Fiancé‎ says I am "sensitive"

[daviddreamer]

Actually isn't the first time my fiancé‎ has said that I am a sensitive guy and she has expressed to me before that sometimes she is afraid to say some things to me because of "how I will feel". This is a bit of a problem to me for a few reasons. For one I believe in very very open communication is a foundation of a great long lasting relationship (we're getting married soon...) and I feel like I am closing off doors to her by being sensitive.

By sensitivity I think she senses this because I don't take jokes very well, over think things, show jealously a little too quickly (but also mention that I trust her so its good....I think). She has even said before "lol you're more sensitive then me you're like a girl sometimes".

Its ironic too...being that I'm a pretty confident guy and I am in the military and have done a deployment before but yes admittedly I can be a little sensitive. And I also don't want her thinking this because well I try to be as manly as possible. Its fun I talk to sweet to her and I take our relationship very serious and we never argue or have any drama (in fact I may be more of a drama queen then her sometimes...) but when it comes to sexual topics with her I am quite the opposite - very aggressive and I talk the opposite of my sensitive side sayings like "I'm gonna pound the [expletive] out of you" and "I'm gonna destroy your vagina" and shes all into it and loves it and so far always calls me sexy and stuff.

My question is that is being sensitive gonna make my Fiancé‎ eventually lose attraction for me? (admittedly I am and I almost don't wanna change this side of me...I like being really open with myself and my feelings and not feeling like a zen 'nothing ever gets to me' robot even if it takes some manly card point hits). Or could be this way actually keep our relationship attraction strong because I am open with my feelings? Also maybe my weird dynamic of being a sensitive person mixed with being aggressive in bed is a good combination I think...

Your thoughts fellas.

 

[Franco]

DD,

Is being sensitive not an attractive thing for a guy or can it be used correctly to keep attraction up? Also maybe my weird dynamic of being a sensitive person mixed with being aggressive in bed is a good combination I think...

In general, I can't really say that being sensitive in the respect that your girlfriend is calling you sensitive is a "good" thing. My girlfriend never really refers to me as sensitive or "sensitive like a girl," and I'm assuming she's pointing out the fact that it's pretty easy to get to you emotionally. That being said, as long as you're not OVER-doing it, it probably won't hurt you all that much either.

I find it best to be on the other side of the spectrum where she occasionally has to slightly worry if you care about her (because you don't show a ton of emotion), and then you do minor things to show that you do. You want to be "the bad boy with a heart of gold." This way, she'll never call you "sensitive" (because you aren't overtly showing sensitivity all the time), but you do just enough to show that you're a guy who cares about his girl. You'll never get a girl calling you 'sensitive' if you do this correctly, and she'll view you as her rock-steady man.

By sensitivity I think she senses this because I don't take jokes very well, over think things, show jealously a little too quickly

Generally these are all things that show little hints of weakness here and there, but as I mentioned earlier, as long as you aren't over-doing it, then it won't hurt you much. But make sure you're consciously being aware of how emotional you're being over little things like this so that you can keep yourself in check; you don't really want to show signs of weakness in front of your woman.

- Franco

 

[Marty]

Without in any way wishing to eclipse what Franco said, I'd supplement it by pointing out that...

I'm a pretty confident guy and I am in the military and have done a deployment before

I try to be as manly as possible.

I am quite the opposite - very aggressive and I talk the opposite of my sensitive side sayings like "I'm gonna pound the [expletive] out of you"

...women are experts at seeing through surface detail of this kind and probing the insecurities lurking deep beneath. While you shouldn't take it too hard (after all, she's agreed to marry you so she must see compensating strengths), in a way she's also doing you a favor, as it's giving you the opportunity to fix it for the future, assuming you have the application and persistence to do so.

 

[daviddreamer]

I don't know how to multi-quote so I will respond to each.

@Franco

I definitely believe she is pointing out how easy it is to get at me emotionally and I need to work on this. Luckily I don't believe I have been over-doing it so that is a good thing. I just have been getting moments of weakness lately ever since I got engaged back in March and part of me attributes this to being completely locked in on her now and now I'm showing too much care...making sure everything goes smoothly for the marriage and beyond now.

And I am sure there are more underlying causes of my other insecurities and I need to sit down and list them and find out why and how I can fix them. Just because I am getting married soon doesn't mean I have her and I can't ever get complacent. I'm always a believer in this.

