Feeling negative how to get over bad expeirences and move on.

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

I used to be optimistic and positive when I started out a year ago but lately I have been feeling negative and hateful.

Yesterday night I was at a party with my friend and these 3 girls (sorority and blonde, the kind I have had the worst experiences with) came over and approached him, I tried my best to ignore them and just left my friend there. A few minutes later I ended up leaving the party and just playing videogames for the rest of the night. Historically I haven't had the best luck with those kinds of girls (sorority and white) so I didn't even bother to stay.

Earlier today I was at Starbucks, went to order my drink and in front of me in line was again a girl from that kind of group (sorority shirt, yoga pants, sneakers) with her friend. She turned around to ask me some random question, I ignored her and when she repeated it I just said "leave me alone". That led to awkward silence and some guy asking me what my problem is, I ignored them, got my drink and went home to finish some work. I thought she was asking that question as a way to get my opinion on something and then insult me when I give my opinion.

I have had my share of success with cute girls of all ethnicities but when it has come to girls who are a part of certain crowds (sororities, bar and club girls, etc.) it has been frustrating, lots of fail in the past and these are the type of girls I see at parties and various events on campus a lot.

I have all these thoughts in my head that these girls have been told since the day they were born to hate men of my heritage and that if I was to ever hook up with one that was attractive society itself would do everything to try and end the relationship. All these thoughts go through my head that if I am in a room with one she is probably coming up with insults about me in her head and texting her friends about the weirdo that sat in the same room as her. Think if I ever approach her or try to start a conversation with her she will later on in the day tell her friends about how some weirdo tried to talk to her. All of this because I look different (foreign) than the kind of guys they are used to seeing.

Problem with all this is that my uni is dominated by the party culture which attracts those kinds of girls and in the past I have had a liking towards those kinds of girls but now I have become more reclusive, go to less parties, and just become a lot more pessimistic because of bad results with these kinds of girls. I am just tired of being rejected and treated like shit by those girls which has happened to me in the past.

It is like some negative cycle, I want to be a part of the party scene but I hate the treatment I receive from the types of girls it attracts. Now I have become all negative and hateful towards those kinds of girls and the people involved in the scene because I feel like they are all out to make my life miserable and no matter what I can do I can't be a part of that scene even if I want to be.

How do I break the cycle? I can't get myself to approach these girls due to past embarrassments and I am just becoming so closed off from them but they make up the majority at my school in a lot of events that go on during the campus. I would like to do better with them but I think factors like my heritage are mainly what are limiting me since those kinds of girls are shallow and hate anyone that looks foreign (not black or white).

 

[TheWiseFool]

Oh Pry,

I understand the feeling and I believe I understand how to break this negative and unwanted cycle that you are experiencing. So, as you know, a cycle is a circle, you go round and around, passing through every point again and again. That's how the body works no? At this point (stimulus), move to this point (response). Looking at your post, let's examine what happens.

1. See white sorority girl
2. Remember past unwanted and hurtful experiences from the past
3. Your physiology transforms into that of anger, annoyance, retribution
4. Ignore
5. Exit

So looking at this cycle how do you think we can break it? How can we direct unwanted energy, emotions, outcomes towards a more positive, optimistic outcome. We form a new cycle! Looking at it, I believe it is best to add a new step(s) after points 1, 2, or 3.

The next time you see a white sorority girl and you start to remember and you start to become annoyed, I want you to begin thinking positive thoughts. Oh look a white girl, she has blonde hair, brown hair, today is a nice day, I'm thankful for waking up this morning, I'm so glad to have a family, I am so lucky to, etc. etc. It helps even more if you think positive thoughts about the thing that causes you anger. Why? Because love defeats hate, not hate defeating hate, which only creates more hate.

Another thing you can do is when you notice you are becoming angry because of white sorority girls, I want you to think of what it is like to not have any prejudices, qualms, hangups or any negative thoughts towards white girls and personify that kind of person. If you don't know what it is like, then make it up, as long as this new you is not related in any way to the you in step 3, 4, and 5 of your cycle.

You are essentially training your brain to think differently and behave differently than it normally does. Fake it until you become it. It will take time, but persistence is key. You will eventually change from consciously thinking about having to be think a sort of way to unconsciously doing so.

That is the NLP way of doing it. There is one more technique but it is to difficult to explain.

Another thing you can do, but you have to experience hurtful emotions and there will be crying, but I think this is the most relieving. You have to write down all the things you think are true about white sorority girls on the left side of a piece of paper. For every point, I want you to look at it and write down white you think it is true. And for each reason or belief that you think is true, I want you to think if that is absolutely true or are you being biase based on past experiences or anecdotes you've heard from other people? Is there actual data that says, "Do all white sorority girls not like black guys or white guys or asian guys or indian guys or some mix or whatever I am?" "Are all white sorority girls the same?" "Is there a white sorority girl for me?"

