FR First Cold Approach of All Time

[Lexielai]

Hey Guys!

So, after some prodding from the lovely Zphix, I pushed myself to go really cold approach for my first time!

I decided to go to the mall in the early afternoon and chill out for a bit, then approach real quick. To my disappointment, I was a huge pussy. I saw dozens of cute girls I could've said hi to, but always chickened out at the last minute! I was especially mad about one of them that I almost completed! I literally walked up to this woman, dressed to the nines, pre-opened, and then totally botched my opener. In fact, I didn't even finish that one. It was just, "Hey, I was just walking by, and..." followed by trail off and awkward silence. In hindsight, it's probably a funny story, but boy was I mad!

Skip about two and a half hours after I first got there, and I was still being a damn coward about it. Thus, I then decided to walk into a Daiso store, where I had previously seen several cute girls. And what do you know, there happened to be one! At this point I walked almost right into her before I noticed her. We made eye contact, and I debated whether or not I should say hi. She walked off in the time I was deliberating, but she kept stealing glances at me I still wondered whether I should go since I figured it would not be smooth at all anymore.

Then I decided fuck it, let's go.

My memory of our exact conversation is pretty fuzzy, but I remember the gist of it. So here's the abridged version - we'll call her J!

---
Alex: "Hey, I know this is a bit random...but I thought you were cute. So I wanted to come say hi "

J: "Haha, thank you! I was wondering a bit there "

Alex: "Oh, yeah. I just thought I'd kick myself if I didn't say hi to a cute girl!"

J: "Hehe"

Alex: "So, what's your name?"

J: "I'm J! And what's yours?:"

Alex: "I'm Alex! So, what're you doing here, J?"

J: "Well, I just got off from hanging out with some friends! I'm just buying some food before I take the train home; I'm starving right now, haven't really ate breakfast or lunch"

Alex: "Oh wow, I know! I had an experience where I was feeling terrible, but I knew I just had to stick it through with my friends. It was one of the last times I would see them, so I just had to!"

J: "Haha, really? Oh, and where do you go to school?"

Alex: "I go to PHHS. What about you?"

J: "I used to go to *some school I don't remember*, but then I transferred to a private school recently. What grade are you in?"

Alex: "I'm a sophmore right now; you?"

J: "Ha, you look like one! I'm a junior."

Alex: "Hey, I get people telling me I look older all time! But I'm just like, I'm not THAT old."

J: "Haha, really? You look pretty young to me. I'd picture someone older as being...a little more mature"

Alex: "Yeah, they'd look a little bit sexier, wouldn't they?"

J: "Hehe, I guess so!"

Alex: "You don't look like a junior you know! You have this sort of mature look, like you could be in college!"

J: "Really? *She shares a story about looking older than she is*"

*We both share a laugh*

Alex: "Hey, so I really liked meeting you, and I'd like to see you again, say, here?"

J: "Yeah! "

Alex: "Sweet!" *My mind then blanks out at this point, so I comment on the food she had in her hands.*

J: *She tells me she loves the almond cookies she has, which are japanese.*

Alex: "Say, do you happen to be Japanese?"

J: "I'm half Japanese and half Chinese"

Alex: "Haha, amazing! I think I can communicate with your Chinese side though "

J: "Oh, no! I was born here, so I don't know how to speak the languages or anything. I just know English...and some Spanish"

Alex: "Hola! "

J: "Hahaha!"

Alex: "Anyways, I'm going to need to contact you somehow. Do you have a phone?"

J: "Of course, I'm holding one in my hand."

Alex: "Hehe. Oh, don't judge me by my dinosaur of a phone by the way, everyone seems to be appalled"

J: "Haha, I won't!"

Alex: "So, what's your number?"

J: "It's (XXX)-XXX-XXXX!"

Alex: "Sweet, is this it?" *I show her my phone*

J: "Yeah! So, do you just want to meet me again because I'm of my looks?"

Alex: "Definitely part of it, but I really like your personality so far! You seem sort of bubbly and vibrant, you know? I actually really like bubbly and vibrant girls; I'm not that energetic of a guy, so they sort of pump me up! Like an energy drink almost "

J: "She laughs, and talks about how she isn't really that energetic, but acts differently around different people. I relate a bit, we share some more laughs*

Alex: "Awesome. Well anyways, you're gonna need to buy that stuff in your hands. Let's get in line, shall we?"