@Marty

For sure woman are definitely pros at seeing insecurities deep in the mind I applaud them for this ability. Its why I love woman they are fun haha I get a kick out of the mind dynamics between men vs woman. And I do believe I have the drive to fix this. I am on girlschase still reading about woman and mindsets simply because I look to improve myself always. In fact the biggest attraction she has for me is my ambition - I am always looking to improve myself I read a lot of self-help, I am in part-time college working on my bachelors while working a full-time job, I volunteer my time, I am big into building wealth and learning things I have a thirst for knowledge...Its a big strength for me. She has said before she is always proud of me and lucky to have me.


Thanks for your responses fellas. Always solid advice on these boards.

 

[student94]

I've been thinking about this with my own relationship. Although I might disagree with other guys on the form, I believe in the self first, and others second. What this means is that if you feel insecure about something your fiancee says, or get tied up emotionally with something she says, feel it, acknowledge that you feel it, and move on (all the while the emotional disruption will die down over time). Knowing that this kind of rupture happens in a certain way every time your girlfriend brings up something sensitive will help alleviate the sensitivity over time. In my opinion, this is superior to trying to ignore your feelings, or act in a "manly" way. It's true, the first few times it might be odd to her that your completely open about something bothering you, but if something bothers you, you better tell your fiancee who is supposedly your best friend and partner in life. Also, being completely unapologetic for being yourself is, believe it or not, super attractive to people who like you already. If your partner doesn't know what upsets you because your hiding things from her, then your enjoyment from being in the relationship will most definitely suffer. But most importantly, by trying to act a certain way to impress her or project a manly image, you are doing yourself a disservice because you are putting what you think are her desires first, and your own internal stability and comfort second.

But you ask, isn't sensitivity unmanly? Some people argue that you should maintain a little bit of uncertainty in the relationship, and its true to an extent--uncertainty breeds intrigue. However, artificially manufacturing uncertainty by acting aloof, disinterested, or otherwise unaffected by things that actually affect you, may not be the best way to go about it. Instead, make the uncertainty of your relationship come from the fact that your passionate about things outside the relationship. If you're very passionate about something outside the relationship, like a hobby or a career, it will take time and focus away from the relationship and will naturally cause the relationship to have more meaning, as well as your own life. Let the mystery come from actual exciting events in your life that you find for yourself, rather than projecting mystery when there isn't any.

My two cents

*It's good to be selfless as long as you don't compromise who you are on the inside*

 

[ProblemSolving]

For one I believe in very very open communication is a foundation of a great long lasting relationship (we're getting married soon...) and I feel like I am closing off doors to her by being sensitive.

Sorry to say it, but it's not a good idea to voice your insecurities with your girl. As the man and leader of the relationship, she needs you to be an unshakable rock, so she can come to you with her worries and insecurities.

You were in the military, imagine your general comes to you, a lowly grunt, before storming an enemy stronghold, "Hey DD, I've got a bad feeling about this mission. We're out manned, out gunned, and all our reinforcements are delayed. What do you think we should do?!"

How would that make you feel? You'd lose confidence in him and in your mission, so don't come to her with your "feelings". The person in control of a relationship rarely mentions feelings, while the person without control of the relationship mentions feelings all the time. Let her be the one to talk about feelings.

By sensitivity I think she senses this because I don't take jokes very well, over think things, show jealously a little too quickly (but also mention that I trust her so its good....I think). She has even said before "lol you're more sensitive then me you're like a girl sometimes".

Not good, but now you know what you need to work on. Don't worry about the jokes. Girls are silly and cute, laugh it off and tease her right back. She'll be tickled pink that she can't shake you.

No reason to be jealous. Know you are her best option and act like it.

My question is that is being sensitive gonna make my Fiancé‎ eventually lose attraction for me? (admittedly I am and I almost don't wanna change this side of me...I like being really open with myself and my feelings and not feeling like a zen 'nothing ever gets to me' robot even if it takes some manly card point hits). Or could be this way actually keep our relationship attraction strong because I am open with my feelings? Also maybe my weird dynamic of being a sensitive person mixed with being aggressive in bed is a good combination I think..

Women want a general that 'nothing ever gets to', so they can feel safe taking on life's challenges. I know it's hard, but save the feelings and passion for the bedroom.

 

[trashKENNUT]

daviddreamer,

She might also mean, "Damn, you taking everything too seriously." and yea, i was that "sensitive" guy, too.

sigh....

Zac

 

[daviddreamer]

Dang this thread is old. I'm still working on some things but have gotten tons better. I'm married now but our relationship is rock solid. No regrets getting married so far and of course I'm the unquestionable leader.

 

[trashKENNUT]

I dun care. I still want to post this photo.

Zac

 

[daviddreamer]

lol. Photo fits perfectly especially when my lady is on her period haha.