you should try to focus on yourself and just experiencing positive emotions from the women in your life at this point, right now.

Though again, that's just a personal opinion. Others may feel differently and they might even be right. Gotta figure that one out for yourself as you could be different than me.

and I'm not quite as motivated to go out and talk to new women at this point (which is mainly because I'm really focused on other things I mentioned earlier and just don't really have as much of the drive to get laid as when I was a virgin which now that I say it, it sounds insane but it's still true)

I had that too when I lost my virginity. That beautiful bliss lasted probably 2 weeks before the hunger started to take over again. Now it only lasts a few days to a week at most lol. Don't worry much about it, it'll come back. It's like a cockroach, fuckin unkillable.