Feedback on texting/ setting up date?

[Youngberg]

Hey all,
A good friend of mind pointed me toward this website a few months ago, and I’ve devoured all of the subject matter and put it to work in real life and have gotten much, much better with girls. However, I have found myself in a bit of a rut lately with texting/messaging and wanted to post some of my conversations to see what kind of Feedback I’d get.

Jessie (from Tinder):

Me (2050): You’re fuckin cute, Jessie
Her (2104): Oh, thanks!
Her (2104): You’re not too bad yourself!
Me (2131): Hmm! Haha So what you up to this evening? Causing trouble probably…
Her (2142): Nah. Staying warm tonight.
Me (2158): Same here. Got the fireplace going… relaxing
Her (2158): Nice! Where ya from?
Me (2205): I’m from ____. Well not from here, but live here. You?
Her (2205): [says town]
Me (2216): So what do you do when you’re not checking out dudes on Tinder? Lol (I got this line from a field report by Byronic Man and I usually get pretty interesting responses, so I’ve been using it a lot)
Her (2216): Think about what I’m going to do the rest of my life… And take care of my daughter
Her (2216): You?
Her (2217): Oh, I also drink lots of wine.
Me (2227): Fun, yet responsible… that’s good to hear. Me? I work like the rest of us, but live by the saying “work hard and play harder” , oh, and take care of my dog lol
Her (2229): Haha. Well how old is your dog?
Me (2240): He actually turns 5 this month lol. I tell ya, kids grow up way too fast
Her (2242): Way older than mine is!
Me (next morning, 824): I passed out lol whoops… Jessie, we should grab a drink sometime. Whaddya think, you down?
Her (928): Yes!
Me (1148): Cool We should swap #s then: XXX-XXX-XXXX
[no response]
Me (following day, 847): Jessie, lets do this! When are you free?
[no response]

Lindsay (met at a bar):

Me (1513): Was nice meeting you last night! You’re fuckin cute -Youngberg
Her (1514): Feckin cute ay
Her (1514): Lol
Her (1514): Obviously you as well
Her (1531): Are you from _____?
Me (1638): Nope but pretty close. I think we just know a lot of the same people. Wonder why I’d never ran into you
Her (1640): I really only know Jennifer because she used to do my hair a long time ago otherwise I only know the other people through mutual friends
Her (1642): Where are you from then?
Me (1658): I’m from ____ but moved here for work. I live in ____ actually. Work in _____. What about you?
Her (1701): Your town makes me want to vomit haha what do you do in ____?
Her (1712): I have good reasons though ha I’ve lost a lot of money in that town.
Me (1716): Same reason I can’t stand going to _____ anymore So what do you do when you’re not seducing random strangers at the bar? Lol
Her (1718): Lol your funny… Your lucky I was there it’s not my usual spot
Her (1720): Have you lived in [place I said I couldn’t stand going to]?
Her (1723): I’m winning in a game of rummy right now
Her (1737): Nvm on the [place I said I couldn’t stand going to] thing ha just clicked
Me (1741): I would whoop your ass at rummy. And yeah lol was talking about the casino
Her (1743): I’m a bad ass bitch at rummy haha swallow your words
Me (1745): Sorry I don’t swallow
Her (1746): Hahahaha
Her (1800): Well shucks I just lost Thanks for the distraction
Me (615): You earned it Haha
Me (615): You seem like fun. We should grab a drink sometime. Whaddya think, you down?
Her (617): I’m down
Me (636): Cool, what’s your schedule like the next week or so?

So here we get the rest of the date scheduled and handle all the details. Then, she drunk texts me the next night (like 4 texts, seriously) and I respond in the morning with something playful and she responds with “Sorry for the drunk texts!” with a blushing emoji and I tell her “Its all good haha” and then I follow up with her the day of our date and never hear anything back and she just flakes and disappears completely.

Amie (from OKCupid):

Me (1005): Thanks for not requiring that I read a gigantic novel... So how's it going, Amie? –Youngberg
Her (1047): Haha no problem, I keep it simple. Things are good, just trying to stay warm, killing time at work. Got a long day today. How are you?
Me (1112): Yeah this freezing weather crap can go.. And, I'm good. Gonna to be a long day for me too. My name's Youngberg, by the way.
Her (1121): Haha nice to meet you [thumbs up emoji]
Me (1222): You too. So what do you like to do when you’re not perusing OKC checking out boys? Lol
Her (1313): Lol. Spend time with friends, wether it be going out to dinner or grabbing some drinks, working out, reading, catching up on my fav tv shows, traveling, camping, going to baseball games, anything outside. What about you?
Me (1359): My list would be similar to yours, other than I can't say that I read all that much (that's not work-related at least). Maybe add live music. I like to be outside, but not in weather like this obviously. I'll be chilling out by the fireplace tonight lol. So you're a nurse?

