LR: Feisty Taiwanese Artist
People:
Her: 5'2", late 20s, Taiwanese Artist, stylish always in black
Me: 5'10", early 30s, Asian Entrepreneur
Background:
Recently with Hector's coaching I've been working on "being fun". We've identified that I've put far too much importance on outward fundamentals (career, fashion, physique, etc.), and not enough on social fundamentals. This is a key reason why I've watched as "lesser men" do far better with girls than I do. I'm often just not "fun enough".
Surprisingly, this hasn't been too hard to change. It's just a matter of smiling more, laughing more, being more silly, being more emotive, being more playful. I have all this in me, and I just needed to lean into it more. I've noticed a positive change in many of my social interactions and dates over the last few weeks.
A second thing Hector's had me work on is, my viewpoint of the world bleeds out in every moment of every interaction people have with me. This is nothing new, there are plenty of GC articles saying some version of this. But Hector really drilled it into my head how obvious my view of things comes out, even if I try to hide it. I.e. if I think of seduction as this big complicated serious thing, then even if I pretend to be lighthearted and fun, it's still obvious I treat this as a "big deal".
The Meet:
Spotted a very stylish Asian girl walking down the street. I chased her down and complimented her outfit. She immediately gave me a warm thank you, like "oh I know I look good, thanks for realizing". We chitchatted a bit, and she was on her way to a fancy black tie event. When I told her I was an entrepreneur, she did a noticable backstep, and gave me an impressed smile. This is more uncommon than I expect, usually girls don't give a fuck that I'm an entrepreneur LOL. We exchanged numbers, and agreed to meet for a coffee or something.
First Date:
Light texts, light teasing, we agree to meet at a wine bar the next week.
The date goes okay. It's a bit stiff, despite me trying my best to smile, emote more, be fun, etc. There are quite a few moments of silence, where we literally cannot think of anything to say.
I do spice it up a bit, getting onto the topic of homosexuality, and getting her to admit she's experimented with sex with women, but she realized it's not for her. I talked a bit about BDSM.
Towards the end, I walk her to her nearby art studio, as she has to get to work on a project. I do something I think is pretty smooth--I felt the need to demonstrate some sexual advance, rather than just parting ways relatively platonically. But I also don't want her to reject my invite, as that cements negative emotions. So as she's parting to her studio, I say "I'd normally invite you over for a drink or something, but I know you're probably busy tonight". She responds "yeah, unfortunately not tonight, I have to work, but definitely next week!"
I really liked this technique, benefits:
- demonstrated a sexual advance, I'm not some wimp who is afraid to ask her back to my place. It let her know that sex is on my mind
- it set the frame that she would come to my place, so the debate was simply on whether it would be tonight or next time
- there was ZERO awkward hemming/hawing "oh, not tonight, sorry". It was just a very natural "not tonight, but definitely next week!"
- ended the date on a high note
Second Date:
We texted about once a day for the next week or so, she agreed to meet at a wine bar right next to my apartment and her studio.
She showed up in some stylish all-black wear + 5 inch heels. One slight interesting thing she said as we were walking to the table: "always a surprise with you". This wasn't in response to anything in particular, she was just expressing that she finds me unique (entrepreneur, viewpoint, etc.), and especially unique in the way in which we met (off the street).
This date had a completely different energy than the last date. The last time it was a bit stiff, we and we often had times where we had nothing to say. This time, I think we were both in a better mood. She had just finished her project, and spent the whole day taking a bath and chilling. I had some good stuff happen at work, and a cool new 38 inch monitor came in the mail so it felt like christmas.
We had a flowing conversation throughout. A lot of it was me diving deep into asking her about art world stuff. For whatever reason I found it more interesting, and she was more effusive about it this time than when I tried asking about stuff last time. We were laughing and smiling significantly more. At some high points I reached down under the table and touched her knee for emphasis. And later, she did the same back to me.
The Bounce:
Towards the end of the dinner, she asked "so you live nearby?" which is a classic green light. I fumbled a little and replied, yes, and "do you like japanese whiskey? -- I have a collection". I had already asked her that in the prior date, and mentioned it, and it felt sorta clumsy on my part. We kind of just ignored it and moved on. Then after paying and getting up, I casually offered "can I offer a drink of Japanese whiskey before you head home?" She said sure with a smile. Guess she didn't dock too many points for my clumsiness
Escalation:
We walked 5 minutes to my place, went inside, poured her some whiskey, and got comfortable on the couch. After about 10 minutes of talking, in a pause in the conversation where sexual tension had built, I leaned over and kissed her.
