Fine details to getting women

[kalyan]

Hey guys,
I took a decision to journal things for my personal use. As a way of giving back to the community i want to share a small interaction i had today, and focus on a few elements. I hope you learn from it
I approached a waitress at a bar. She was outside for a cigarette break. Open with "happy you took a break, easier for us to talk now". We talked maybe 3 minutes, then some guy came and started talking to her- no common sense on his side, but thats fine. I waited it out. She left the interaction when her cigarette and interaction with the guy was done. A few lessons:
1) i was nice to the guy and complimented his smile. Although this is genuinely who i am, that was an invitation to him into our convo. Not to be repeated.
2) I should have told the girl what's on my mind when she said she's leaving: "hey our little conversation is not done yet, i want to find out more about you". Wording isnt what matters, showing her you're persistent does (open to recommendations on how to tweak this)
3) she's hot, and she works at a bar. So yes, she gets hit on quite a bit. Wanna be different than 99% of the guys that do the same as you? Acknowledge that fact: "hey ur hot and im sure u get hit on a lot"- there's a guy who's confident with that fact. This is a chance to make the conversation move to more interesting, genuine places + she will think "hmmm.. he actually isnt beating around the bush, is fun, is good looking, AND understands me. Maybe he is different. Ok i might fuck him"

 

[Frost]

Hey man,

I suggest you start a journal, and I'm thinking about doing the same. Right now honestly I'm kind of in a down period with women, and looking back on some of my more successful periods, I'm starting to realize that a lot has changed since then, especially in the way I see things, and I think that a journal would help immensely in that issue, since you can basically rewind time and see what you were like months ago.

1) Yes you invited him with this compliment. There is an article that talks about the other guy using that trick to get into the conversation and poach the girl, this time you did it for him LOL.

2) Good idea. The thing is, as pointed out by someone on this site (don't remember who though), men are always in leading. Even when you are not, it's you who basically handed her the reins. So with that logic in mind, if you wanted to talk to her even more you should have showed her that in a direct way. I know it's one thing to write about this stuff and another to actually be in the moment and do it, but you know what I'm talking about.

3) There are many creative openers and you can find a few interesting ones in the forums like the ones by Drexel Scott. If you ask me, being different in the approach is certainly interesting, but being different after that is where the gold is. She probably gets hit on a lot, and then after that it's just small talk with the majority of guys if I were to guess. But when you come along and take her on an adventure with your words and your vibe, that's a different story

I'm no expert but I hope it helps

 

[kalyan]

Thanks ya bro for the response. On the third point, i was actually thinking of using this remark as a part of the conversation, NOT an opener. This gives a good topic to discuss vs normal small talk

 

[JRob]

Man, it sounds like you got caught up in being a conversationalist. It's definitely good to work that skill, but it's good to practice navigating with it too. You probably thought of 20 things that you could have said after the fact, to frame the issue make him look like a dick, and get back on track. Good, that's a lesson and it won't be the last. I've been cock blocked so many times it's ridiculous. You're not alone. Still you learn from your interactions. That's how experience works. Keep grinding my friend.

 

[kalyan]

JRob,
Thanks for your reply. I see where you are coming from, but it is not my intention to make that guy (or anyone else) look like a dick. However, I did notice that I gave out an invitation to him when I shouldn't have. Also, for points 2 and 3 the opposite happened: I should have given the waitress these two invitations (first to continue our conversation, second to have a meaningful discussion), as I was thinking of those ideas but was inhibited to actually articulate them at that moment. That being said, What did you mean by "practice navigating with it"?

 

[JRob]

I might have misunderstood and I wasn't there, but earlier you said that the guy saw you talking with the girl came over anyway, and started talking to her. That sounds kind of like poacher behavior, but let's give it the benefit of the doubt for now and just say that he would be reasonable. What are you going to do when an unreasonable poacher does that? Redirect the conversation and acknowledge the intrusion. Now that's easier said than done if you can't get a word in edge wise. It's definitely detracting when you've been building momentum. What I meant by navigating is redirecting the conversation with the experience that you've gained. Hope I'm not too far off from what you were saying.