[no response]

Not sure here. I tried to hit her up again a day later and she didn’t respond again.

Rachel (again, from OKCupid):

Me (1225): Thanks for not requiring that I read a gigantic novel... So how's the online dating scene been treating you, Ms. R? –Youngberg
Her (2050): Haha you mean I don't have to pour my heart out in 220 characters to you.. damn It's well comical to say the least
Me (next day, 843): 220 characters would be short compared to some I've seen. It's usually either (a) a lengthy, vicious all-caps rant about how all men are ***holes or (b) an essay covering the 100 requirements I must meet in order to send them a message

[she doesn’t respond, but she is really hot so I wait 2 days and send her another msg]

Me (2 days later, 849): So what’s your name?
Her (immediately, 850): Rachel
Me (857): You have such an alluring smile, Rachel…
Her (858): Well thanks
Me (904): So… what do you do when you’re not checking out guys on OKC? Lol
Her (928): Hahaha I work and work out and eat and that’s well about it : )
Me (958): Oh now… don’t be so modest, Rachel! Tell me something awesome about yourself

[she doesn’t respond again, so the next day I decide to try her one last time]

Me (1148): Still got nothing, huh? mkaaaay I guess I will leave you to all the other super cool characters on here haha

Crisha (again, from OKC – last one from OKC):

Me (1249): Well, you’re really cute.. So how’s the online dating scene been treating you, Ms. LeoStar?
Her (1255): Well, thank you Online dating? Rather different, I don’t think I’ve gotten the hold of it yet. Lol How are you Sir?
Me (1316): I'm pretty good, just trying this out myself. My name's Youngberg, by the way. And you are?
Her (1331): Well Youngberg, I’m Cri (Cree). What do you do for a living?
Me (1355): Cri... Well, that's an interesting name. I like it. Is it short for something else? I work for a marketing firm, but looking to move more into the entrepreneurship space. What about you?
Her (1403): Yes, its short for Crisha. But, i rarely ever in life am addressed by that. I am a (GSTL) Guest service team lead at Target, but my career goal is to be a psychologist & work w/ the mentally challenged...preferably.
Me (1420): Well that's nice. I actually hate helping people, so we probably can't be friends. LOL. Just kidding... So, what kind of stuff do you do in your spare time? You like to cook, read books, watch movies?
Her (1435): Haha, well I love to help & analyze people. It’s what makes me happy in life. My number 1 thing to do is spend time w/ my daughter. I love to shop, i mean c'mon what girl doesn’t? I do read, movies are my favorite pass time especially since I’m a home body...i do like to exercise (by dancing) not actually working out w/ machines at a gym. Lol & cooking? Well, let us just say I’m still working on that. Hbu?
Me (1510): Oh, so you have a daughter? I don’t have any kids, but I love them though. My nephews and nieces are like my kids haha. Cri, you seem like a pretty cool girl, and I think it would be fun to grab a drink or maybe some food with you sometime soon. Whaddya think, you down?
Her (1519): Yes i have a daughter She is 6. That might be possible, I should be able to squeeze you into my oh so busy schedule. Lol

[here we swap numbers, and go to text]

Me (later that evening, 2004): Hey Cri, it’s Youngberg Hope I typed your # in right!
Her (2010): And the survey says??? Ding ding ding! Yep you got it right How’s your evening going, sir?
Me (2026): Good Just got done eating with some friends. You?
Her (2050): Nm just hanging out on the couch lol studying
Me (2108): Right on lol well what’s your schedule like the next few days, so we can grab them drinks we talked about?
Her (like an hour later, 2220): Well my daughter just got her tonsils taken out and I start my 6 day work week tomorrow, so idk right now
Me (wait about an hour, 2313): Alright that’s cool, I’m sure we can figure something out

[no response]

Then, a couple days later I try her again and she doesn’t respond again.