J: "Oh, yeah!"

Alex: *I hold the small of her back and lead her*

*We purchase the items, and she turns to me while we're in line*

J: "So, what are you here for? "

Alex: *I panic a little, since I don't want to say picking up girls, so I make a quick half-truth* "I'm here to buy a new dress shirt" *Which was almost true; I did think about buying something nice while I was there*

J: "And you're by yourself?"

*We walk out of the store, I lead her again with my hand*

Alex: *Slight panic again, but give an actual truth this time, but worded to sound different from what actually happened.* "Oh yeah, my Dad dropped me off here, I was gonna do my thing and he would pick me up again. Turns out I didn't have enough money for the shirt though, so that ruins my plans."

J: "Haha, why'd you come here without money? Dress shirts are expensive "

Alex: "Hey, I thought I'd have enough, but I spent all my money on food!"

J: "Hehe, And how much did that cost?"

Alex: "Hmmmm...." * I then ignore her question, since it was another half-truth answer from me* "Hey, where are you going by the way?"

J: "Oh, to the train station! It's going to be an hour ride, so "

Alex: "Wow! That's a loooong ride! Alright, which direction is that?"

J: "Uhhhh, I don't know This is a pretty big mall, and I get lost often"

Alex: "Haha" *I relate to her a little, talk about malls for a couple of lines*

J: "Yeah, I need to go to Sports Authority, that's where my train's closest to."

Alex: "Cool, let's go this way then!" *Lead her one more time with hand*

*We walk for a little bit, but then I think about what I'm doing. I can't go along with her all the way, that's sooo chasing. Okay, let's stop at this exit and we'll depart*

Alex: "Anyway, I've gotta be going here!"

J: "Aww, ok!"

Alex: "Heh, I'll text you later, ya? Let's meet up again "

J: "Sure! Haha"

*Awkward silence ensues, I look at her, unsure of how to exit. Then I decide YOLO as she's about to turn.*

Alex: "Hey, wanna hug? "

J: "Hehe, um, sure."

*We hug, but it's sorta average. Not too weak, but not exactly strong either*

Alex: "Anyways, it was good seeing ya. We'll meet again...maybe " *I immediately though: SEE YA? WHAT THE HELL, THAT"S FOR SECOND ENCOUNTERS OR MORE, KID. YOU GUYS JUST MET, NO NO*

J: "Haha, only maybe? Okay!"

*We flash smiles at each other, I turn around and leave.

Once I was out of sight, I celebrated like hell. Had to heavily resist the urge to whoop and dance in public ^_^
---

Anyway, that was my first cold approach. Lots of lessons to be learned here, I was serious not prepared to have a conversation at all. I just expected to say hi and get the hell out, but nope. From what I remember, I was probably a massive entertainer, chased too for all I know. Can't really analyze it myself right now since I'm super excited about finally doing it

So guys, I'd love to here what you thought of it. Please do tell me everything I did wrong, and anything I might've done right. I felt like a total champion, but I can tell I have a long as hell way to go before I beat AA and get anywhere. Cheers to getting started with one sticking point! I'm actually scared as hell of doing another one since I feel it won't go as well, but whatever!

And big thanks to Zphix for helping me get started, really appreciate it buddy! As for everyone that's written articles on approaching, I'm very grateful for that, as I would still be stuck without applying all the advice given there!

See you all later!
Alex

 

[Smurf]

Awesome, Alex!

I only have two problems:

1. When she says she thinks you look young and thinks of older guys as more mature, it definitely looked like a test, but seeing as it didn't affect your outcome too much, it isn't THAT important. Maybe a better response like, "pfft, mature is boring" or something to that effect.

2. Lack of sexual frames, but she seems like she'll go for a date with you so you can set them then.

You handled her second test really well when she asked if you were just in it for her looks. Nice report, hopefully a date soon!

Jake.

 

[Mr.Rob]

haha I actually enjoyed this. Dude nice job on your first cold approach I know how hairy it is going to approach with A.A. and how discouraging it can be to see tons of hot girls easily approachable and pussy out. 1 down 99 to go till your officially A.A. free (don't worry it gets a tiny bit easier after every approach). The thing about it is your in it now, you've studied the material, you've invested in changing your lifestyle with women, and you got the hardest approach of your life out of the way. There's no turning back now.

