- Joined
- Aug 25, 2020
- Messages
- 4
Going through life feeling like a slave not even given respect let alone my just compensation.
Yeah I know don't be a lazy whiny bitch. Nothing is guaranteed. I'm on board with that, and masculinity. Still I can't help feeling like a slave sometimes. Had a great conversation online with an Iowan girl as juxtaposed with the Minnesota flaky as fuck behavior of those in my neck of the woods. I must leave this state. It's great in soooo many ways. Lots to do, four beautiful seasons, I've got property here, but I can't stand how full of shit people are. It's a very slow acting poison. I imagine it takes about 4 years to set in and I'm at that mark. I'd rather be insulted to my face directly than gaslit.
In general in life feeling like I'm giving more than getting back and it doesn't' take a lot to make me happy. I want a family. I want to be the family patriarch like an old Italian family or a Scottish clan. That's my dream in life as far as relationships are concerned. Be a great father and lover husband. I have many hobby dreams. As far as career- I love work but I struggle with career, with professional career, with the hustling of it, the client service. I left accounting. I should have done engineering. Right now I'm going into tech. While doing accounting, my best times were coding VBA solutions for other departments to automate their work. I was riveted. Some people, the medical team, really appreciated that, and my direct manager. Others, they didn't appreciate at all. In the firm, nobody knew half the technology I did, and I took it upon myself. They knew how to audit and shit but no offense to auditors and accountants here, but it's a waste of your life. I watch physics videos for fun sometimes as I go to bed. I read a lot, lots of interests, but I wish I could be making and creating more things. Now I'm learning how to build websites. It's not exactly what I had in mind, I suppose it will do for now but I feel like a slave.
Don't mean to sound like a whiny bitch millennial but this is how I feel and the years stack up. I'm found to be attractive but people ghost and flake on a dime like it's their duty. Even girls I've slept with and given orgasms to will ghost or 'punish'. Nobody likes sex more than me, but I realize it is transient. It is a temp fix to loneliness or whathaveyou. My goal is to find a good quality girl and win her heart, her love, have her get attached. I thought that fucking them good would secure that. It's more a function of their upbringing and character, and secondarily the approach you take. I really loath the word 'game'. I believe in strength, smarts, savvy, perception and persuasion, so I know these principles are at play. I just hate feeling like a robot. I know this - you have to let them develop feelings for you slowly at their pace. That's the first thing and the second thing is measure your sensitivity and multiply it by ten. Then multiply it by ten again. Then double it. That's the sensitivity women have to any slight show of anything less than total indifference. It's just too extreme, too "über", but what can ya do? You can only adapt, but I want to reap from this world, not be its cuck slave provider or nothingman.
I have internal anger attacks. I've seen counselors and dating coaches and such. I am not perfect and I have blindspots but in general I pursue the path of reason and to a lesser extent stoicism, as said stoicism appears rational. Yes we live in an irrational world headed off the cliff. our birthrates are way down. More than half the people according to new data (more women than men) are not interested in relationships or even dating. What the fuck? The field alas tends to overpower the particle every time, but the particle can steer itself to a better field. People are not reasonable. Why do we expect them to be? Ironically it's the religious that are often far more reasonable in their actual daily lives than the mainstream, even if their god beliefs are far out. I'm toying with the idea that today's atheists and agnostics are mostly that not out of reason but out of popularity and their chosen subculture. I don't care what others believe but I want certain thing.
This is getting long. I have internal anger attacks. You gotta make life pay. You gotta do whats right to be on a good track or path but if you are and you know you are, you have to have patience, regardless, but that's assuming you're on the path and staying on it and moving forward on it. There are no guarantees.
Strength and Honor
- but not in service of a cruel master.
Yeah I know don't be a lazy whiny bitch. Nothing is guaranteed. I'm on board with that, and masculinity. Still I can't help feeling like a slave sometimes. Had a great conversation online with an Iowan girl as juxtaposed with the Minnesota flaky as fuck behavior of those in my neck of the woods. I must leave this state. It's great in soooo many ways. Lots to do, four beautiful seasons, I've got property here, but I can't stand how full of shit people are. It's a very slow acting poison. I imagine it takes about 4 years to set in and I'm at that mark. I'd rather be insulted to my face directly than gaslit.
In general in life feeling like I'm giving more than getting back and it doesn't' take a lot to make me happy. I want a family. I want to be the family patriarch like an old Italian family or a Scottish clan. That's my dream in life as far as relationships are concerned. Be a great father and lover husband. I have many hobby dreams. As far as career- I love work but I struggle with career, with professional career, with the hustling of it, the client service. I left accounting. I should have done engineering. Right now I'm going into tech. While doing accounting, my best times were coding VBA solutions for other departments to automate their work. I was riveted. Some people, the medical team, really appreciated that, and my direct manager. Others, they didn't appreciate at all. In the firm, nobody knew half the technology I did, and I took it upon myself. They knew how to audit and shit but no offense to auditors and accountants here, but it's a waste of your life. I watch physics videos for fun sometimes as I go to bed. I read a lot, lots of interests, but I wish I could be making and creating more things. Now I'm learning how to build websites. It's not exactly what I had in mind, I suppose it will do for now but I feel like a slave.
Don't mean to sound like a whiny bitch millennial but this is how I feel and the years stack up. I'm found to be attractive but people ghost and flake on a dime like it's their duty. Even girls I've slept with and given orgasms to will ghost or 'punish'. Nobody likes sex more than me, but I realize it is transient. It is a temp fix to loneliness or whathaveyou. My goal is to find a good quality girl and win her heart, her love, have her get attached. I thought that fucking them good would secure that. It's more a function of their upbringing and character, and secondarily the approach you take. I really loath the word 'game'. I believe in strength, smarts, savvy, perception and persuasion, so I know these principles are at play. I just hate feeling like a robot. I know this - you have to let them develop feelings for you slowly at their pace. That's the first thing and the second thing is measure your sensitivity and multiply it by ten. Then multiply it by ten again. Then double it. That's the sensitivity women have to any slight show of anything less than total indifference. It's just too extreme, too "über", but what can ya do? You can only adapt, but I want to reap from this world, not be its cuck slave provider or nothingman.
I have internal anger attacks. I've seen counselors and dating coaches and such. I am not perfect and I have blindspots but in general I pursue the path of reason and to a lesser extent stoicism, as said stoicism appears rational. Yes we live in an irrational world headed off the cliff. our birthrates are way down. More than half the people according to new data (more women than men) are not interested in relationships or even dating. What the fuck? The field alas tends to overpower the particle every time, but the particle can steer itself to a better field. People are not reasonable. Why do we expect them to be? Ironically it's the religious that are often far more reasonable in their actual daily lives than the mainstream, even if their god beliefs are far out. I'm toying with the idea that today's atheists and agnostics are mostly that not out of reason but out of popularity and their chosen subculture. I don't care what others believe but I want certain thing.
This is getting long. I have internal anger attacks. You gotta make life pay. You gotta do whats right to be on a good track or path but if you are and you know you are, you have to have patience, regardless, but that's assuming you're on the path and staying on it and moving forward on it. There are no guarantees.
Strength and Honor
- but not in service of a cruel master.