Jordan (met at a concert I went to):

Me (931): Was nice meeting you last night, Jordan! This is my # –Youngberg
Her (later that day, 1534): You know what you want in life haha [<- inside joke from the night before]
Her (couple hrs later, 1720): I already told you this but you’re super hot! Haha
Me (1901): Haha well thanks And focus is empowering [<- more play on the inside joke] So did you end up seducing any boys last night since we never got to run into each other again?
Her (1907): Haha well I don’t pursue any, unless they talk to me first and seem to have potential.
Me (1953): Random quest but did you say you were a nursing student?
Her (2144): Yeah! So far I like OB and birthing process. It’s amazing watching new life come out into the world!
Me (2317): Well hey, we should continue this convo over a bite to eat or a drink. Whaddya think, you down?
Her (2332): Hmm, I’ll have to think about it over some sleep! But most likely! [<- she already agreed to a date the night before, so I’m not sure why I’m getting the step backwards here] I’ll get a hold of you tomorrow after class cause I gotta be up at 6am to drive to ____.
Me (next day, 915): Ok, Jordan. Sounds good
Her (later that day, 1739): Okay! I might actually be in ____ tonight with some friends!
Her (1740): Do you know Scott ____? I think that’s how you spell his name. He’s my best friends boyfriend.
Me (I was already out with friends for dinner, but respond at 2137): Nope, can’t say I know who that is. Anyway, wanted to let you know I’m free Saturday for a while if you want to try to get together. Otherwise maybe next week sometime. We’ll figure something out, k

[no response]

This one I need to follow up with, but any feedback would be appreciated!

It seems like my problem is setting up the date? What am I doing wrong there?


Thanks in advance, guys!

-Youngberg

 

[Franco]

YB,

To be honest, there's nothing particularly wrong with any of your conversations... except for the fact that the majority of them are online. One thing you'll learn right away about trying to set up dates with girls from online (or Tindr), is that, no matter what you do, girls are going to flake.

Part of what we tell guys on this website is that your initial approach toward a woman with solid fundamentals is usually what anchors her into going on a date with you. It's much more exciting for a girl to go on a date with a sexy, hot guy she met in person rather than some random, sketch guy she met online. Online dating is always like this, and you just have to accept that there are going to be lots of hits and even MORE misses.

As far as Lindsay goes, it sounds like she was from extended social circle. This actually isn't always a good thing since she knows she has social ties with you, so she doesn't know what would happen to her own social circle were they to find out that she hooked up with you. So it's just possible that she didn't want to get involved with someone who has ties to other parts of her life.

With Jordan, it sounds like you can still make things happen there. The only thing I would have done differently would have been in the following text:

Her (later that day, 1739): Okay! I might actually be in ____ tonight with some friends!
Her (1740): Do you know Scott ____? I think that’s how you spell his name. He’s my best friends boyfriend.
Me (I was already out with friends for dinner, but respond at 2137): Nope, can’t say I know who that is. Anyway, wanted to let you know I’m free Saturday for a while if you want to try to get together. Otherwise maybe next week sometime. We’ll figure something out, k

A couple things here, including a question of my own. Why did she ask if you knew a "Scott?" Was this girl from extended social circle as well? If so, my comment about Lindsay applies to this interaction as well.

If not, then there a couple of other things to point out. On your last text, I think you said too much there. When a girl asks you a question, it's best to reply with similar investment and just answer that question first and wait for a reply. You said you didn't know who it was and then immediately ignored the fact that she wanted to hang out with you that night without saying that you were busy or had other plans. It's not too significant, but it can make a difference as to whether or not she'll want to respond.

I would just wait until early next week and hit her up on Monday or Tuesday with a simple, "Hey Jordan, how was your weekend? " If she replies, then ask her what her schedule is like for the week and try to set something up. If she doesn't, then on to the next one!

- Franco

 

[Youngberg]

Ok, thank you Franco! Sounds like I just need to get out and meet more women in person.

So I admit I haven't read anywhere near all of the articles on the site (there's so many!), but what you're kind of saying is that any girl that has any ties to me in a social atmosphere will be weary? Where I come from people apparently do not cold approach. All of the people I know that are in LTR's or really any type of bf/gf relationship met because they had mutual friends of some sort. To my knowledge (at least), I don't know one single person that is in a relationship with someone that they just went up to out of the blue. I do live in a pretty rural area (lots of small towns and farmland!) so going up and hitting on a girl in (let's say) a grocery store is going to make people think you're creepy. Maybe I need to move! haha, but seriously...


Thanks again for the advice!