A note here

I'm actually scared as hell of doing another one since I feel it won't go as well, but whatever!

This is almost a feeling of anticipation/anxiety due to outcome dependence. Your ego's like "you did so good that your not allowed to do any worse because this is your standard." Then you see a hot girl and its like "Okay your not good a talking to girls so your probably not going to do as good as last time and since last time is your standard your not going to approach that girl". Don't fall into this trap! Your not in control of how the other girl will respond to you all you can do is your best job possible and see what happens. Even when you get good at approaching girls your still going to get blown out from time to time, it's part of the numbers game. You need to realize that your going to get some sour interactions and that its actually a good thing because you expose yourself to a new learning experience (reference points) and get better at handling your emotions during those tribulations.

A good way to overcome this that worked for me was to change my goals and mindset. Instead of going out specifically to meet girls and have a good interaction, I changed my goal to see how many times I can get rejected in one outing. This does a couple things for you. It sets a very achievable goal, not everyone can go out and meet a girl and have an awesome interaction but everyone can get rejected. It also gets you comfortable with getting rejected, which is good because your going to have to learn how to deal with rejection anyway this just makes it easier since your expecting it (btw its really not that big of a deal, you'll see). Lastly and very importantly it gets your brain rewired into not giving a fuck what the girl your talking to thinks about you. If your worried about what the girl your wanting to approach (or anyone near you) might think about you if you fuck up or say the wrong thing your going to be less likely to approach. This is bad because your basically being controlled by someone without them even realizing that their controlling you. If you didn't give a shit about what other people thought of you there would be no such thing as A.A. Realize how constricting your life will be if you let yourself be controlled by others to act like a normal person (boring, unadventurous, settles for whatever comes by) then get mad at the thought of being controlled by other peoples thoughts. A successful seducer by the name of Liam Mcrae calls this social freedom and has made it a big part of his teachings, look him up on youtube if you find this interesting. Lastly your going to have to fight against your ego to become socially/A.A. free so think of this experience as being a warrior going into battle so fight hard young lad!

If you end up liking this mindset and do it a couple of times start expanding your comfort zone to see what you can get away with, you'll be surprised. For example:
You: "Hey I saw you over here and just had to come tell you your sexy but... I think you would look even sexier naked."
or
You: "Hey I just had to come tell you that you have the nicest ass i've ever seen. Im Alex."
Get creative, get nasty, and have fun dude!

If you end up using this technique post of some field reports and let us know how it goes.
Cheers and good luck homie!

 

[Lexielai]

Thanks Jake and Mr. Rob!

I'm gonna have a long way to go before I get any good, but hopefully I can soon start approaching more women, more often! I'll keep your advice in mind while I work on this!

With luck, there will be many more FR's incoming!

Laterz,
Alex

 

[BlackBolt]

Maybe next time instead of asking for the hug on the exit, you just go for it naturally. Anyways, great 1st approach bro!

 

[sneaky_charm]

Hey Alex!

Pretty solid conversation flow for a first timer! Way to go mate!

I'm a beginner myself, and haven't done any number close yet. However, I have all the basic theories down, so perhaps I may be of assistance.

I see two things you could've done differently....

1. When she said she was starving, it was pretty obvious clue for you to invite her to eat together immediately!

2. When she asked if you were alone after you said you had to buy shirt, you could've used the opportunity to take her into the mall, and ask her opinion about what shirts match you. Done nicely, there would've been good chances of sexual framing!

Anyway, you nailed it! Keep going!


#Allen!!#

 

[Lexielai]

I really appreciate the support guys! I think slowly incorporating girls chase techniques into my regular social interactions really prepared me for this first approach! I definitely would NOT have been able to do this just one or two months ago, so it's a big milestone for me. I'm working on outcome independence like Mr. Rob suggested, but hopefully I'll be able to do approaches two and after very soon!

I've also texted J once in the meantime, just a couple of hours after I met her. She hasn't responded to that yet, so I assume it's because my closing was a little awkward, or I may have come across as too much? Haha, not sure, but I think I'll text her one more time. If she doesn't bite, there's other fish in the sea

-Alex