This was perfect timing. For most of my life I had difficulty, sometimes extreme difficulty in timing the first kiss. I would often wait too long and get nervous in my head, or do it too early and have the girl reject it, and need to save myself somehow. But my social intuition around the kiss has been perfect for the last several escalations. It probably has something to do with better empathizing and understanding the seduction from a woman's perspective, somehow this is becoming more obvious to me while talking to Hector, even though we never explicitly talked about it.
We did some more back/forth as I escalated slowly on her. She displayed the tiniest bit of LMR where she pulled down her skirt as it had rolled up. And I was sharp enough to catch that, and slow down, and make her more comfortable for another 20 minutes before proceeding again. Then she asked me if I have a condom.
Keys to the Lay:
She's a pretty alternative girl, being in the art world. She doesn't necessarily want kids. She wants a very masculine guy with game.
So how do I fit in:
- thought I was cute
- quite liked that I was an entrepreneur and not some standard 9-5
- thought I was fairly masculine for approaching her off the street
- through conversation I was able to cement that I was edgy (she liked that I do shibari/BDSM).
- I also confirmed to her I had game through the way I interacted with her.
- what was missing on the first date, was "fun". I just wasn't really "fun" to be around. In fact I felt it too, that it was kinda stiff with her.
- the second date, I was simply able to "be fun". And that was enough, she had higher confidence that "fun" == "good fuck", so why not?
Lessons/Insights:
Lighthearted and fun matters. Not even just for her, but for me too. I was kinda bored/stiff on the first date. Whereas on the second date, I was having a lot of fun and enjoying myself so much more (and she was too). That was basically the sole difference between the two dates.
Seduction doesn't need to be this giant complicated process. This second date felt so natural progressing through all the steps to sex. I think girls often display LMR because we guys make it into this giant thing we're trying to get from them. But if we're just two cool people vibing together, what's the big deal if we have sex or don't have sex?
People:
Her: 5'2", late 20s, Taiwanese Artist, stylish always in black
Me: 5'10", early 30s, Asian Entrepreneur
Background:
Recently with Hector's coaching I've been working on "being fun". We've identified that I've put far too much importance on outward fundamentals (career, fashion, physique, etc.), and not enough on social fundamentals. This is a key reason why I've watched as "lesser men" do far better with girls than I do. I'm often just not "fun enough".
Surprisingly, this hasn't been too hard to change. It's just a matter of smiling more, laughing more, being more silly, being more emotive, being more playful. I have all this in me, and I just needed to lean into it more. I've noticed a positive change in many of my social interactions and dates over the last few weeks.
A second thing Hector's had me work on is, my viewpoint of the world bleeds out in every moment of every interaction people have with me. This is nothing new, there are plenty of GC articles saying some version of this. But Hector really drilled it into my head how obvious my view of things comes out, even if I try to hide it. I.e. if I think of seduction as this big complicated serious thing, then even if I pretend to be lighthearted and fun, it's still obvious I treat this as a "big deal".
The Meet:
Spotted a very stylish Asian girl walking down the street. I chased her down and complimented her outfit. She immediately gave me a warm thank you, like "oh I know I look good, thanks for realizing". We chitchatted a bit, and she was on her way to a fancy black tie event. When I told her I was an entrepreneur, she did a noticable backstep, and gave me an impressed smile. This is more uncommon than I expect, usually girls don't give a fuck that I'm an entrepreneur LOL. We exchanged numbers, and agreed to meet for a coffee or something.
First Date:
Light texts, light teasing, we agree to meet at a wine bar the next week.
The date goes okay. It's a bit stiff, despite me trying my best to smile, emote more, be fun, etc. There are quite a few moments of silence, where we literally cannot think of anything to say.
I do spice it up a bit, getting onto the topic of homosexuality, and getting her to admit she's experimented with sex with women, but she realized it's not for her. I talked a bit about BDSM.
