Casual/FWB Feeling Jealous in an Open Relationship

[Sandman]

Hello Guys!

I'm in a pretty pickle and I don't have any friends that are good enough with girls with good mental models so I thought the best advice I would get would be from the awesome guys in this forum This is going to be a bit of a long post, please bear with me

Let me start with with describing my current progress in the path as this is my first post.

I come from a very religious background (Turkish/ Muslim). My family is very religious. I grew up pretty religious as well. In middle school and high school, even though I was seen as a very confident, cool, good looking guy, I shunned girls. Even more, I created social pressure upon my peers not to talk to girls. ( I know not cool, not cool at all :/)

In college, I went to a good university with more beautiful girl population then maybe any other university in the country and where hook-ups were pretty common. Exposed to this new environment, my mental model started change slowly (thankfully!). In my second year, I had a crush on two girls and got friend zoned pretty hard.( I got them gifts and stuff arghh) I knew that getting girls was a skill that could be learned and I discovered GirlsChase. That summer, I went to UK for a month. I kissed a few girls, dry humped one and took another to bed. Because of my porn addiction coupled with performance anxiety, I couldn't get it up. Then I returned to my Turkey.

Despite my shortcomings, I felt like a king I approached a few girls, got numbers but before anything more happened I got into a ltr with one of my close friends. She was an amazing girl in every sense but a virgin and religious as well. I was always the alpha in the relationship but I was a bit more controlling than I'd like to admit. We didn't have a sex, only lots of oral other kinds of foreplay. This went on for two years.

After graduation,(this year) I went to a European university for my master's degree. After kissing a girl in a party, I felt guilty and broke up with my girlfriend. After this, I started to really concentrate on getting better with women. I lost my virginity to a shy, inexperienced Chinese girl who then became my fwb. I had another tinder date where I couldn't get it up... I picked up two american girls and then passed one to my friend whose hotel room I was crushing at. There were two beds side by side. The other girl snuggled up beside me but my friend got territorial for whatever reason (oh well... ) Besides these a few other sexual escapades with no penetration...

I'm a beginner. I am somewhat lousy at approaching and closing but pretty good at deep diving. Girls usually give me a lot of attention (a lot of compliments, sometimes asking me on dates) and see me as a sexual guy saying things like you must get girls a lot (which isn't the case at all, lol).

Now as to the real issue, I have...

I met up with a pretty 19 year old girl (not a stunner) with a great body and sweet temperament. We had sex. And it was amazing, it blew my mind. I come across as (and try to be) a sexually liberated, non-judgmental guy so girls tell me their sexual history without reservation. This girl, had 6 prior partners including two long term relationship but no first date sex before me. She did anal a few times and had public sex once (in the beach). She lived in Italy for a year so no surprises there She was still friends with her ex who was a foreigner as well. They tried long distance relationship but (surprise surprise) it didn't work. I was going to go to my home country next week for a fortnight so I wanted to leave a lasting impression. We fucked for three days and nights and the night before my flight. I did a lot of deep diving, eye contact and build a strong emotional connection. I felt like she was falling for me. She gave me a four paged letter telling me that she never told anyone so much about herself this quickly, she wasn't sure if she was just another "one of my girls" but I made her feel special and loved etc... I also loved the fact that she was sexually adventurous.

Her ex bought a plane ticket about a month ago to see her. He was going to arrive while I was in my home country. I told her it was no problem since I wanted an open relationship.

While I was in my home country, she texted me that her ex wouldn't come. She didn't tell her parents about him coming even though he was going to arrive in a couple of days. So he got angry and cancelled the flight. I took this with a grain of salt of course. I was glad to be honest but I didn't show it. (I'm happy if you're happy ) About 4 days before I was going to return I texted her to set up logistics ( I was going to arrive a few days before previously scheduled) She told me that, she didn't want to go through a heartbreak similar to her last relationship. So she wanted to become just friends with with no sex, no kissing. I laughed to myself as I knew that she left a lot of her stuff in my place (we were in a hurry the morning of my flight) so probably I would be able to have sex with her again. (And thanks to GC, we know changing their minds are girls prerogative) I told her that it was okay, I understood completely and she could pick up her stuff any time she wanted but becoming friends without sex wasn't an option for me. She texted me a couple of days asking why couldn't we become friends and I told her I just wasn't interested in a relationship like that.

