FR First approach since December

[TomGray]

Approached a girl today, the first one since December. Of course, it didn’t go too well, all she said was “I have a boyfriend” and I embarrassedly walked off. Still, I resisted the urge to do what I used to do which is be oblivious to the situation and sit down anyway. I was a little nervous before I did it and I came off as nervous too. Going to try to be more natural about it.
When I walked off, I was embarrassed a little and felt that way. I recognized that and tried to act in a way that I didn’t care what she or anyone else thought of me. My negative thoughts were bad but not crippling like they used to be. I’ve mostly accepted that I’m at the level that I am and that it will take time to improve. But it was still hard to deal with my feelings.
Takeaway: I don’t need to feel embarrassed or offensive. I’m just doing what I do.

 

[Gentle_Phrases]

keep at it brah

 

[PrettyDecent]

Hey, brother!

Cool to see you jumping aboard once more Every time you get back into PU, you break boundaries from before. I'll be reading your stuff to help that happen.

If you haven't cold approached in a while, then you're emotions are more volatile. If you haven't approached in 3 months, and you're first approach was a grand slam, you'll tell yourself "Man, I'm a beast at this!". Conversely, getting rejected makes you say "Whoa. I really blow at this!". You just need to rack up more approaches to help shrug off those times you get rejected and prevent you're head from over-inflating when you do experience success.

The first thing you need to focus on is getting over AA. After that, then you can focus on having quality interactions with results.

Keep riding on, my friend!

~Nick

 

[TomGray]

Thanks for the support, you two. I had a bit of a revelation: I didn't put myself in her shoes. If I was just trying to study in the library and some dude came out of nowhere trying to hit on me, I'd be put off. I should have preopened her in some way. That would have been the smooth thing to do. What do you gentlemen think would have been the best way?

 

[Mr.Rob]

I think you did just fine Tom sometimes you can't really do anything more than take action.

At the end of the day that's the one thing your most in control of. Especially since your getting back into the swing of things you might want to consider making your only criteria for success as to whether or not you took action (rejection hurts less than regret).

Cool too see you back in the game, was wondering if you'd make it back or not. Glad you did. =)

-Rob

 

[PrettyDecent]

I think you did just fine Tom sometimes you can't really do anything more than take action.

At the end of the day that's the one thing your most in control of. Especially since your getting back into the swing of things you might want to consider making your only criteria for success as to whether or not you took action (rejection hurts less than regret).

Cool too see you back in the game, was wondering if you'd make it back or not. Glad you did. =)

I +1 all of this.

~Nick

 

[Chase]

Tom-

One additional piece of advice for after feeling embarrassed / awkward after a first approach after it's been a little while: turn around immediately and go do a few more approaches.

You're basically not going to feel any worse than that, so you might as well milk it: "Well, I already feel as silly as I'm going to feel, so let's do a few more of these." By the time you've got a couple more under your belt, the embarrassment washes away, and you end up leaving with a much better feeling about the day's activities (even if your subsequent approaches don't go anywhere) than you would have at just one.

Chase