You need to be honest with yourself and logical. You need to separate emotions from reality. Emotions are a powerful and beautiful thing but they will destroy you if you let them. Refute false beliefs and take up new ones that will lead you in the direction you want to head towards.

Go in front of a mirror, play the most badass song you know and talk to yourself in the mirror about how wrong you are and how you can get with a white girl and that you are desirable if you make yourself desirable that you can and will and must find a process that will get you to where you want to be. Ask yourself if you are doing enough or are you quitting because success is just taking a little more time.

I've dealth with these things too and I got my hangups too but I'm not quitting man. I'm going again and again and again, whether it be false beliefs, like I am going to mess, like I am going to look like a fool, she is going to blow me off, he's going to ignore me, she's going to laugh at me, I'm might trip, what if I freeze up? It happens yes but you know what also happens? I'm not going to mess up, I'm not going to run away, I'm not going to mess up he conversation, she'll be more nervous than I am, she'll be the one who won't know what to say, she's going to like me more than I like er, I'm going to be in control of the situation and myself, I'm going to succeed, i wnat to succeed, I need to succeed, I must succeed, no matter how hard I have to work no matter how many times I fail no matter the lies i need to tell myself and live and trick myself into believing until I become the man I meed to be to become a master of this craft. I am who I choose to be. I am what I believe.

Are you ignoring those girls because you're mad or because you've given up? Don't give up, but get back in the game man. What happens when we fall? We get back up. What happens when we die in a video game? We click restart, we respawn, we load to last checkpoint, last save and we go at it again and again until we level up, get to the next level, kill the guy, get the reward, complete the quest, BEAT THE GAME!

In video games, if one strategy isn't working, do you continually so the same thing again and again? No, you test a new strategy and another and another until you find what works! The first time through you play for fun. You die or it works out. The second time you play based on past experiences. You die or you're hunch was correct. The third time you go on the internet, google how to beat the fucking game, do exactly as the guide tells you and you fucking WIN! Heck sometimes I think a guide doesn't work because I can't do what the guy is doing so I go looking for another that shows me another way to get the same result (Different strategies/builds/skill trees). There are multiple paths to the same goal. What is your current strategy and if it isn't working, what should you do or where can you go to get a new one that is better, faster, more efficent, higher success rate. You can beat games on casual, medium, hard, brutal either through practice or hsing guide. Why not use both? Chase teaches to work hard and work smart, it makes sense no? Put in the time and effort and persistence, and constantly be upgrading yourself and turning weaknesses into strengths, work with what you got because not everyone has access to certain resources. I'm going to link you to another thread similar to your own. Read it and understand what other guys here have advised. https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=4718
This battle of yours is an internal one. Only you can change your world by changing your beliefs and perceptions of life. Everyone else and I are only here to help persuade you to choose success, to choose what makes you happy

I hope I helped by giving you some useful techniques as well as motivating you to get back in the game. Best of luck, keep me updated. "It's not about how hard you can hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward."
- The Wise Fool

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

https://www.girlschase.com/content/most- ... -be-bitter

Read this, Oh Pry. If you do read the article, and you're still not satisfied, I will respond to every woe you speak of as thoroughly as I can. Hopefully, however, the article will cleanse your view.


May you become powerful beyond measure,

Anatman

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

I read that post and like many other posts from Chase it was an amazing post but I am at a point right now of mental paralysis. For the life of me I cannot recall the last time I had a good experience with a Caucasian sorority girl, majority of the ones I have run into parties have been total bitches and some have gone out of their way to make me feel like a fool for even talking to them. The problem here is that even though I would love to avoid them, at any major party I go to there they are and usually the best looking girls I see are in sororities. It is like being a kid having your favorite game console right in front of you but knowing that you will never in your entire life get an opportunity to play on it. Then there are the excessive limiting beliefs. I constantly compare myself to my White male friends who are tall and good looking, I am tall as well and have been told I am good looking but I am not White. Think that alone stops me from getting the kind of girls I am going after and that is where the negative cycle keeps repeating in my head.

I think it goes deeper than that, as I said I was raised in the bay area where elitism was a major issue and my white friends got much better treatment from teachers and society than I did. Then I see it again in college where the hottest sorority girls I like are always with guys who are White and I feel hopeless.

Then that hopelessness turns into bitterness and negativity. To cope with the negativity I use even more negativity because in my mind right now I do not see any scenario where I end up with the attractive sorority girl or the Hayden Panetierre lookalike who loves the party lifestyle like I do. I don't want to give up but I feel that unlike with things like running 5 miles, learning how to fight better, or learning how to swim long distances, getting the kind of girls you want to get is something that you cannot do anything about because certain kind of girls just like certain kind of guys.

The kind of girls I am going after might be hot but they all want the guy who is tall, good looking, and most importantly white or black, not some foreign looking man like me who is just too different to them and they won't even bother to give him a chance because they think anyone who is different sucks...