I returned to Europe, after a few days later she came to my place to pick up her stuff. I told her to come in, cool as a cucumber I started to escalate slowly and she threw a lot of resistance. But after about two hours, I fucked her again. She called me a bad boy and I saw her attraction spiked even more than before. She went on a date with a local guy about three times and they had sex while I was in Turkey. The guy wanted an exclusive relationship and after she told him about us, he didn't want to see her again. But I know she'll fuck someone else of course if not this week, then the other week. That's just the nature of the beast.

Now the actual question I want to address to you guys...

I was the one who convinced her on an open relationship. (I still think she has doubts, she wants a committed relationship but I'm sure it'll pass as she fucks other guys) And I still don't want an exclusive relationship as I'm more focused improving myself. I do not want to cheat so getting in a committed relationship with this girl would mean that I would stop approaching. On the other hand, even though I want an open relationship. I feel very jealous. I try to tell myself that she doesn't belong to me, that there's nothing wrong with her exploring her sexuality with other guys. That our relationship will end at a not so distant future, so why should I worry if she stops seeing me and falls for another guy? But I can't get the image of her slurping on another guys cock out of my head. And it fucking hurts. I feel more insecure than before... Probably some of this is because of my religious upbringing and some it from my scarcity mentality. But I do want to see her again not just because I like her a lot but also I know that I need to get better at sex. (I think, I'm mediocre at best) This just won't happen, if I don't have sex on a regular basis... I also know if somehow I can get past this issue, I will not become a controlling guy in a relationship again (I despise that old side of me now.)

So my question guys: Should I break up with her and continue my mission alone or should I try to overcome these issues as painful as they may be? I know, the decision is ultimately mine, but any insight would be much appreciated

I thank everybody who had the patience to read this long post most sincerely ^^

 

[Seppuku]

Hey man,

Welcome to this community.

I'm a beginner. I am somewhat lousy at approaching and closing but pretty good at deep diving. Girls usually give me a lot of attention (a lot of compliments, sometimes asking me on dates) and see me as a sexual guy saying things like you must get girls a lot (which isn't the case at all, lol).

If girls tell you this, it means you already have the right vibe. Congrats, man!

I come across as (and try to be) a sexually liberated, non-judgmental guy so girls tell me their sexual history without reservation.

That's also a very good sign.

I told her that it was okay, I understood completely and she could pick up her stuff any time she wanted but becoming friends without sex wasn't an option for me. She texted me a couple of days asking why couldn't we become friends and I told her I just wasn't interested in a relationship like that.

Friends with no sex, not an option, agreed. I usually say the exact same when I have this situation.

So my question guys: Should I break up with her and continue my mission alone or should I try to overcome these issues as painful as they may be? I know, the decision is ultimately mine, but any insight would be much appreciated

I thank everybody who had the patience to read this long post most sincerely ^^

Welcome man.

First of all congratulations, you are already doing many good things.

As to your question, here is my take. The girls will always have this lover / provider dichotomy. Ultimately they will always go for the safety of the monogamous provider. That's why they can't stay forever in an open relationship. It is just a matter of time until a beta guy comes over and proposes her a monogamous long term relationship. So if you want to be into open relationships (which I fully understand) you will have to get used to the fact that any girl will sooner or later leave you for a boring beta guy. You also need to accept that she could be with you, while fucking other guys as well. That's the rule of open relationships.

You have already done a lot of work on your mental model, given your conservative upbringing, and quite successfully it seems. But you need more work on yourself to handle your jealousy thing if you want open relationships.

As I see things, you are just lacking more options. You need to have not just one, but two, three or more girls into your relationship system [I currently have four ], plus always a stream of new contenders, new entrants, etc... Once you have that, believe me you will not care anymore what one particular girl is doing on the side. In your case, it seems that she's the one with other options, and you're the one with fewer options.

So it's very easy. Stop worrying about this girl, stop paying her so much attention, and get many new girls.

OR...

... or just give her the BF/GF LTR she wants. If you really like her. It's ok to be in relationships, it's part of the learning. Sometimes it's good to be just with a girlfriend. If you go this route, your learning curve on seduction will slow down. But you can resume it later.

In the end, it's all up to what you really want. If you want open relationships, get many new girls and stop worrying about if this one will be fucking someone else, because it's part of the rules. Or if you really like her and don't want to lose her, give her the BF / GF relationship she wants from you, it's OK and part of the learning, but expect your seduction skills to plateau. You're young and can always resume seduction learning later on.

Cheers,
Seppuku

 

[Sandman]

Seppuku,

Thanks a lot, man! I appreciate the through answer

I made my peace with the possibility of the relationship ending. So, I'm going to continue with this arrangement for as long as it stands.

Let's see where it leads