Towards the end, I walk her to her nearby art studio, as she has to get to work on a project. I do something I think is pretty smooth--I felt the need to demonstrate some sexual advance, rather than just parting ways relatively platonically. But I also don't want her to reject my invite, as that cements negative emotions. So as she's parting to her studio, I say "I'd normally invite you over for a drink or something, but I know you're probably busy tonight". She responds "yeah, unfortunately not tonight, I have to work, but definitely next week!"
I really liked this technique, benefits:
- demonstrated a sexual advance, I'm not some wimp who is afraid to ask her back to my place. It let her know that sex is on my mind
- it set the frame that she would come to my place, so the debate was simply on whether it would be tonight or next time
- there was ZERO awkward hemming/hawing "oh, not tonight, sorry". It was just a very natural "not tonight, but definitely next week!"
- ended the date on a high note
Second Date:
We texted about once a day for the next week or so, she agreed to meet at a wine bar right next to my apartment and her studio.
She showed up in some stylish all-black wear + 5 inch heels. One slight interesting thing she said as we were walking to the table: "always a surprise with you". This wasn't in response to anything in particular, she was just expressing that she finds me unique (entrepreneur, viewpoint, etc.), and especially unique in the way in which we met (off the street).
This date had a completely different energy than the last date. The last time it was a bit stiff, we and we often had times where we had nothing to say. This time, I think we were both in a better mood. She had just finished her project, and spent the whole day taking a bath and chilling. I had some good stuff happen at work, and a cool new 38 inch monitor came in the mail so it felt like christmas.
We had a flowing conversation throughout. A lot of it was me diving deep into asking her about art world stuff. For whatever reason I found it more interesting, and she was more effusive about it this time than when I tried asking about stuff last time. We were laughing and smiling significantly more. At some high points I reached down under the table and touched her knee for emphasis. And later, she did the same back to me.
The Bounce:
Towards the end of the dinner, she asked "so you live nearby?" which is a classic green light. I fumbled a little and replied, yes, and "do you like japanese whiskey? -- I have a collection". I had already asked her that in the prior date, and mentioned it, and it felt sorta clumsy on my part. We kind of just ignored it and moved on. Then after paying and getting up, I casually offered "can I offer a drink of Japanese whiskey before you head home?" She said sure with a smile. Guess she didn't dock too many points for my clumsiness
Escalation:
We walked 5 minutes to my place, went inside, poured her some whiskey, and got comfortable on the couch. After about 10 minutes of talking, in a pause in the conversation where sexual tension had built, I leaned over and kissed her.
This was perfect timing. For most of my life I had difficulty, sometimes extreme difficulty in timing the first kiss. I would often wait too long and get nervous in my head, or do it too early and have the girl reject it, and need to save myself somehow. But my social intuition around the kiss has been perfect for the last several escalations. It probably has something to do with better empathizing and understanding the seduction from a woman's perspective, somehow this is becoming more obvious to me while talking to Hector, even though we never explicitly talked about it.
We did some more back/forth as I escalated slowly on her. She displayed the tiniest bit of LMR where she pulled down her skirt as it had rolled up. And I was sharp enough to catch that, and slow down, and make her more comfortable for another 20 minutes before proceeding again. Then she asked me if I have a condom.
Keys to the Lay:
She's a pretty alternative girl, being in the art world. She doesn't necessarily want kids. She wants a very masculine guy with game.
So how do I fit in:
- thought I was cute
- quite liked that I was an entrepreneur and not some standard 9-5
- thought I was fairly masculine for approaching her off the street
- through conversation I was able to cement that I was edgy (she liked that I do shibari/BDSM).
- I also confirmed to her I had game through the way I interacted with her.
- what was missing on the first date, was "fun". I just wasn't really "fun" to be around. In fact I felt it too, that it was kinda stiff with her.
- the second date, I was simply able to "be fun". And that was enough, she had higher confidence that "fun" == "good fuck", so why not?
Lessons/Insights:
Lighthearted and fun matters. Not even just for her, but for me too. I was kinda bored/stiff on the first date. Whereas on the second date, I was having a lot of fun and enjoying myself so much more (and she was too). That was basically the sole difference between the two dates.
Seduction doesn't need to be this giant complicated process. This second date felt so natural progressing through all the steps to sex. I think girls often display LMR because we guys make it into this giant thing we're trying to get from them. But if we're just two cool people vibing together, what's the big deal if we have sex or don't have sex?
